Things you should never say in front of childless women

[Clothrabbit]

Just following on from another thread I started, what things have childless women on here had said to or in front of them, or read celebs spouting in public, that really hurt or upset them.

For me:

You don't know what real responsibility is until you have a child.
Having a child makes you less selfish.

*aren’t

User is upset because she made a similarly insensitive comment up thread and was told by numerous people she was out of order. She can't seem to accept that.

I'm jumping down your neck because people have spent the past two days telling you what is offensive or hurtful to us going through this (why don't you just adopt, is one of the ones mentioned but perhaps you didn't care enough to RTFT) and you, again, just barged in and told us all to consider adoption. Just use your brain. Jesus.

It's such a ridiculous thing to say to someone who's struggling having children. Honestly.

Nothing will give me more pleasure than not conversing with you any longer on here @icedpurple.

Ta-ra!

@peanutss

Ah ha, I see that user who commented at the end of the last page, is the same one who upset people earlier in the thread.

@SandyY2K but surely you can see, from reading this thread, why you shouldn't just add a comment of 'well have you considered adoption'.

Surely any normal person would realise that isn't an appropriate thing to say here, whether you meant to cause offence or not.

Seriously discussing adoption with a family member or close friend is very different to flippantly suggesting adoption on a thread such as this. It's such a throwaway remark.

Doesn’t matter if she didn’t mean to cause offence, it still does. And it does because it’s a tired old trope rolled out to virtually every single woman who can’t conceive or successfully carry to term. Think about it this way, if, in the days following your first child’s birth I came along and swapped your baby for another, would you mind? Yes you certainly would because you want your baby. Most women who want a child want their own baby, not another person’s. And even if they would be open to adoption it is a painful and intrusive process in which a minority of applicants are ever successful.

Suggesting adoption, even mentioning adoption, is the childless person’s equivalent of “Let then eat cake”.

@user1494667160 and @Herehere66

Sorry, couldn't finish my last post as a player got stretchered off!

I honestly don't know why I'm bothering, because what this thread shows is that some parents will never listen to us or respect us and obviously think that they are superior, but here are just a few reasons why my husband and I were rejected for adoption....

-we were both suffering from depression (due to not being able to have children)
-we were too old (at that point late 30's so that was a fucking surprise)
-as he was black and I'm white, SS claimed we could only adopt a mix race child
-we didn't have a good support network where we lived (because it was a very child centric area and we didn't have children so were excluded)
-we had a dog and refused to rehome her
-I worked too many hours (because we had shit loads of debt from - at that time - 3 failed IVF attempts and my husband had to go part time at work due to his depression so I worked more hours to earn the money to pay back the loans)

Upset people? 😂😂😂
I didn’t even say anything offensive. If you read back its others who didn’t agree with me being rude, abusive and nasty to those with different opinions. This has been demonstrated again with your behaviour to these other posters.

User, I don't understand what you mean, I've never been horrible to you. In fact if you read up thread I stated that despite our differences here I'm sorry to hear what you're going through with your depression.

You're the one who consistently comes here to spout nonsense that people in numbers have asked you to stop doing.

"Christmas isn't the same without children" - of course it isn't, some might say it's a lot more enjoyable . . . (I enjoy it with and without them).

Peanuts what nonsense? The fact my opinion was different to others.
I only mentioned my depression because someone’s said they felt sorry for my children. Is that not offensive?????

Are people offended because other people ask/suggest it?

Yes, because it’s a stupid to think that they haven’t considered it already.

Look at the infertility boards. It’s right up there as one of the most annoying/upsetting questions to be ask when people discover you can’t conceive.

And a PP wrote about the government using the term 'hard working families' as offensive to single people.

Well it generally is in the context of government and politics. It makes anyone who is not a parent invisible and not part of the “nation”. And in terms of public policy this is pretty accurate. The benefits system, elderly care - just the two I can think of off the top of my head - but all sorts of things really, are primarily organised around the assumption that adults have partners and children.

"Christmas isn't the same without children" - of course it isn't, some might say it's a lot more enjoyable . . . (I enjoy it with and without them).

This year, despite being childless, DH and I are going to be just the two of us for Christmas, for the first time in 28 years of marriage. Always had parents staying, or latterly seen my DB and his family but they are going to his this year. We are looking forward to it.

Sorry going away this year not “to his”

if you can't have a baby then adopting would be nice, no?
It was a nice thought and it would be a nice thing to do for the child/baby and the adoptive mother.

Herehere is either being a goody fucker, or her/his post is proof that having a child can make you monumentally stupid.

@thisneverendingsummer I've also been both - worked when I didn't have a child and worked when I did have one. I just wouldn't comment on this thread about you're more tired when you work and have a child* because if you read the whole thread, you'll see that it's offensive to the women on here who can't have children.

*if you can't have a baby then adopting would be nice, no?
It was a nice thought and it would be a nice thing to do for the child/baby and the adoptive mother.

I dont see why you would be offended by that*

You obviously have no personal experience of infertility and are woefully ignorant about the adoption system.

Think about it this way, if, in the days following your first child’s birth I came along and swapped your baby for another, would you mind? Yes you certainly would because you want your baby. Most women who want a child want their own baby, not another person’s.

Of course I understand you'd want your own biological child, but in situations where that's not possible, many people would consider adoption.

Having your child taken away... is not the same as never having a child at all and then getting one through adoption. Sorry...but that's a poor analogy in this situation.

I know how intrusive it is ..how long the process is...the adoption workshops...the classes...the social workers...the reference requests from Ex spouses and educational establishments...as well as employers in some cases....the asking if you'd be okay for your DS to wear make up and a dress. Believe me...I know. and if anyone has gone through the process, they'll understanding what I mean..

However becoming offended at the mere mention of it and swearing at pp isn't a proportionate response...It's as though it's their fault.

People's reason for not choosing adoption will vary.

My relative obviously wanted her own..but can't and is very happy with the option of adoption to give her the chance to be a mum. She's been approved with her DH and is over the moon about it.

Some people don't want the intrusion.

Some wouldn't qualify for financial or health reasons... or even their housing situation.

It's unreasonable to expect anyone else to know why you haven't considered it.

The hypersensitivity makes it near impossible to say anything...but believe me I totally understand how heartbreaking infertility is.