Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was this a wierd thing for me to mention?

466 replies

UsualName · 19/09/2018 17:01

I get nervous in social situations. So my 'normal' monitor is slightly off - please tell me your views...

My DS went to a party recently. At the end there were some toys for each child to take home (I won't say what in case I'm recognised!). There seemed to be about 4 leftover on the floor and my DD wanted to take one home for her younger brother. As it would save arguments back home, I thought I would ask the birthday boy's parent if we could take one extra. She said it was fine (although did not seem overly enthusiastic) as she thought she had bought a few extra.

Later that day she posted a message on the party WhatsApp group saying that some people had not taken their toy home and would anyone like her to bring it to school drop off for them.

I felt really bad and have been worrying that she perhaps resented me taking one extra. So at school pick up today I said that I hoped it was OK for me to take one extra and did she have enough?
She behaved as though I had made her feel really uncomfortable. She muttered it was OK and she had spares, but the look on her face and body-language showed that she felt really uncomfortable and thought I was odd or something. She could not get away from me quickly enough. Usually we could chat a little if we bump into each other on the school run, so it was noticeable that she did not want to engage.

Was it weird of me to mention this?

OP posts:
trumpmeansfart · 19/09/2018 20:43

*What I think is weird about this story is that party mum put that message out on WhatsApp. If the presents were such small bits of tat, why was she so concerned about some guests not getting them?

Yeah, that's one of the things that lead me to assume that the toys must be fairly big/costly. Who worries that someone didn't take their glowstick home?*

Do you have any idea the rough value of the toy, OP?
just for nosiness context

Charolais · 19/09/2018 20:43

When I was first married my in-laws, both dead now, would ask me for things that they saw in my house and it would throw me for such a loop and I would say yes, they could have it.

I absolutely didn't want to give them my things, I wanted to be nice and didn't know how to say no to such a request. I would rather go without than ask for ANYTHING.

After several years of being their DIL I realized they were just ill mannered and learned to say no. "No you cannot have that ornament. My dad brought it over from England and it was his mother's you cheeky fuckers".

You sound really nice and not like a CF at all. Don't let it get to you.

Firsttimemum892 · 19/09/2018 20:45

Don’t worry about it in my opinion it’s not rude it’s a bloody small toy for a child like others have said if there wasn’t enough she could have just said that ...the fact that kids left them behind and she had to chase them up on WhatsApp just shows most of the kids/parents weren’t arsed about them anyway. If she wants to fall out or act weird with you then let her just leave her to it

tempester28 · 19/09/2018 20:46

I always end up with leftovers and if a younger sibling comes to pick up I would definitely offer a spare party bag or slice of cake and have done lots of times. I don't think you were rude if there were more toys than kids left at the end of the party.

cornflakegirl · 19/09/2018 20:47

I'm another who aims to get rid of the leftover party bag tat at the end and would have been quite happy for you to ask. Maybe the mum was embarrassed that her message made you feel awkward.

busybarbara · 19/09/2018 20:47

Anyone who would get offended by being asked if they can take an extra toy is far more rude than OP IMHO. Total weird over reaction to get offended by that.

SirVixofVixHall · 19/09/2018 20:47

Op, I do think this is a really rude thing to do, yes. I’ve had people ask me for an extra party bag for a sibling and it made me cross, it is hard to say no in that situation. I have told my dds since they were tiny that they never, ever ask for something in someone else’s house, apart from a glass of water. So this to me seems rude.
But...the big but is that you didn’t realise it might sound cheeky, you were instead baffled by the frosty response. So don’t feel bad about it, you didn’t do anything unkind or deliberately mean, you just crossed a small social boundary by accident. Something that in one way or another happens to everyone. We only really learn where the boundaries are by being told in advance, or transgressing them.
I once found a child rummaging through my drawers ! That was a child who hadn’t been told that this was a really rude thing to do, so how could they know ? You now know that this isn’t generally the done thing at parties, because then every child there wants one for a sibling and the party-bag total doubles ( this was the situation I was in, as several others then asked for bags to take home) .
Everyone will at some point have felt a bit embarrassed at a faux pas. That’s all it was. We’ve all been there.

chocatoo · 19/09/2018 20:49

OK so you made a faux pas but it wasn't that bad. If it was me I would try to show party Mum that I was embarrassed by the little faux pas , perhaps by giving something tiny like a teeny bag of homemade brownies or cookies (keep it really tiny otherwise she might be embarrassed) - I would write a brief message on a tag something along the lines of 'thanks so much for inviting DD to x's party and thanks especially for your kindness in letting DD's sister have the treat to take home (which I feel a bit embarrassed about asking in retrospect). Hope you enjoy the cookies, Love from Usual

LaPampa · 19/09/2018 20:49

I understand over analysing a situation where you get the feeling you’ve done something wrong but I think the advice to stop digging is spot on.

I’m also going to hazard a guess that the party mum is more concerned with why her party bag toys were rejected than whether you asked for two. She was probably bemused and awkward because of her insecurities about the toys.

That said, I think appearing greedy never goes down well, no matter how well intentioned the question when you’re in a situation with acquaintances like school parties.

But not worth dwelling on any further!

YourVagesty · 19/09/2018 20:50

I wouldn't worry OP. I would've been more than happy to let you have one of the extra toys if I was her. She sounds uptight.

ChocolateDoll · 19/09/2018 20:54

You were rude.

All this big faff after the event doesn’t make it less so.

Have you ever arranged a child’s party yourself?

SponsoredFred · 19/09/2018 20:55

Oh my LAAAWRD!! Dont do what choato suggests 🤣

This thread is hilarious
Do any of you ever actually interact with other people, in real life?

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 19/09/2018 20:56

Really? Is it only me that thinks this is a fuss over nothing??
So OP asks for a toy for other child - is that really such a big deal to the extent that party mum can't bring herself to talk to OP the next day? Really? Am I missing something here

No, me too. I don't think it was a big deal at all. I wouldn't bat an eyelid if someone asked me if they take something for a sibling.

I don't think you were a CF OP, the party mum's reaction is ridiculous, if she's doing some weird blanking thing over a cheap toy.

This would definitely be filed under 'meaningless, unimportant nothing' in my head space. Grin

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 19/09/2018 20:57

Bold fail

Holidayshopping · 19/09/2018 20:57

Parties seem to go one of two ways with regards to presents. Either a party bag full of cake, Haribo and tat like bubbles and magnetic frogs OR one gift that’s decent. Maybe this was a ‘decent’ gift rather than a tatty one?

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 19/09/2018 20:58

x-post with sponsoredFred with whom I also agree.

SponsoredFred · 19/09/2018 21:00

Magnetic frogs holiday?? I would bloody love some magnetic frogs, me. Where do you get them to?

BrightLightsandBlackHoles · 19/09/2018 21:00

If I let myself worry about stuff like this I'd never leave the house. It's nothing. Move on. If other mum is somehow offended then you dodged a bullet, she'd be hard work. Much more likely that she had other stuff on her mind. What you did isn't off, but dwelling on it is making something trivial into a big deal. We all fuck up every day. Be kinder to yourself x

PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 19/09/2018 21:01

This is AIBU at its fucking batshit finest @chocatoo and @shegotbettedaviseyes

Chipshopninja · 19/09/2018 21:01

If there were spares I don't think you should have had to ask to be honest.

At any parties if we have extra party bags I always hand them out to the children who I know have siblings

She sounds like an odd ball to me OP. Don't let it worry you.

If it was me I'd have been glad not to have to take the novelty shite home with me.

freakinbananaspiders · 19/09/2018 21:06

Chips that exactly what I was thinking as I read the responses. It was as though I'd already posted as yours was the last post - confused me for a second. What she said!!

FruitofAutumn · 19/09/2018 21:18

how is this graze 'part of who she is' - will she be someone different next week when it is gone?

rackhampearl · 19/09/2018 21:18

@SponsoredFred I am howling Grin

This is the craziest thread I have ever read.

Stop dwelling on it OP, you're gonna drive yourself nuts.

holly30 · 19/09/2018 21:19

probably should have waited for an offer but I really don't think it is the end of the world.

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 19/09/2018 21:21

Could you write a poem of contrition, OP? Nothing complicated, just four - nine verses of sincere but lighthearted remorse.

Or a hamper! Nothing says 'I'm sorry for asking if I could take a bit of post-party plastic crap off your hands,' like Gentleman's Relish and liqueur chocolates packed in fake wicker.

Swipe left for the next trending thread