Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was this a wierd thing for me to mention?

466 replies

UsualName · 19/09/2018 17:01

I get nervous in social situations. So my 'normal' monitor is slightly off - please tell me your views...

My DS went to a party recently. At the end there were some toys for each child to take home (I won't say what in case I'm recognised!). There seemed to be about 4 leftover on the floor and my DD wanted to take one home for her younger brother. As it would save arguments back home, I thought I would ask the birthday boy's parent if we could take one extra. She said it was fine (although did not seem overly enthusiastic) as she thought she had bought a few extra.

Later that day she posted a message on the party WhatsApp group saying that some people had not taken their toy home and would anyone like her to bring it to school drop off for them.

I felt really bad and have been worrying that she perhaps resented me taking one extra. So at school pick up today I said that I hoped it was OK for me to take one extra and did she have enough?
She behaved as though I had made her feel really uncomfortable. She muttered it was OK and she had spares, but the look on her face and body-language showed that she felt really uncomfortable and thought I was odd or something. She could not get away from me quickly enough. Usually we could chat a little if we bump into each other on the school run, so it was noticeable that she did not want to engage.

Was it weird of me to mention this?

OP posts:
TimesNewRoman · 20/09/2018 11:37

Some of the comments here are ridiculous. Given the fact that she still had some toys left after the party then obviously it was fine for you to take another as some people clearly didn't want theirs and she had them left over.
I don't think it was rude of you to ask. Not at all. I really hope this is just an Only on MN type thing. Otherwise there are some really mean mums out there.
Honestly people you really would grudge giving bubbles to someones sibling when you had some left after a party?!
And if she had felt too socially awkward to say no, then it is up to her to feel bad for you having an extra one, not you!

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 20/09/2018 11:39

obviously it was fine for you to take another??

TimesNewRoman · 20/09/2018 11:43

Well look, she put them out for people to take.
Some people didnt take them.
She has to message people about it to try and get rid of them

OP was doing her a favour IMO

Emilizz34 · 20/09/2018 11:44

I think it was very cheeky of you to ask . Over the years , I’ve often had kids ask for a party bag for a sibling whilst their parent stands there and says nothing .
If you had asked me , I would have said yes ( because I’m polite) but I would have been inwardly annoyed .
Having said that , what’s done is done . Put it behind you now . It will be forgotten in a week or two .

whatwouldkeithRichardsdo2 · 20/09/2018 11:45

It's done now. It's not the end of the world. Maybe it's given you food for thought. It'll blow over if you move on and don't dwell on it.

LaurieMarlow · 20/09/2018 11:47

Honestly people you really would grudge giving bubbles to someones sibling when you had some left after a party?

What if I'd just eyed the bubble pile
and clocked there are exactly enough left to give to child's cousins when we see them tomorrow. I'm thinking how nice that will be as they weren't able to come to the party.

Then in comes OP, wanting one for a child I don't know. I feel under pressure in that situation to say yes.

Grudge is a strong word, but the person who bought them surely has the right to dole them out to the children she wants to have them.

And what if all parents behaved like the OP. Do I begrudge that? Even though I'm effectively being asked to cater to a load of children I don't know and haven't invited?

Redglitter · 20/09/2018 11:50

Personally I wouldn't have asked but at the end of the day there's no harm done. You need to just forget about it now. You're turning it into a huge incident. The party Mum has probably not given it another thought

PorkFlute · 20/09/2018 11:51

I’d give the bubbles if it was my kids party but I wouldn’t personally ask for something for an uninvited sibling. Generally I wouldn’t take a sibling to a party but I thought the consensus was if it’s in an open access place like a play centre it’s fine to take an uninvited sibling but you need to keep them separate from the party and they don’t get food/party bag or toy unless offered.
That’s the etiquette at every party I’ve been to.

TimesNewRoman · 20/09/2018 11:52

Oh no, what will cousin Johnny do without the bubbles he didn't even know he was getting in the first place... Hmm

SlowCooked · 20/09/2018 11:53

So petty! She could have said no. Or she was put on the spot and she said "yes" in which case that's a lesson for her too to be more assertive next time. But to continue to be awkward with you all because of some plastic tat/minor faux pas is ridiculous. Would you really want this friendship? I

SoftlyCatchyMonkey1 · 20/09/2018 11:53

Op this is not a big deal. Don't overthink it. Everyone poster on here has done a social faux pas at least a dozen times in their lives.
Christ I know I have.

LaurieMarlow · 20/09/2018 11:56

Oh no, what will Sophie's sister do without the bubbles she didn't even know she was getting, from the women she doesn't know, after the party she wasn't invited to?

I find people so entitled on this siblings issue.

squirrelspatchcock · 20/09/2018 11:57

It really isn't worth getting upset over. It wasn't rude to ask in the situation you describe, although after a hectic party the hostess probably just didn't need you making requests of her.

However, to be off with you over it is OTT on her part, even if she did think it was a bit rude. She could have said no and even if she found it a bit annoying she really needs to get over it. Ignore it and move on, no grovelling or even second thoughts needed from you.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 20/09/2018 12:02

She probably thinks it’s a bit weird that op not only asked for extras at the time; but buttonholed her the next day to ask was she sure it was ok for her to have taken them...
Tbh, I’d assume op has limited social skills and feel quite uncomfortable in her company as well.

TimesNewRoman · 20/09/2018 12:03

@LaurieMarlow Entitled? OP asked and was told yes!

themuttsnutts · 20/09/2018 12:05

If I had spare party bags, I'd give them to someone with a sibling (but discreetly so not to ruffle feathers).

If someone had asked, I don't think I'd have been offended but would be apologetic and say no if I didn't have enough.

So, it's not a big deal. Draw a line under it. It'll soon be forgotten. If the parent wants to be off with you, she's being silly as she had the opportunity to say no which I am sure you'd have been fine with

sourpatchkid · 20/09/2018 12:17

Meh I think this is one of those only on MN issues where people think everything is a big deal.

Doesn't seem rude to me at all to ask, she could have chosen to say no and if she can't do that then that's about her own social skills not the OP's. I would happily ask and happily say no if needed

I actually think what happened is that party mum is pissed off that she paid for gifts no one wanted hence posting offering to drop them off.

Try not to worry too much OP. If it was me or any of my social group we wouldn't have thought it rude

ErickBroch · 20/09/2018 12:21

MN is mad sometimes - yeah a bit cheeky to ask but you thought they were leftover, who cares. This woman is ridiculous for having a strop on about it, there were clearly some leftover, you should just say sorry and if she doesn't stop being miserable then forget her!

Very very minor mistake, move on and forget about it. I personally wouldn't care if someone asked me.

LaurieMarlow · 20/09/2018 12:22

OP asked and was told yes!

I think it was entitled of her to ask. You can think what you like.

starray · 20/09/2018 12:23

She might not have been wanting to "get away" from you. There might have been other things on her mind, totally unrelated to you. I wouldn't get so worked up over it - just a tiny event in the great scheme of things. Half of those toys probably went straight in the bin when the children got home.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 20/09/2018 12:23

Following it up the next day was downright weird.

crazycatlady5 · 20/09/2018 12:27

Why didn't I see this as being inappropriate? It seems rude to everyone on here, so why did it not seem rude to me?

Doesn’t seem rude to me and if someone asked me at my child’s party I also wouldn’t find it rude. Everyone is different I don’t think you did anything wrong at all. People love to get offended sometimes.

TemptressofWaikiki · 20/09/2018 12:28

In itself it probably was not a biggie but it was a bit rude and grabby of you to ask for an extra toy. What does irritate a bit is that you harp on about your issues and insist the woman could have just said no. It is that blinkered and quite frankly a bit self-centred attitude that is actually more annoying. You are so wrapped up in your own social anxiety but yet do not even consider that you put that other mother on the spot. By the same token, it can be really awkward for some people to say no to someone quite frankly a bit greedy. You don’t just get to play the social anxiety trump card over everyone else while having the hide of a rhino towards their feelings. And it seems your own mother is humouring, instead encouraging you to be a bit less self-centred. But instead of accepting that you might have been grabby, you then compound the awkwardness for that other woman by putting her on the spot yet again. Because you want her to make you feel better about your faux-pas. You did behave a bit greedy and just have to accept that instead of pushing her to let you off the hook. Leave that poor woman in peace.

Tinkety · 20/09/2018 12:30

There seemed to be about 4 leftover on the floor and my DD wanted to take one home for her younger brother.

Is it possible that your DD already asked for an extra toy during the party for her brother & was told no? Then you arrive & ask the same thing?

crazycatlady5 · 20/09/2018 12:37

@TemptressofWaikiki what a harsh unnecessary response to the OP. You clearly know nothing about social anxiety and have no problem making her feel worse. Well done.