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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off photographer asked DD if he should edit her photos?

177 replies

ShowerOfMonsters · 19/09/2018 19:28

School photos today. DD scraped her face on a tree branch at the weekend and has a scratch on her chin. The photographer asked if she'd like him to airbrush it out of the photo Shock She is 6. AIBU to think this is totally unacceptable and an awful message to be giving such young children?

If they want to offer the service then maybe to parents in the blurb when they try to get us to buy extortionate photos but not to the kids, and certainly not in class.

DD's best friend has a bruise on her forehead (swing collision) and her mum said DDBF came home saying the same and asking how bad it looks. (I don't know if any boys were offered the same service). I'm in two minds about complaining as I have another child and think I should save battles with school for more important (SN) things. Although I think it is important. I've told best friend's mum she needs to complain because I can't!

OP posts:
greendale17 · 19/09/2018 20:12

Of COURSE the photographer did nothing wrong. Why WOULDN'T you want the graze airbrushed out. It will be gone in a week, but will always be on that picture.

^This

MissionItsPossible · 19/09/2018 20:12

It’s not the photographers job though to contact parents and ask them how they would like their child’s photos looking like. I see where you’re coming from in a way but there could have easily been a thread right now made by an angry parent that the photographer took a photo of their child and didn’t bother to airbrush the scar out.

Tamiah · 19/09/2018 20:12

OP I think you need to let this one go. I can't see the posts on this thread moving away from 'YABU' and you are only going to get wound up because people don't agree with you. Your feelings are valid simply because they are real, but not what the majority of other people would feel. I think you need to sleep on it and reassess. I'm sure the photo will be lovely either way and you will laugh about the graze on her face in years to come! All the best.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 19/09/2018 20:13

Because it’s part of her story, part of who she is Confused
You are talking about a graze, not a permanent scar??
And you want it saved for posterity because it’s part of her story?! 🤮

WeLoveFlowers · 19/09/2018 20:14

I think your overreaction is likely to cause more harm to yoir DD that the photographer’s well meaning question.

Lindalee3 · 19/09/2018 20:14

@MrsGarethSouthgate

He didn't offer to re-model her nose OP, just to remove a scrape that she doesn't normally have.. Hmm

If he'd offered to remove something permanent, like a birth mark or mole, I would see your point, but this? Meh.

This exactly. Ludicrous over-reaction. As I said, some people just complain about nothing.

Thatssomebadhatharry · 19/09/2018 20:14

I see your point op and the bigger picture of what we are teaching our children. It’s a sad world. I have lots of photos as a child with scrapes and it is part of my story. It is nice looking back and saying this is when you bumped your head etc. It is airbrushing real life.

HerRoyalNotness · 19/09/2018 20:14

if they think their face is good enough for a photo.

It’s not about this at all. You’re being very OTT. It is about a cut or graze or bruise that isn’t normally there. It will not make a child feel self conscious about their normal face at all.

I had a child fall on his face the morning of school photos. They fixed it slightly, I can still see it, so will have that memory of him falling down, if that’s what you’re worried about here! And they didn’t ask my child or me. It really doesn’t matter

Lindalee3 · 19/09/2018 20:20

@ShowerOfMonsters

I agree with a few pps that you need to step away from the computer for a while. You are getting angry and frustrated that people are not agreeing with you, and no-one IS going to agree, because you are being unreasonable and irrational.

Why the F do people post in AIBU, and then kick off when most people say yes you ARE being unreasonable? Baffles me! Confused

LilacUndertones · 19/09/2018 20:21

I would say that you seem to be overthinking this. Are you having a bad day?

Original poster
ShowerOfMonsters · 19/09/2018 20:22

It will not make a child feel self conscious about their normal face at all.
In my grand total sample of two from today, yes it made two 6 year olds very conscious of their normal face when before they'd barely given it a thought.

It’s not the photographers job though to contact parents and ask them how they would like their child’s photos looking like.'
I would also say it's not the photographers job to alter children's photos so they look what the photographer thinks they should look like. And, frankly, yes, it is their job if they want to sell their photos.

I think your overreaction is likely to cause more harm to yoir DD that the photographer’s well meaning question. DD was the other side of the playground playing with her best friend whilst I had the conversation with BF's mum, so I really don't think that will have caused her any harm.

if they think their face is good enough for a photo.
It’s not about this at all....It will not make a child feel self conscious about their normal face at all.
Of course it is. Looks are the only thing that matter. My parents went back through all the childhood photos of me and erased out the scar on my face. You can bet like hell that it made me feel self conscious about it and very well aware of it.

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 19/09/2018 20:23

First off you seem to be thinking this is a gender issue (otherwise why mention that you dont know about boys)

Secondly DD fell and bust her eyebrow (needed steri strips) and then had choir pictures - its looks awful in it and would have been quite happy for it to be airbrushed out. its not part of her it was an injury

unfortunateevents · 19/09/2018 20:23

How would the photographer contact the parents? The photos are taken in school, the kids are lined up, photos taken and then photos sent back into to school for forwarding to the parents or you get a code to log in and choose one. The photographer has no contact details and school certainly wouldn't be giving them out to him/her. Honestly, next week someone will be on here again complaining because their child's photos have their collar sticking up, hair unbrushed - it's another one of those can't do right for doing wrong situations.

CrispbuttyNo1 · 19/09/2018 20:24

What if it had been a huge zit on the end of her nose? Surely any child and their parents would prefer that to be airbrushed out.

It’s a graze, not a permanent part of her like a birthmark.

Yabu and ridiculous.

MistyMeena · 19/09/2018 20:25

Hmm. I was asked if I wanted a birthmark removed from some Venture baby photos had of DC1. I refused but didn't think too much of it at the time.

I would think something like a graze would be a talking point in years to come!

Lindalee3 · 19/09/2018 20:26

Drip drip drip......... Wink

Tamiah · 19/09/2018 20:26

And OP please don't be upset by people being harsh. This is the internet and is to be expected of AIBU! To be honest, what I love about mn is that nobody knows who you are and are exceptionally honest when it comes to giving advice (which you don't need to get frustrated or upset about because we are all strangers in the internet Grin)

Ok sometimes threads go the wrong way and it ends up being a bit of a scrap, but in this case I really think you need to listen.

OP maybe the fact that your parents erased a scar from your face, and it then affected you is one of the reasons you are being so protective of your daughter? You don't want her to feel the same way?

Thing is, a scar is often permanent. You should never try to erase or be ashamed of your scars, because they will always be there. You will never look like yourself in that airbrushed photo because when you look in the mirror, you see the scar that was removed. I can absolutely understand why this affected your self confidence and made you aware of this particular feature.

A graze really is different though. It is so temporary. It will be gone soon and your daughter won't think about it, unless of course you keep reminding her.

Original poster
ShowerOfMonsters · 19/09/2018 20:27

First off you seem to be thinking this is a gender issue (otherwise why mention that you dont know about boys)
DH made that comment when I told him. And it's true, I've not spoken to any parents of boys. DS doesn't have anything on his face, so no help in the investigation.

Photos taken in school.
Photos sent home to parents.
Parents place order, either by filling the form in and sending it back through school or by email.

OP posts:
MarshaBradyo · 19/09/2018 20:29

Was she upset?

2doubles · 19/09/2018 20:30

YABU.

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 19/09/2018 20:30

YANBU to question it OP, but zero chance of debating it in any meaningful sense until the thread has matured a bit, I suspect.

HWBplus2 · 19/09/2018 20:30

I wish the photographer had offered to photoshop the massive bogey DS had up his left nostril when his year 2 photo was taken - I didn't spot it until I recieved the absolutely massive photo and there it was t
he resplendent bogey.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 19/09/2018 20:31

Most parents want their child to look perfect in school photos. (The outcry when our PTA had a new style of photos that showed the children's plimsoles was something to be actually believed and I'm still scarred from the fall out)

Photographers want to sell as many photos as possible.

The photographer is just playing the numbers.

HowsAnnie25 · 19/09/2018 20:32

My Mum bought my school photos every year, even the ones with chicken pox scabs on my face. I was seven. I absolutely hated looking at them, and hated them more and more as I got older.

MaAnandSheela · 19/09/2018 20:33

He was probably just trying to be nice and offer what he thought would be a more pleasing photo (since it was obviously a fresh scratch) at the extortionate rates. Maybe he thought you wouldn't want to buy many otherwise who knows. It's not as if he offered to make her look creepily flawless, with no natural "flaws" that we all have or add some fake makeup and slim her down. Geez.

When I lost both my front teeth I proudly flashed my toothless grin for the school photos and my teacher promptly made him retake it with a closed smile. I guess my family missed a golden opportunity to be beyond livid over nothing. Hmm