I've just had a real row with a good friend of mine who has a DS the same age as mine (10). Whilst we are good friends, we don't physically see each other very often due to her moving quite a distance away, but speak most days on the phone. We've bickered plenty of times, but never rowed like this.
We've since apologised as we said things in the heat of the moment, but I can tell it's definitely not cleared the air.
She and DS came round for dinner. Her child is more than overweight. He's not dangerously obese, but he's really big.
She's always said he's a fussy eater, so us three had beef wellington, new potatoes, and veg. I also did chips for just him, as she'd said its the only form of potatoes he eats. I wouldn't usually do this, but she'd made quite a big deal about it yesterday, so I assured her that I'd have some ready, in a "it's just accommodating a food request" sort of way, like I would for someone with an intolerance or allergy.
Today, he left the meat and veg untouched. Virtually inhaled the chips and asked for more chips because he was hungry. I said sorry, there are no more, but there's beef, potatoes and veg. He replied "No, I don't like it." And then complained to his mum that he was still hungry. She told him not to be rude, but then followed up with, I'll get you something at home.
They went out to play, we were watching them from the window, she turns to me and says, "What do I do? He's so fat."
I asked her what he ate, and she said only burgers, chips, nuggets, beans and spaghetti hoops. Essentially freezer food. Refused all vegetables. Refused all fruit.
I said, unless he has a medical issue with certain food types, she needed to toughen up and give him a healthy diet. Children might genuinely hate a couple of vegetables, but to refuse all of them was omitting so many vital nutrients.
She then got uber defensive and said if was that easy, that's what she would do.
I replied, yes, he might protest for the first couple of nights, but he'd soon get used to the idea that he can't tantrum his way to burgers every night. If he can eat fried chipped potatoes then he can eat them boiled. If he can eat ground up beef as burgers, he can eat the beef in a wellington.
I then suggested, she should retract her offer to make him junk food later, and to tell him his only meal for this evening was the dinner on the table that he'd left, I'd happily reheat it for him, and if he refused, to stick to her guns when they got home.
She basically snorted at me, as if it was patronising and ridiculous to even try, so I said, "OK, but then don't call him fat, don't ask what to do about him being fat, you're the adult in charge of his food, you're making him fat!!!"
"No. I'm. not." Was the aggressive reply.
We then argued along those two sentiments for about five minutes, then she left with her DS.
What do I do. Should I be apologising further? Should she?
We're so close, so we do push others buttons, and speak very frankly with each other, which usually is great, but this is not good.
We're going to have to talk it out and address it. It can't just hang in the air unspoken. I don't know where to start. I thought I offered a fairly standard solution, but her reaction said otherwise. Was it a silly solution? What else do you suggest?
Sorry its so long. Trying not to drip feed.