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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Petty I know but (Would) IBU to copy everyone into the reply?

358 replies

VladmirsPoutine · 18/09/2018 22:14

I know this is quite a petty gripe but it's been eating away at me all evening so I've turned to the reasonable minds of MN.

I'm working on a project in which I have to complete a certain aspect before a colleague can complete her bit. The deadline is looming so about 3 weeks ago she e-mailed me asking me to send her my bit when I was done. I replied that same afternoon with my finished section saying if she wanted me to make any changes or had any comments to let me know soon as and it'd be my first priority.

I didn't hear anything back so all was well in the world. Earlier this afternoon I received an e-mail from her basically saying "Vlad, I asked you to send me xyz 3 weeks ago so I could complete abc as the deadline is nearing. Where is it? Can you send it ASAP." She'd copied in her manager, my manager and their managers too, along with a few others on the edges of the project.

She's not a malicious person so what I suspect happened is that her manager basically asked her where it was as he probably wanted to have a once-over before we declared it finished. So she must have panicked and just sent the e-mail to everyone.

Thing is, if she'd just e-mailed me or just came over to me to ask about it I would have happily said 'Here it is.... I sent it to you that day but you must have overlooked it.'

Now I feel like copying in all the people in the e-mail she sent with a PA reply. As I see it - even if I take the high road and just quietly e-mail her to the others it will look as though I dropped the ball and suddenly picked it back up again when brought to attention.

I've had quite a fairly long and extensive career so I'm not a stranger to these sorts of antics but for one or two reasons this has really irked me.

If you're still with me: WIBU to copy everyone else into the reply saying I sent this to you the same day you asked me about it (which incidentally was to schedule), or should I just send it to her alone in an e-mail and think no more of it?

OP posts:
ThanosSavedMe · 19/09/2018 08:12

As everyone else has said, definitely copy everyone in and keep it factual

WheelOfMisfortune · 19/09/2018 08:13

She started it, not you. Do not let her make you look bad in front of everyone else.

Reply ‘I sent this on (date), you must have missed it- as attached’ And then attach the sent email as an attachment to that. No denying the sent date then.

TinyTear · 19/09/2018 08:15

Definitely copy everyone and attach the original email.
Not being PA but also covering your back

Dafspunk · 19/09/2018 08:17

Yes to reply all. No to being a smarmy git with it.

gamerwidow · 19/09/2018 08:17

I wouldn’t invest to much emotion into this. All the CC’d managers will see is ‘oh this might affect the project I should do something’ then ‘oh hang on it’s ok I don’t need to think about this anymore’. It’s not that big a deal.

lifebeginz · 19/09/2018 08:17

In my work it would be standard procedure to "reply all"

She brought the others into it so you are just maintaining it...not petty at all

Havaina · 19/09/2018 08:18

Also wondering why you're even thinking about this. Sorry to bring the menz into it, but I suspect this wouldn't be a dilemma for most, or even most women.

I think assuming she panicked because her boss chased her is charitable but too much so.

ToEarlyForDecorations · 19/09/2018 08:18

Respond to her e-mail in a 'reply all' style:

I sent you / the work required was sent to you on 'x' date. Would you like me to send it to you again ?

or, as above with the work attached saying I sent it to you on 'x' date here it is again for your attention.

Would you please confirm that you have received it.

Bluewidow · 19/09/2018 08:19

Goodness I would have got the reply all button by now. It's a non
Issue she's probably has just overlooked it and innocently thinks you haven't sent it, therefore sea covering her back by cc everyone in. You now need to do the same but in a polite professional
Manner.

Pinotwoman82 · 19/09/2018 08:21

Def reply to all, when I used to work in an office this happened frequently

chatwoo · 19/09/2018 08:21

Reply all - 'I sent the info to you on date/time - see attached email. Let me know if you have any questions'.

She could have come and talked to about this in person, but no.

OnBail · 19/09/2018 08:22

I would pressed reply to all so fast my keyboard would have rattled.

OnBail · 19/09/2018 08:22
  • would have
lisasimpsonssaxophone · 19/09/2018 08:24

I had this with a sexist twat of a client who was constantly refusing to deal with me and going over my head to senior (male) management (who had far better things to do than help him, that was my job!)

Once, he emailed a senior manager saying that he urgently needed an answer to something, and when the manager gave him the answer he sent a fawning grateful reply along the lines of ‘thanks ever so much, really appreciate it, this hasn’t been explained to us before even though we’ve asked several times’ (i.e. implying that I hadn’t been doing my job). He copied in all his senior managers, my manager and a bunch of my senior colleagues right up to a VP of the company!

So (with my manager’s approval) I replied-all and attached an email from weeks before where I’d given him the exact answer he needed. I was polite and friendly and said something like ‘Hi Bob, attached is my email on this from a few weeks ago, I’m sorry if there was anything that wasn’t clear, please just let me know if there’s something else that you need on this’.

WELL. He did not like that one bit. He sent me back a very rude email (just to me) accusing me of trying to humiliate him in front of his bosses (like he hadn’t been doing that to me!) Then when my manager called him to ask if there was a problem he hurriedly backed down and just mumbled something about a misunderstanding!

I hate this shit and people need to be called on it Angry

CoraPirbright · 19/09/2018 08:24

DEF reply all with a message “please see attached a copy of the email I sent to you on xx.xx.xx as you requested. Do let me know if there is anything else I can do.”

I had a similar situ in the days before email. I took a phone message for a colleague, wrote it in his message book as per the standard procedure. He then threw a shit fit because he claimed never to have got the message and got me into trouble. Following his tantrum, I noticed him throwing paper away and behaving really grumpily. I went to his desk when he was out and had a look in his waste paper bin and - low and behold - there was the message crumpled up and thrown away!! I went to our boss (who he had involved) with it to prove my innocence. Funnily enough, he never tried to pull a stunt like that again!!

Notmethistimehonest · 19/09/2018 08:26

Another vote for definitely reply all.

She opened it all up to pass the blame to you, you can pass it right back. The fact she chose an audience is her own fault.

penuchaf · 19/09/2018 08:41

Reply all but don't just put 'see attached' - you need to at least say 'see attached email sent on xxx'. As others have said you run the risk of those who've been CC'd not bothering to open the attachment and see the date it was sent.

eddielizzard · 19/09/2018 08:46

Don't feel guilty about the reply all. She was quite happy to drop you in it.

WhatchaMaCalllit · 19/09/2018 08:59

I was reading this last night and also concur that you must do a reply to all and keep the reply factual and to the point
"Hi X, please find attached a copy of the email sent to you on Y date with the information you requested. If there are any adjustments to be made to this, please don't hesitate in getting back to me".

Don't try and out-smart the CF. It will back fire on you. Keep things clear and business-like.

hendal · 19/09/2018 09:05

I agree with PPs. Reply all, and keep it factual. Don’t apologise (you have no reason) and don’t offer her excuses (you must have missed it etc etc). As much fun as a PA response is it will only make you look bad.

I get this email “chasing” me for stuff, copying in half the company on a pretty regular basis - I’m an executive assistant which is an easy target for people who have not done their jobs, to then claim that that is because I haven’t done mine. I take much delight in replying all, and referring them to the email I send on x date (attached) with the information required.

blitzen · 19/09/2018 09:06

Another one for reply all, with the original email attached. I would also be tempted to write something like 'As per my email sent on xx (attached) please see the completed work' and then maybe 'no worries if you missed this first time' ? Not sure. I know how many people hate 'As per...' but I don't have any qualms in using it.

notapizzaeater · 19/09/2018 09:10

Def cover your back, she was happy to stick you on top of the bonfire ...

thebabysmellsofpooagain · 19/09/2018 09:11

I'd reply all and attach the email I sent previously.

Might be petty but I wouldn't want people thinking it would was me that dropped the ball! I'm at work to work, not to take the blame for other people's failings!

TheViceOfReason · 19/09/2018 09:14

Reply All and attach your original message without any hesitation.

She's being cunty, so deserves it.

FetchezLaVache · 19/09/2018 09:15

And don't say 'I assume there was no problem as I didn't hear any more about it' or similar, as this opens up a door to her making it your fault for making assumptions, not getting confirmation and not following up.