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See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Things you should never say in front of childless women

842 replies

Clothrabbit · 21/09/2018 10:51

Just following on from another thread I started, what things have childless women on here had said to or in front of them, or read celebs spouting in public, that really hurt or upset them.

For me:

You don't know what real responsibility is until you have a child.
Having a child makes you less selfish.

OP posts:
LifeEhFindsAWay · 22/09/2018 19:51

I'm reading user's comments open-mouth. Her boarish determination to refuse to accept she is being a goady so and so is truly remarkable. The incessant complaints about 'abuse' and 'rudeness' directed at posters simply because they called her out on her (almost admirable) resolve to keep repeating hurtful and insensitive comments, even after numerous posters have tried to explain that they found her comments offensive and could she please stop saying them... It really always is the people who don't give a shit about others' feelings who can't handle being called out on their behaviour and then start playing the martyr, and worse, try to gaslight. If everyone tells you you are being a bit of a dick, take note, you probably are.

LifeEhFindsAWay · 22/09/2018 19:51

*open-mouthed

LifeEhFindsAWay · 22/09/2018 19:53

And here, if everyone tells you that asking whether they have considered adopting is rude, how can you then ask about fostering..!? You MUST be doing this on purpose to rile people and shame on you.

twinkledag · 22/09/2018 19:54

@Herehere66 please just stop.

CoughLaughFart · 22/09/2018 20:02

Peanuts they said your quote was goady and that it had turned into a nasty thread.
So you please stop lying

You’re delusional. I saw the thread and no one else’s posts were mentioned by MNHQ. How on earth did you think you would get away with accusing someone else of being the liar?

catswhiskers15 · 22/09/2018 20:08

Herehere66 your post is about as helpful as a chocolate fireguard.

Herehere66 · 22/09/2018 20:10

Yoh can't do right from doing wrong on this thread with out being attacked

AnneLovesGilbert · 22/09/2018 20:13

You can’t say that unless you’re actually “doing right”

Read the room and back off.

Peanutss · 22/09/2018 20:15

@Herehere66 but people told you how insulting they found your comment about adoption... Why would you then think to ask the same question about fostering?

I don't know if you're actually trying to be kind but really failing to see what people are saying or are purposefully trying to annoy people.

catswhiskers15 · 22/09/2018 20:15

For goodness sake HereHere, how is suggesting have you considered fostering as a route to adoption applicable to this thread? most people on thread have explained how this doesn't help.

SunnySkiesSleepsintheMorning · 22/09/2018 20:38

Welcome to MN herehere66.

SunnySkiesSleepsintheMorning · 22/09/2018 20:40

Children and babies who are waiting for be adopted often have complex backgrounds and deserve parents who can meet their needs. There are few small babies available for adoption in the UK.

ShineOnHarvestMoon · 22/09/2018 20:42

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Herehere66 · 22/09/2018 20:42

I've learnt from this thread and that is never mention anything about children to women who don't have any (unless you want your head bitten off)

Herehere66 · 22/09/2018 20:43

Or just avoid them altogether if they are anything like ShineOnHarvestMoon

MNHQ
EstherMumsnet · 22/09/2018 20:45

HI everyone, We are just about to go through and delete some of the recent posts turning this into an argument about another thread. It would be helpful if we could keep comments on this thread to the subject of the thread. Thank you!

bananafish81 · 22/09/2018 20:45

Is fostering something you may be interested in ?I imagine that would make your case for adopting stronger

Herehere66

Who is this question directed at?

Did you read anything in any of the posts on this subject this thread?

Did you read anything about why interrogating people about their highly personal decisions about adoption is insensitive?

Did you read the very helpful comment from Lizzie48, who has adopted herself, about why it's deeply insensitive to quiz someone about whether they're considering adoption or not.

Whose case for adopting are you referring to in your question? And why are you passing comment on their situation, and what would or wouldn't be beneficial for their particular circumstances?

Are you a trained SW or a fosterer yourself? I presume you must have a great deal of understanding about these issues to be offering advice on this subject?

Although I'd have thought that as a trained SW you would recognise that it's inappropriate to offer unsolicited advice about such a deeply personal issue

I am still not sure I understand whose case for adoption you are referring to

Or indeed why you are persisting down this line or enquiry

May I ask how many children you have fostered?

SunnySkiesSleepsintheMorning · 22/09/2018 20:47

I’m not a childless woman and think you’ve been insensitive Herehere66. You are clearly new and perhaps should read full threads before spouting at people who are clearly struggling.

CalonGlas · 22/09/2018 20:47

I've learnt from this thread and that is never mention anything about children to women who don't have any (unless you want your head bitten off)

In all seriousness, that's the safest approach. There's lots of other stuff to talk about like, you know, the weather, and Strictly, and what your favourite pasta is, and Brexit.

user1494667160 · 22/09/2018 20:49

Here here could’t agree with you more. The abuse I got for suggesting I felt more tired after having children was ridiculous.
One poster said they felt sorry for my children - apparently insulting me and using my children to do this is acceptable. I’ve also been sworn at as have you.

bananafish81 · 22/09/2018 20:50

I've learnt from this thread and that is never mention anything about children to women who don't have any (unless you want your head bitten off)

It's not insensitive to mention anything about children to women who don't have any. That's patently ridiculous. It's insensitive not to listen when multiple posters have said that they find particular comments hurtful, and refuse to acknowledge what they have said, and to deliberately say something to them that they have made clear is hurtful to many.

It is insensitive to pass comment on someone's childlessness, or impose your views on their situation. That's different from mentioning children.

ShineOnHarvestMoon · 22/09/2018 20:52

Or just avoid them altogether if they are anything like ShineOnHarvestMoon

Thank the goddess.

SunnySkiesSleepsintheMorning · 22/09/2018 20:53

As a woman with children, I’ve managed to listen and respect views. It’s a shame people like user and here have been so closed minded.

If I started a thread saying I was sick of people telling me I’m lucky because I use crutches to walk instead of a wheelchair, would you come on and say “well you are lucky, it could be worse!” or would that make you come across as nasty?

catswhiskers15 · 22/09/2018 21:50

Goodnight to all.

Twinning1 · 22/09/2018 22:41

A while back I had a hideous miscarriage...it was lengthy and I was in the “will it be ok or won’t it” situation for weeks. It wasn’t and I needed to surgery to sort it all out. Honestly the worst few months of my life so far. A few weeks later, a pregnant friend told me that she “didn’t really like children” and had a little chuckle. I never said anything but when I went away and thought about it I was Shock