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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was this a wierd thing for me to mention?

466 replies

UsualName · 19/09/2018 17:01

I get nervous in social situations. So my 'normal' monitor is slightly off - please tell me your views...

My DS went to a party recently. At the end there were some toys for each child to take home (I won't say what in case I'm recognised!). There seemed to be about 4 leftover on the floor and my DD wanted to take one home for her younger brother. As it would save arguments back home, I thought I would ask the birthday boy's parent if we could take one extra. She said it was fine (although did not seem overly enthusiastic) as she thought she had bought a few extra.

Later that day she posted a message on the party WhatsApp group saying that some people had not taken their toy home and would anyone like her to bring it to school drop off for them.

I felt really bad and have been worrying that she perhaps resented me taking one extra. So at school pick up today I said that I hoped it was OK for me to take one extra and did she have enough?
She behaved as though I had made her feel really uncomfortable. She muttered it was OK and she had spares, but the look on her face and body-language showed that she felt really uncomfortable and thought I was odd or something. She could not get away from me quickly enough. Usually we could chat a little if we bump into each other on the school run, so it was noticeable that she did not want to engage.

Was it weird of me to mention this?

OP posts:
Donnyduds · 19/09/2018 20:04

When I give a Party each Child goes away with a Party bag & small gift plus all the Balloons, last to leave get as many as they can carry of what’s leftover. What would I want with them, you’re reading too much into this. If you feel bad buy her a thank you card and a bunch of Flowers it’s really not worth getting upset over, some of the replies on here are ridiculous bordering on Bullying.

WinterRainbow · 19/09/2018 20:05

Id think it was slightly cheeky to ask as I wouldn’t manage to say no when put on the spot like that but I wouldn’t give it a second thought afterwards and certainly wouldn’t be funny with the Mum for that. I would just assume there’s something else making her uncomfortable rather than it being you. It sounds like you think the other parents look down on you and you don’t feel very confident in this group. That seems to be what’s underlying your feelings about this. I think you need to work on your confidence in this particular setting

TheSultanofPingu · 19/09/2018 20:07

If I was hosting a party it wouldn't bother me in the slightest if someone asked for a tube of bubbles or whatever that they thought was going spare.

KnitFastDieWarm · 19/09/2018 20:10

Jesus, the OP asked if a cheap toy was going spare, she didn’t take a shit on the rug! Some of the responses here are bonkers.
OP just forget about it, it’s not worth another second of your concern.

Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 19/09/2018 20:10

It wouldn't bother me either. There were spare toys, you politely asked, she said yes. What's the problem? If she sent the message asking people if they wanted their toy with the intention of making you feel bad, then she's the one at fault. How petty.

Helpimfalling · 19/09/2018 20:11

In all honesty I don't know if I'd asked or not but I know If I was the mum hosting the party I would expect you to ask if there were some left over and you had a moaning child and I would have offered if there were spares

It's odd of her to be so precious and ungiving!!

Did you take a gift to the party out of interest not that it matters

SponsoredFred · 19/09/2018 20:15

. It sounds like you think the other parents look down on you and you don’t feel very confident in this group. That seems to be what’s underlying your feelings about this. I think you need to work on your confidence in this particular setting

I honestly wouldnt bother to 'work on your confidence'. Just work on finding some people to social with who dont get their knickers in a knot over novelty toys

Flyingpigs247 · 19/09/2018 20:16

Just try to forget about it.
The fact you are dwelling on it shows you care and you are far from selfish.
If I'd been the other mum I wouldn't have thought you were rude at all.
I always buy a few extra for siblings anyway. x

Bearbehind · 19/09/2018 20:18

In answer to the thread title, it was a really weird thing to ask.

There's 2 reasons I find it odd

  • Firstly you can't possibly expect a party host to provide gifts for all the siblings of the children who attend so why would your child's sibling be any different.
  • Secondly, if you already think they look down on you because you're not as wealthy as them, how did you think asking for a cheap toy for your other child was going to help.

In the grand scheme of things it's really not a big deal and I can see you feel really bad now but it was a very odd thing to have done.

Just learn from it and move on 😁

TubeTop · 19/09/2018 20:19

It's not a massive deal but just don't do it again.

ShannonRockallMalin · 19/09/2018 20:20

I do feel for you! I am also ill at ease in social situations, and can still clearly remember how mortified I felt over 10 years ago when I had to take DSs younger sibling along to a party (it was a parents must stay type of event). When they had the party tea I asked if sibling could have something to eat and was met with a very icy response of ‘we’ve only got enough for the party children’. I felt terrible for asking, but it was only a request, not a demand! It’ll all blow over soon enough.

LittleMG · 19/09/2018 20:22

I would just like to try and make you feel a bit better by saying OK SO YOU MADE A MISTAKE.
Easier said than done but move on time heals all. My mum used to tell me there was only one perfect person born and that was Jesus. Bless her it’s good advice though. We live and learn every day xxx

SponsoredFred · 19/09/2018 20:27

but just don't do it again
🤣😂🤣😂

WTAF?!

peonysandhotcrossbuns · 19/09/2018 20:30

I would have been taken aback by this. It's expensive planning and buying for parties and she probably felt like you weren't appreciating how the whole thing works e.g. 10 people RSVP so buy 10 party bags etc.
I would have felt embarrassed to ask. It was rude YABU.

JellyBears · 19/09/2018 20:30

Stop worrying so much! Who cares you took an extra toy, you asked she said yes. It’s fine.

SouthWestmom · 19/09/2018 20:30

Honestly op don't ask about normal social interactions on Mumsnet. Loads of us are weird/awkward/bitchy etc 😂

Just move on. The least weird thing you can do now is to carry on as usual. Smile, say hi, etc etc.

Lalliella · 19/09/2018 20:30

OP if someone did this at a party I had hosted I wouldn’t give it a second thought. I’d be glad that someone had taken an extra bit of tat off my hands. What I think is weird about this story is that party mum put that message out on WhatsApp. If the presents were such small bits of tat, why was she so concerned about some guests not getting them? Unless she wanted to offload what was left. My guess would be that she’d forgotten you’d taken an extra one and her reaction was one of bemusement.

I really think you’re overthinking this OP. You sound like a nice, sensitive, caring soul, and if anyone gets annoyed by your actions they’re not worth bothering with frankly.

SheCameFromGreeceSheHadaThirst · 19/09/2018 20:35

What I think is weird about this story is that party mum put that message out on WhatsApp. If the presents were such small bits of tat, why was she so concerned about some guests not getting them?

Yeah, that's one of the things that lead me to assume that the toys must be fairly big/costly. Who worries that someone didn't take their glowstick home?1 Confused

Mullersynner · 19/09/2018 20:36

Op don’t give it another seconds thought. It might not have seemed rude in the circumstances and in the moment. Party mums being a bit odd. You asked, you got. She might be kicking herself at saying yes but that’s her issue for not saying no. You even checked you hadn’t left a child without, after seeing her message.
Be kind to yourself x

Mullersynner · 19/09/2018 20:37

Party mum probably put the message up for you to see, to make a point that they were supposed to be allocated to set children. She probably felt awkward when you then brought up her message. She’s being a bit silly

barleyreed · 19/09/2018 20:39

I really wouldn't worry about it at all! What a lovely child you are raising that they wanted to take a toy home for their younger sibling :) I would be proud if DC1 asked to do that!

Mullersynner · 19/09/2018 20:40

I’ve had parties where parents have acted a lot stranger, like bringing siblings of invited children to soft play parties. They weren’t invited, but I just paid for them as an extra and gave them a spare party bag. Just you know, to be welcoming and nice! Never made the parents feel awkward. I still don’t know whether they just thought it was okay to do that or were taking the piss Grin

fairshare · 19/09/2018 20:41

Op please dont feel bad about it. In the grand scheme of things it isn’t a big deal. If i was that mum i wouldn’t think anything of it. It’ll all be forgotten soon.

trumpmeansfart · 19/09/2018 20:41

Jesus, the OP asked if a cheap toy was going spare, she didn’t take a shit on the rug

Grin
Holidayshopping · 19/09/2018 20:42

Hmm, if in doubt of how to behave in social situations, and you’re worried that the affluent circle you are mixing in looks down to you, possibly best not to ask to take toys home with you.

If you had a whingy toddler with you crying, pointing and desperate for the toy, I could sort of get it but asking to take a toy home for a child who isn’t there, is pretty much CF!

I’m intrigued bythe value of the toy though. Bubbles are what, 50p and I wouldn’t imagine the party mum would bother texting people to check if they’d forgotten them, and asking if they wanted her to drop the 50p bubbles off, which makes me think the toys were nicer, and more expensive than that?