Things you should never say in front of childless women

[Clothrabbit]

Just following on from another thread I started, what things have childless women on here had said to or in front of them, or read celebs spouting in public, that really hurt or upset them.

For me:

You don't know what real responsibility is until you have a child.
Having a child makes you less selfish.

TBH most of it goes over my head these days but a colleague held up a small freezer bag clip (like the ones shown) and said "what does this remind you of?". I had no idea of course... "it's just like the clips they put on the umbilical cord." Is it really.

www.lakeland.co.uk/72509/Assorted-Micro-Klippits-Pack-of-25?gclid=CjwKCAjw0JfdBRACEiwAiDTALuqy4aUbrRB73m0PkTbk3FEgpmsusBIEWHVS0d1KNxgy1t1Shhm70hoCElAQAvD_BwE&src=gfeed&s_kwcid=AL!49!3!251275988130!!!g!320906040714!&ef_id=W1jsSwAAAMWKw2vT:20180922161827:s

Maggiesimpsonspacifier, you nailed it, thats exactly what is going on!

In the case of childlessness or infertility being the subject, then the TTC or Infertility boards might be a better place.

But lots of people who are childless aren't TTC or going through infertility treatment

Many are childless not by choice for a multitude of reasons - and would have no need to be on the TTC or infertility boards.

The whole point about being childless not by choice is that for many of us that door is closed. We are living a childless life. Why would someone who's not TTC be on these boards?

Childfree by choice women certainly wouldn't either.

if you can't have a baby then adopting would be nice, no?
It was a nice thought and it would be a nice thing to do for the child/baby and the adoptive mother.

Depends how well equipped you are for what can be an enormously challenging experience, if you feel you are up to the job of parenting a child with complex needs, who may have experienced extreme abuse or neglect . Adoption is about finding homes for children, not children for infertile couples.

No Maggie no one has said exactly. Nothing I have said has warranted the abuse, sarcasm, nastiness and bullying that people have demonstrated. It has not just been to me but also to others.

Peanuts isn't the one lying. That thread was goady and MNHQ said so.

It seems there's some gaslighting going on right now. Maybe the best thing to do is to ignore the person in the hope they will disappear and stop derailing the thread with their goady comments?

Leigh so you now you actually trying to encourage people to bully me?

Peanutss
@TeaStory I hope you don't think you're as tired as ALL THE PARENTS

TeaStory
Wouldn’t dream of it @Peanutss ! I have no idea what tiredness is, after all!

Unnecessary. You ask for those with children to be respectful of you, but you then goad yourselves and expect to be taken seriously.

It was humorous sarcasm Celestia. Breathe.

@Celestia26 it was directed at the comment User made directly about parents being more tired further up thread and the thing that started this off, not every one who is a parent. Probably wasn't very clear though.

Bananafish81

*But lots of people who are childless aren't TTC or going through infertility treatment

Many are childless not by choice for a multitude of reasons - and would have no need to be on the TTC or infertility boards.

The whole point about being childless not by choice is that for many of us that door is closed. We are living a childless life. Why would someone who's not TTC be on these boards?

Childfree by choice women certainly wouldn't either.*

It is well known that AIBU is a bit harsher than some of the other boards. If you're posting about something that requires a bit more sensitivity then other places may offer more support, even if it's not Mumsnet. If you post on AIBU, you generally experience a harsher viewpoint. It might seem unfair but that's just how this board is. I usually go elsewhere with sensitive subjects.

TeaStory Something said with humour doesn't always come across as intended online. It appears mean spirited, and is insulting to those people with children who are actually trying to support you. You're making fun of parents, yet expecting their support. Double standards.

Celestia26 point taken, apologies if anyone took it that way.

My comment was directed at User and the comment she made at the beginning of the thread about how parents were more tired, it wasn't intended to suggest that I think all parents feel that way.

@Herehere66 have a read of this if you'd like another answer to your question about why someone might not 'just adopt'

gateway-women.com/why-dont-you-just-adopt/

Peanutss Not a problem. Thanks.

Sorry.

It's unreasonable to expect anyone else to know why you haven't considered it.

That's different questions though

Asking why they haven't considered it, vs why haven't they decided to pursue it

The first is condescending

Of course any childless couple will have considered adoption . They've not been living under a rock. They will have given it a great deal of soul searching and a lot of heartache when considering adoption as a route to parenthood. It's condescending and suggests that they are so stupid they won't have been aware that adoption exists and won't have thought to give it any consideration until you mentioned it.

Asking why someone has decided against adoption is hugely judgemental.

'Why don't you just adopt'
'if you can't have children I don't understand why you wouldn't adopt instead'

It's making them justify a deeply personal and often deeply distressing decision

It's thoughtless and unkind to interrogate someone about the decisions they have made

Peanut I never said parents were more tired.
I said I as a parent was more tired now and that I laugh at how I used to think that I was tired but now that I have kids I ‘really’ feel tired.
My personal opinion. Not anyone else’s tired. Mine.
How that comment warrants abuse, rudeness etc is ridiculous.

TeaStory Thanks