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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off photographer asked DD if he should edit her photos?

177 replies

ShowerOfMonsters · 19/09/2018 19:28

School photos today. DD scraped her face on a tree branch at the weekend and has a scratch on her chin. The photographer asked if she'd like him to airbrush it out of the photo Shock She is 6. AIBU to think this is totally unacceptable and an awful message to be giving such young children?

If they want to offer the service then maybe to parents in the blurb when they try to get us to buy extortionate photos but not to the kids, and certainly not in class.

DD's best friend has a bruise on her forehead (swing collision) and her mum said DDBF came home saying the same and asking how bad it looks. (I don't know if any boys were offered the same service). I'm in two minds about complaining as I have another child and think I should save battles with school for more important (SN) things. Although I think it is important. I've told best friend's mum she needs to complain because I can't!

OP posts:
YouWereRight · 19/09/2018 22:32

Sorry, @Lindalee3 it was a scab on his nose. My phone apparently doesn't have scab in its dictionary!

RavenWings · 19/09/2018 22:33

Yabu, total overreaction imo. For every child and parent happy to document that scratch or bruise, there would be more freaking out at the idea of an imperfect school photo.

She was not asked if she wanted her teeth whitened, she was not asked if she wanted her face slimmed or nose altered. It's nothing along those lines and I think it's ridiculous to suggest that it's similar.

MazDazzle · 19/09/2018 22:33

The photographer didn’t ask anyone Shower. She sent me the proofs and mentioned in the email that she’d airbrushed them.

mathanxiety · 19/09/2018 22:36

I hope it won't bother her for long, but what about the older children. It could utterly destroy their self-confidence.

Resilience, people!

Or are we raising a generation of nellies?

Grin Grin Grin @ ThreeLeggedCat's granny..

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 19/09/2018 22:38

What’s the 6 year old’s reading level got to do with the price of fish?
She’s not on Mumsnet, even if she’s currently reading War and Peace.

Highheels1 · 19/09/2018 22:39

I can understand why photoshop is used in society but it’s a shame that it’s so normalised, especially used on kids!?
Why does everything need to look perfect? What is wrong with having a childhood graze (unless it was caused by a very traumatic/“need to forget” event)? Why should a child be made to feel (via suggestion of an adult) that their appearance should be digitally altered? Yanbu OP

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 19/09/2018 22:42

Because it’s not a casual snapshot, it’s a formal portrait costing upwards of £20, if my experience is anything to go by.
Why would you insist that a graze that will have disappeared by the time the photograph is printed stays in?

Oakmaiden · 19/09/2018 22:46

I have a lovely school photo of my son - except he has a smear of marmite on his cheek. Every time ?I look at the photo ?I wish someone had got him to wash his face... Had they offered to airbrush it I would have said yes, definitely...

arethereanyleftatall · 19/09/2018 22:48

Photographer wasn't suggesting trying to make her face perfect, simply trying to make her face look as it ordinarily does.

lifeofdreams · 19/09/2018 22:48

YABU OP

and you also sound like you would tire me right out

Lindalee3 · 19/09/2018 23:03

Thanks @Youwereright Smile

As for saying people had photos with zits and cold sores and all sorts on their face many years ago... (like a few people have said...) That's fair enough... But now there is an opportunity to airbrush them out, so why not do that? I mean, not scars or birthmarks and suchlike, but very temporary marks (like bruises and grazes and scabs.)

Life has moved on since the mid to late 20th century, when we were not able to easily blot stuff out. So as it IS possible now, then why NOT do it now? As I said, don't airbrush most things, but a graze or a cold sore or a scab yes.....

I just don't see the harm at all, and don't see the point in acting the same as 30-40+ years ago ... Many things have moved on since then, and many things have changed. And very few people stick with the 'old ways' that they knew during their childhood or teens. So why should this be any different?

DN4GeekinDerby · 19/09/2018 23:07

For the hypothetically older child particularly, it should at least be asked of both child and parents or for those able a form so everyone knows what to expect and their opinion heard. I think just as many parents and kids will be happy to have that as a backup.

If the argument is to only ask the parents to avoid making the child uncomfortable, I would think an older child would kinda notice if their face was edited particularly for something like spots which they're likely quite aware of and any discomfort would just happen when they saw it eventually. I know the parent is the consumer but I don't see why most kids shouldn't be asked in a polite, professional manner for their own photos if asking is happening.

noobs18 · 19/09/2018 23:12

Woah!

*"Looks are the only thing that matter"
*
Wtf op?! I can assure you the only person who will destroy your daughters self-confidence in her own face is YOU with that disgusting attitude

Look, you asked if you were unreasonable, you are and have been told so repeatedly so stop shouting at posters, dragging out convenient and suspicious childhood trauma and accept that you're over-reacting. If you can't handle being told you're unreasonable, don't fucking ask!

QuacksInTheDark · 19/09/2018 23:21

It was when I read “it’s part of her story” that I knew I’d experienced a new level of cringe.
Part of her story?! Really? It will be gone in a week, I very much doubt it will come up in the speeches on her wedding day! 😂

Unfinishedkitchen · 20/09/2018 00:11

[grin]@QuacksInTheDark.

mathanxiety · 20/09/2018 01:58

I am surprised there are people sending out school photos to family members.

My recollection of school photos of my own DCs is that while charming, I had better things to spend my money on and I could take nicer, more personal ones myself and get them developed (way back before you could take a photo with a phone).

TheStoic · 20/09/2018 02:12

I don't think YABU, OP. I think it's a really strange thing for a (supposedly professional) adult to ask a 6yo child.

RoseGoldEagle · 20/09/2018 04:30

The wonder that is the human body will have air brushed that graze off her face by the time you get those photos back anyway. Can completely get being upset at the suggestion to remove permanent features of a face, but couldn’t get worked up about this. What if someone had drawn a big felt tip pen line down your daughter’s face that morning, and it hadn’t washed off, would you really display that photo? If not then it doesn’t mean you’d be giving your daughter the message ‘you’re not good enough when you have pen on your face, you need to look perfect’, it’s just normal to choose a more flattering photo to put on your wall. I have thousands of photos of my daughter stored digitally but only a few on display- I’ve picked the best ones, but not because I don’t think she’s perfect in all of them because I do, it’s just normal to display the nicest ones!

florenceheadache · 20/09/2018 04:43

in this day and age when everyone knows that photo's can be airbrushed I think it's a fair process to offer. and believe me NO ONE wants to remember their teen age acne.

murraythedog · 20/09/2018 05:35

I wish the photographer who took my year 2 school photo had airbrushed out the whopping great cold sore on my bottom lip. Urgh. They've been part of "my story" almost every year since then, but I certainly don't/didn't need a professional photographic reminder of that particular one.

murraythedog · 20/09/2018 05:37

and believe me NO ONE wants to remember their teen age acne

Exactly. Some of the school photo packages I've bought of my teenage DCs' have been a waste of money as I've had to scan the photos into the computer and remove the pimples myself.

Wendigowoman · 20/09/2018 05:53

Obviously you’re pissed off your parents airbrushed out your scar because they didn’t think it looked nice. You are projecting that onto your child. A graze does not tell her story. Your unresolved issues will damage her. Get some help.

GinPink · 20/09/2018 05:57

YABU. What an idiotic notion. My DD just had her pics done with a graze on her face I would love it to be airbrushed out. If he asked her and she got upset I'd worry about my child having bigger issues. If he's asked to airbrush her birthmark on the other hand, yes you'd have a point.

You're being ridiculous and way way OTT

Wendigowoman · 20/09/2018 05:58

Nope. Sorry to disappoint. I have been making a photobook for her grandparents. Which, thinking about it, they're probably going to hate as I haven't airbrushed out my or her scars nor the random bumps, bruises and scrapes.*

If your parents hate photos which show you all in your true form and that tell your story don’t bother making them scrap books. Your obvious issues with your parents are impacting on your child. Sort them out.

moredoll · 20/09/2018 06:01

I would also say it's not the photographers job to alter children's photos so they look what the photographer thinks they should look like.

You could argue that it Is the photographer's job to define the image. I wouldn't alter a photo I took of my DD with a graze because I take photos of her all the time. But a school photo is an image of how the pupil looked in Yr2 or whenever, and as the graze is not permanent it is unrepresentative of how your DD generally looks in Yr2.