to think the therapist was a bit judgey?

[Marie0]

Started to see a therapist last week due to my DS1 (he's 13) impulsive and destructive behaviour.

She has met with me and DH already (separately) and met with DS1 today.

As DH collected DS1 at the end of his session they had a bit of chit chat (DH and therapist) and it came up that we are going on holiday on Friday.

She frowned a little and clearly disapproved given DS's bad behaviour - but then quickly changed the subject and said goodbye.

DH is now cross as he felt she was judgemental. He didn't feel the need to justify himself and why indeed should he?

AIBU to think she maybe should have kept her feelings to herself?

Your husband isn't Lord of the universe and should listen to the therapist

Lol at ‘Lord if the universe’ - I’ll pass that on to him - he does listen to the therapist- what makes you think he doesn’t?

You really can’t see how the John Lewis experience is relevant?

You might not be bothered about the counsellor's poor grasp of boundaries which makes me wonder if the mutual expectations of the therapeutic relationship have even been explained to you.

I haven't read the whole thread OP but I'm sorry you're having such a hard time on here.

I think a 4 day holiday to bond and 'love bomb' BOTH your children would be more beneficial to his behaviour and his school attainment.

I doubt if the posters hoiking up their judgy pants have stopped to think that the DC in question clearly has additional needs too (potentially ADHD, maybe ASD like your other son?) and that is contributing to his difficulties? for you

Thank you Bells - I think you’ve hit the nail on the head.

It’s so difficult as presumably most children respond to boundaries and discipline, but unfortunately he doesn’t- hence why we are hoping by working with a therapist we will be able to implement more effective strategies to manage his behaviour with her advice

Absolutely - my DS (although much younger and NT as far as we know) also responds much better to us continuously showing love and trust in him (and then explaining about why certain behaviours are undesirable) rather than constantly 'laying down the law'. I don't think it's THAT uncommon. Hope the weekend goes well!

Sending your child to school, on a day they would normally be in school and have been permitted to be in school, is not laying down the law. If he woke up on that morning and was school refusing that’s a different story- it would be laying down the law to drag him to school and force him to stay (although good luck achieving that with a 13 year old refuser).

Im loving all the absolutely batshit armchair psychologists, and getting screamed at in john lewis is exactly the same as experiencing a child with behavioural issue and judgement on top of that from a proffessional. please never change MN collapses laughing

Maybe stop laughing for a bit and work on your comprehension skills??

dont worry about my comprehension skills, good lord.

But if the therapist didn't (rightly) actually say anything, your DH has no idea whether or not she was being judgy. The fact that he interpreted it that way says to me that he does in some way feel maybe the break isn't the wisest idea ever.

I think you are being vvu to book a break in term time, presumably you're doing that to save money? At DD's school a holiday is never classed as an authorised absence (unless maybe a military family) - I think you're right, the school are probably just glad to have one less day of dealing with your child (rightly or wrongly).

No therapist seeing people in a professional setting should be chatting socially to those clients outside the counselling room and outside appointment times.

Bollocks.

I'd be surprised if any therapist who works with children and families disapproved of you guys spending time together as a family, regardless of behavioural difficulties. I'm with everyone else and I imagine she was surprised that you were taking him out in term time.

The question is why did you book a holiday in TERM time instead of in the HOLIDAYS ?

We all want to pay less.
If we can’t afford holiday costs then that year we do not go. Or have Saturday and Sunday in a caravan somewhere. Many people have not had family holidays for years .

Yes, you can have nice outings, but do what you can afford. If you can only afford a holiday in term time, then you can’t afford a holiday, so figure out something cheaper for your family to do.

HopeandFaith

Stop talking rubbish

quite simply because it was a good time for us to go away as a family.

It's nothing to do with me if families have not had nice holidays for years.

I can afford to go during the summer holidays and do, this was an extra weekend.

I don't believe taking children out of school for one day in an academic year is unreasonable.

Why are you still saying it’s one day, when your child has been on an exclusion for the past (week? fortnight?)

And that nonsense about “we can afford to go on holiday during the actual school holidays, this is extra”?!
The apple doesn’t appear to have fallen far from the tree, sadly.

Is this the first term time holiday you’ve ever taken?

It just seems like such a relaxed attitude to missing school when he has already missed so much. I don’t get it.

Yes it is just one day -

nothing to do with relaxed attitude - more about balance between school and home life.

Anyway I think we've all come to the conclusion that therapists reaction was more about taking him out of school - which is fine, no problem I accept that.

I think this is now turning into being about me taking my child out of school for a day which is another debate altogether.

why is it nonsense? It's absolutely true about affording holidays and this is an extra

more about balance between school and home life.

Which is what the school holidays are for! Those that just ended less than a month ago. And he has just had a good whack off school.

Nobody’s disputing whether it’s true

I don't agree with the way the holidays are set up I'm afraid- the summer is far too long a break from school. I (we as a family) are not in sync with current UK school system - semesters would be far more effective.

lama - please feel free to post on other threads where maybe your comments will be more appreciated. Here you just seem to be looking for an argument.