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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think the therapist was a bit judgey?

147 replies

Marie0 · 19/09/2018 20:09

Started to see a therapist last week due to my DS1 (he's 13) impulsive and destructive behaviour.

She has met with me and DH already (separately) and met with DS1 today.

As DH collected DS1 at the end of his session they had a bit of chit chat (DH and therapist) and it came up that we are going on holiday on Friday.

She frowned a little and clearly disapproved given DS's bad behaviour - but then quickly changed the subject and said goodbye.

DH is now cross as he felt she was judgemental. He didn't feel the need to justify himself and why indeed should he?

AIBU to think she maybe should have kept her feelings to herself?

OP posts:
Didntwanttochangemyname · 19/09/2018 20:19

She may have been frowning because it messed up her progress plan for the therapy, if I was starting therapy I'd plan my holiday around it, not through it.

Original poster
Marie0 · 19/09/2018 20:24

The holiday is only a long weekend and it was booked a while ago before we started seeing her so it doesn't clash with any progress plan

OP posts:
Stradbroke · 19/09/2018 20:27

Did she say anything to suggest she disapproved or are you inferring that from her frown (which could have been anything).

AnElderlyLadyOfMediumHeight · 19/09/2018 20:30

Are you taking him out of school for it?

garethsouthgatesmrs · 19/09/2018 20:31

She frowned a little and clearly disapproved given DS's bad behaviour
How does he know that was why she frowned? Did she say something? If not I would say he is being oversensitive. Either that or it might be because of something that he discussed in the session that relates to trips away? I doubt she would judge you for taking a holiday. You can't never go away because you have a child who misbehaves.

Original poster
Marie0 · 19/09/2018 20:31

He's having a day off on Friday.

She said 'You're taking him on holiday?' with a surprised look

OP posts:
PermanentlyFrizzyHairBall · 19/09/2018 20:34

Are you sure she was judging you for going on holiday due to DS's bad behaviour? It just seems an add thing to be surprised by, even if DS has struggled with his behaviour the rest of the family might still want a holiday!

AnElderlyLadyOfMediumHeight · 19/09/2018 20:34

I think it's probably to do with the going in termtime, tbh.

Original poster
Marie0 · 19/09/2018 20:35

She frowned when he said we were going away, which to him suggested she didn't approve

OP posts:
TheLionRoars1110 · 19/09/2018 20:58

You are guessing what she was frowning at. She could have been surprised as it's term time. She could have been surprised because of something DS said to her that didn't add up with you taking him away etc.
I don't think it's a biggie if she had a negative reaction. If you're seeing her for your son's destructive/impulsive behaviour she might give you input on how to improve it. Some of that will involve an opinion on your parenting. I wouldn't think of it as judgement. Try to frame it more positively iyswim

WhiteDust · 19/09/2018 21:01

She frowned when he said we were going away, which to him suggested she didn't approve
So he's having a day off school on Friday to go away for a long weekend?
Yeh, I'd judge to. Sorry OP, you're trying to get his attitude back on track so you could do with doing everything by the book. Including school.
Skipping school for a day isn't exactly helpful.

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 19/09/2018 21:06

Well as she didn't actually saying anything, I'd say your husband is projecting his own feelings about the holiday.

How can she keep her feelings to herself when it was purely a facial expression?

Original poster
Marie0 · 19/09/2018 21:18

ok thanks everyone

OP posts:
MatildaTheCat · 19/09/2018 21:22

It is unusual to take a 13year old out of school for even a day’s holiday in September. I’m not surprised she frowned.

garethsouthgatesmrs · 19/09/2018 21:24

If his behaviour had been impacting on his schooling then yes I suspect it's the time off school that she is judging.

ButchyRestingFace · 19/09/2018 21:27

Like the PP, I imagine it's the skipping school that caused the frowniness.

Or perhaps the poor woman had something in her eye.

ilovesooty · 19/09/2018 21:29

You weren't there and your husband is interpreting her response.
Is your husband fully committed to engaging in therapy? Will the next stage involve being seen as a family?
Having said that I don't see why she found it necessary to chat at all.

Original poster
Marie0 · 19/09/2018 21:32

Lol - I'm not sure she had something in her eye :)

Yeah, maybe it's the day off school. Personally don't think it's a massive deal as so many parents take children out of school - but I think it was more to do with his behaviour (in and out of school)

I think may be DH was a bit stressed as he had just had a meeting with school (DS1 is currently temporarily excluded). As it happens it went well, but school were planning on allowing him back towards the end of the week, but agreed Monday was fine as he obviously told them we were away on the Friday.

OP posts:
MeanTangerine · 19/09/2018 21:33

Maybe she was thinking that if your ds' behaviour is that hard at the minute, the holiday might not be much fun. Or it might be difficult to put into place any strategies she's talked over with you.

Or maybe she suddenly remembered she needs to get milk on the way home from work but her son is going to football and her daughter has to get to Brownies so...

Original poster
Marie0 · 19/09/2018 21:34

Yes we are all very committed. DH met with her last week - and she kept him there for just under 2 hours!! whereas my meeting was only 40 minutes so he was laughing saying how he was obviously more interesting that me :)

OP posts:
Original poster
Marie0 · 19/09/2018 21:35

We've only each had the one meeting so she hasn't suggested any strategies yet

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 19/09/2018 21:35

Why were they chatting? She sees you in the therapy room not in a social setting outside.

Shednik · 19/09/2018 21:35

Ah, that makes sense then. Because he's been excluded from school, it almost seems like a reward, or like making the suspension an enjoyable experience.

That will be why she was surprised.

ConkerTriumphant · 19/09/2018 21:36

If my child had been excluded from school there is NO WAY ON EARTH I’d take him on holiday.
I think the therapist was surprised at your choice, and unable to hide it.

ilovesooty · 19/09/2018 21:36

How long were the appointments scheduled for?

I'd worry about her boundaries quite frankly.

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