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Original poster

Was this a wierd thing for me to mention?

466 replies

UsualName · 19/09/2018 17:01

I get nervous in social situations. So my 'normal' monitor is slightly off - please tell me your views...

My DS went to a party recently. At the end there were some toys for each child to take home (I won't say what in case I'm recognised!). There seemed to be about 4 leftover on the floor and my DD wanted to take one home for her younger brother. As it would save arguments back home, I thought I would ask the birthday boy's parent if we could take one extra. She said it was fine (although did not seem overly enthusiastic) as she thought she had bought a few extra.

Later that day she posted a message on the party WhatsApp group saying that some people had not taken their toy home and would anyone like her to bring it to school drop off for them.

I felt really bad and have been worrying that she perhaps resented me taking one extra. So at school pick up today I said that I hoped it was OK for me to take one extra and did she have enough?
She behaved as though I had made her feel really uncomfortable. She muttered it was OK and she had spares, but the look on her face and body-language showed that she felt really uncomfortable and thought I was odd or something. She could not get away from me quickly enough. Usually we could chat a little if we bump into each other on the school run, so it was noticeable that she did not want to engage.

Was it weird of me to mention this?

OP posts:
WTBE · 19/09/2018 22:27

Also OP I wouldn't of batted an eyelid had you asked me, but by some of the responses you should be on some sort of register HmmGrin

AmateurDad · 19/09/2018 22:28

A reasonable person! As Basil Fawlty said, “should have ‘em stuffed...”

Marie0 · 19/09/2018 22:28

Is this actually a real? Christ I wish my problems involved whether to ask for an extra bit of tat and then worrying if done the wrong thing Grin

AmateurDad · 19/09/2018 22:30

Wha?!? I have (with Mrs AD) organised and run scores of parties for our kids. You have WAY over complicated what is required...

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 19/09/2018 22:31

other women

Oh FFS you have no idea the gender of the posters and it’s really not relevant to a thread about glow sticks. Ok not glow sticks, a more identifying version of glow sticks.

No one has been torn to pieces and putting Vulture Culture in capital letters does not make it a thing.

Oxfordblue · 19/09/2018 22:32

UsualName, please don't cry & be sad. It is a bit strange to ask for a toy for a sibling that wasn't at the party.
If you could back, I'd be suggesting tell DD something like, that's a lovely to take one for you DB, but these toys are only for children that came to the party.

To remedy what's happened, you either put it down to experience & move on OR, put it in a bag & give it back to the Mum & day, I'm so sorry, I misunderstood & thought they were spares, here you are. And give it back, adding, lovely party, DD really enjoyed it.
^ this will hopefully melt the mother ice face & in a few days it'll all be forgotten.

Whatswrongwithme1 · 19/09/2018 22:44

In situations like this the best course of action is often to do nothing! If you start second and third guessing yourself, sending messages, bringing it up again with the mum or writing poems (Grin) then you make things weirder and weirder.

Not a big deal at all. You did nothing wrong.

Think of it this way. Are you going to be upset about this in a year? Two? Ten? The world will keep turning, civilisations rise, fall, we all die in the end..... In the grand scheme of things worry over a perceived slight involving a cheap plastic toy is madness.

Dollymixture22 · 19/09/2018 22:50

Yes OP leave it. There is absolutely no need to bring this up again - it won’t make you feel any better. It was a very minor thing. Most people would forget after a day or two.

There was probably a lot of social rivalries going on at the party. WhatsApp message may have been a dog at those who rejected he toy.

I doubt anyone asked for a party bag after the party, that would also be weird.

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 19/09/2018 22:52

If you feel like writing a poem or baking any brownies then we’ll be grateful for either I’m sure.

Otherwise really not worth being upset about.

AmateurDad · 19/09/2018 23:20

@namechange

“... you have no idea [of] the gender of the posters...”

Well, obviously I do, from the way the OP “speaks”. It seems to me clear OP is female.

“It’s not really relevant to a thread about glow sticks”... I didn’t suggest it was. You, on the other hand, did...

garethsouthgatesmrs · 19/09/2018 23:26

But amateur you call all other posters women. You are not a woman.(I assume) so why must all the other posters be?

SponsoredFred · 20/09/2018 06:52

To remedy what's happened, you either put it down to experience & move on OR, put it in a bag & give it back to the Mum & day, I'm so sorry, I misunderstood & thought they were spares, here you are. And give it back

😲🤤😲🤤😲🤤😲🤤
😂🤣😃😄😅😂🤣😃

The thread that keeps on giving!

Angrybird345 · 20/09/2018 07:26

You shouldn't have asked. Also, why should your little dc get a toy, he went at the party. Your bigger dc went to the party. Next time your bigger dc goes to a party are you going to ask for another party bag or toy for little dc at home?

She could have been keeping them for other friends or cousins, it was very rude to ask.

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 20/09/2018 07:33

But amateur you call all other posters women. You are not a woman.(I assume) so why must all the other posters be?

Because if we’re not, how would he be able to come in as a wise and rational man, fight off the “vultures” and solve the thread for us.

But no of course he’s not making any assumptions about gender. That’s why he says “other women”. Obviously.

Spotsandstars · 20/09/2018 07:42

Ah so maybe they weren't leftover toys but actually ones that had been given out but forgotten? Hence her reluctance and subsequent whatsapp message?

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 20/09/2018 07:42

I just called my mum about it. Who thinks it was just fine to ask, because she could have said no. If someone asked me at my child's party, I'd be honest and say no too if I had an issue with it. My family is pretty laid back though.

Yes this is what I think ( think I said it up thread ) too.

It's weird behaviour on the other woman's part to say yes then go all odd.

lynmilne65 · 20/09/2018 07:47

That's you told, naughty step immediately 😁!

Princess1066 · 20/09/2018 07:48

Jesus wept - there are some potty people on here Hmm

OP no-one I am friendly with would have been the slightest bit fazed at you asking to take a left over party favour home.

Try not to dwell on this - it's the woman who held the party that sounds a bit complicated IMO.

Chin up Wink

lynmilne65 · 20/09/2018 07:50

What a palaver, have you nothing better to do ?

Notonthestairs · 20/09/2018 07:58

I've have held 15 children's parties. I always have spare gifts for siblings because a lot of my kids friends have to bring sibs (other parent working, no other childcare etc). It wouldn't have bothered me.

To be honest I'm so grateful when the party is over you could take a birthday child's gift with you and I wouldn't care (the child might of course!)

missperegrinespeculiar · 20/09/2018 07:59

I have not read the whole thread so sorry if you have all moved on, but just to say, for a small novelty toy, I wouldn't have minded at all, would not have thought it was rude, in fact, would have been happy left overs would not go to waste but used by another child! don't feel bad!

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 20/09/2018 08:01

Had to scroll back to see if someone had actually suggested giving home made brownies.

Of course they fucking had Grin

Jeezoh · 20/09/2018 08:01

“Least said soonest mended” would be my advice!

ektomarie · 20/09/2018 08:06

I did not mention in the post, but I was the last person to leave the party and these toys were left across the floor. They looked left-over, but perhaps that was presumptuous of me.

That is one MAJOR DRIP FEED, OP.

If you were physically the last guest, then the host is odd for reacting as she did. The party was essentially over, and that pressure to be welcoming and generous to all A’s you’re watched by all your other guests is off.

For all those people who don’t understand... you ask a host in a way that gives them a chance to graciously offer it to you...

Rude: may I have one of those extra toys for my other child, please?

NOT rude: Oh gosh. Did the children forget their toys or are those extras?

Host: extras.

You say nothing. You still do not ask for one directly. You wait for the host to offer you the extra.

hendricksy · 20/09/2018 08:07

You shouldn't have asked for one , if siblings come along they shouldn't participate or expect food or a present / party bag IMO..... I appear to be in the minority because at ds party this year the whole family rocked up and expected food / drinks / entertaining and party bags 🙄🙄