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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off photographer asked DD if he should edit her photos?

177 replies

ShowerOfMonsters · 19/09/2018 19:28

School photos today. DD scraped her face on a tree branch at the weekend and has a scratch on her chin. The photographer asked if she'd like him to airbrush it out of the photo Shock She is 6. AIBU to think this is totally unacceptable and an awful message to be giving such young children?

If they want to offer the service then maybe to parents in the blurb when they try to get us to buy extortionate photos but not to the kids, and certainly not in class.

DD's best friend has a bruise on her forehead (swing collision) and her mum said DDBF came home saying the same and asking how bad it looks. (I don't know if any boys were offered the same service). I'm in two minds about complaining as I have another child and think I should save battles with school for more important (SN) things. Although I think it is important. I've told best friend's mum she needs to complain because I can't!

OP posts:
Lindalee3 · 19/09/2018 21:34

@Showerofmonsters

Sorry Linda, going back to look for it.

Oh shit! I feel bad again now. 🤣😆😂

Original poster
ShowerOfMonsters · 19/09/2018 21:35

Of COURSE the photographer did nothing wrong. Why WOULDN'T you want the graze airbrushed out. It will be gone in a week, but will always be on that picture.

I would say yes anyway, why not?

I wouldn't say yes because I don't see the need for my child to conform to a photographer's ideal of what looks ok. That picture is of how she is now, not how we think she should be. Nor do I particularly want her thinking about her appearance in that way at only 6 years old.

OP posts:
Lindalee3 · 19/09/2018 21:37

No, that's not the post I was on about.

It was the one where I said I was sorry for being harsh and was it the fact that your parents airbrushed out your scar that has made you angry???

Tamiah · 19/09/2018 21:38

OP I think people are smart enough to understand why you feel this way, you're only responding to the comments that are the most opposite to your opinion. You have had some support here. Looks like you are ignoring the kind advice some of us have given, are focussing on those who have been more blunt (which they are entitled to be) and winding yourself up.

I've tried to be kind and offer you guidance but it's getting to a point where I feel inclined to say 'get a grip' - you're being a bit silly now.

ShalomJackie · 19/09/2018 21:40

I hope you bought the pics after all that! Grin

GandalfsWrinklyHat · 19/09/2018 21:41

YABU!
School photos today. DS ran into a door handle at a friends house and has a cut under his eye and a faint shiner. If they don’t photoshop it out I’ll buy the electronic copy and DH will.

Original poster
ShowerOfMonsters · 19/09/2018 21:42

Blush sorry, was the first one I came to.
Yes, most likely I am. There's so much pressure on people to look "perfect" these days. I just never expected it to start when they're so young.

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 19/09/2018 21:42

I'm a parent. I don't want to be bothered with a letter and consent form about whether the photographer can airbrush out a temporary graze. So, they can't win there can they? Some parents do want to be bothered with minor things, some don't.

If he had have asked my child I would hope she would have responded either 'yes please' or 'no thanks'.
I would then hope she would either tell me, in which case I would respond 'good choice. Now, what do you want for tea?', or think it was utterly irrelevant and not tell me.

I know you keep writing your dd doesn't know what a drama you've found this particular incident, so it hasn't affected her, but if you question this, then you probably question the small stuff all the time, and your child then mirrors this, and worries about stuff that just doesn't matter.

AHoleInTheWorld · 19/09/2018 21:45

I would be much more concerned that she's 6 and can barely read, then I would be about a photographer asking if she wants a scratch airbrushed out.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 19/09/2018 21:45

I actually think it’s a bit weird to insist on having a grazed face in a formal studio photograph as some sort of talking point.
She won’t remember having had a scratch as a 6 year old when she’s older, and neither will you.
Why would you want to immortalise it?

Lindalee3 · 19/09/2018 21:52

OK, no worries. Smile

I don't think the photographer did anything wrong though, and it's no big deal to remove a small graze that is only there for a week anyway...

Original poster
ShowerOfMonsters · 19/09/2018 21:52

You airbrush every photo you take then Shock

AHole she's been at school for 5 weeks, full marks in her tests so far, so she's doing just fine thanks. But certainly not a fluent enough english reader to read this thread.

What small stuff do you mean arethere?

OP posts:
Lindalee3 · 19/09/2018 21:54

Bit much having a go at the OP's daughter's reading. Jeeeez Hmm

Lindalee3 · 19/09/2018 21:56

I do photoshop bits OP, like if I (or anyone else) has a zit or a bruise.

I mean, I don't think there's anything wrong with doing that. Smile

I would never airbrush out a scar though, or birthmark (unless the person with it, asked me to.)

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 19/09/2018 22:00

I would be much more concerned that she's 6 and can barely read, then I would be about a photographer asking if she wants a scratch airbrushed out

Oh ffs. Stick with sneering at the OP about the bloody photo. If you're not aware of the myriad reasons why a six year old might not yet be reading with confidence, then you should have more to be concerned about, frankly.

TheBitterBoy · 19/09/2018 22:04

I'm on the fence here. I see your point, and maybe the photographer should have left it up to the parents and not directly ask the child, but at least they asked. A couple of years ago the school photographer airbrushed out one of my friends DS's hearing aid without asking, which caused absolute outrage (as well it should) and directly resulted in the school moving to another company the following year. However I was super happy that Pre-school turned my son's lunch stained t shirt back to.front for his photos and would have been just as happy to have dinner marks airbrushed off without needing permission. I feel like a graze is closer to the dinner stain than the hearing aid.

TotHappy · 19/09/2018 22:05

Wow, I'm really surprised at the consensus here
I agree with everything you're saying, op. I think it's unnecessary and potentially damaging (insidiously) to start teaching kids that of they edit themselves, they'll look better
Particularly girls and particularly at the age of 6. I find that shocking.

Lookatyourwatchnow · 19/09/2018 22:05

Well I'm with you OP. I am so tired and fed up of the perfect, blemish free, fake culture that the world is promoting. What's wrong with a school picture of a child with a graze? I can imagine that you will both pull this picture out from the loft in years to come and remember how she had grazed her face by being a child, who lives a happy, bruised and normal existence. Much rather that than pulling out years worth of edited, filtered pictures.

Ollivander84 · 19/09/2018 22:10

I'm a bit torn. A snapshot, sure don't edit. But a pro photo that you might send out to family etc? They're just going to say what happened there?
I model and I refuse to be altered body wise but I often have bruises removed as I do pole fitness so am usually bruised somewhere! Scars, stretch marks etc.. nope, don't touch them

YouWereRight · 19/09/2018 22:13

Ds1 had a scan on his nose edited out of his nursery pictures. They didn't ask either of us, just did it. I was unbothered. Better looking how he does most of the time, than 1week of a scan being brought up every time he sees it.

arethereanyleftatall · 19/09/2018 22:16

By 'small stuff' I mean, turning minor things in to massive dramas.

Take this incident. You have taken a photographer asking if he should remove a temporary graze so that her face should look as it normally does, and magnified it by a million, to imply that he would suggest eg making someone's massive nose smaller. That is a completely different thing. He didn't say that, didn't mean that.

Lindalee3 · 19/09/2018 22:17

@Youwereright Do you mean SCAR not SCAN?

CrispbuttyNo1 · 19/09/2018 22:19

For all those saying op is not being unreasonable, if your child had snot running down their nose on the photo, or big glowing cold sore, or even pen on their face, wouldn’t you rather it not ruin a nice photo?

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 19/09/2018 22:23

For all those saying op is not being unreasonable, if your child had snot running down their nose on the photo, or big glowing cold sore, or even pen on their face, wouldn’t you rather it not ruin a nice photo?

I don't think there's a single picture of me between the ages of 4 and 10 without a bloody cold sore Grin.

I wouldn't care at all about this stuff, no.

TotHappy · 19/09/2018 22:29

I'd expect the teachers at primary to tell DD to blow her nose, or wash her face etc. A cold sore or spot, no

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