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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Petty I know but (Would) IBU to copy everyone into the reply?

358 replies

VladmirsPoutine · 18/09/2018 22:14

I know this is quite a petty gripe but it's been eating away at me all evening so I've turned to the reasonable minds of MN.

I'm working on a project in which I have to complete a certain aspect before a colleague can complete her bit. The deadline is looming so about 3 weeks ago she e-mailed me asking me to send her my bit when I was done. I replied that same afternoon with my finished section saying if she wanted me to make any changes or had any comments to let me know soon as and it'd be my first priority.

I didn't hear anything back so all was well in the world. Earlier this afternoon I received an e-mail from her basically saying "Vlad, I asked you to send me xyz 3 weeks ago so I could complete abc as the deadline is nearing. Where is it? Can you send it ASAP." She'd copied in her manager, my manager and their managers too, along with a few others on the edges of the project.

She's not a malicious person so what I suspect happened is that her manager basically asked her where it was as he probably wanted to have a once-over before we declared it finished. So she must have panicked and just sent the e-mail to everyone.

Thing is, if she'd just e-mailed me or just came over to me to ask about it I would have happily said 'Here it is.... I sent it to you that day but you must have overlooked it.'

Now I feel like copying in all the people in the e-mail she sent with a PA reply. As I see it - even if I take the high road and just quietly e-mail her to the others it will look as though I dropped the ball and suddenly picked it back up again when brought to attention.

I've had quite a fairly long and extensive career so I'm not a stranger to these sorts of antics but for one or two reasons this has really irked me.

If you're still with me: WIBU to copy everyone else into the reply saying I sent this to you the same day you asked me about it (which incidentally was to schedule), or should I just send it to her alone in an e-mail and think no more of it?

OP posts:
PuppyMonkey · 19/09/2018 15:31

God, but I do love 'reply to all' sometimes. Grin

StormTreader · 19/09/2018 15:40

You should post a few more times Greece, just to make sure everyone knows that you have decided all posting is now done. 3 or 4 should do it Grin

Glumglowworm · 19/09/2018 15:46

Definitely copy them all in! Otherwise they’re left with the impression that you’re the one who dropped the ball

SheCameFromGreeceSheHadaThirst · 19/09/2018 15:46

You should post a few more times Greece, just to make sure everyone knows that you have decided all posting is now done. 3 or 4 should do it

Are you sure 3 or 4 would be adequate? I feel like at least another 200 would be needed Confused

StormTreader · 19/09/2018 16:25

As long as you keep posting the same thing over and over, I'm sure that'll help in some way Grin

CrabbityRabbit · 19/09/2018 16:51

Did you do it OP?

Pinotwoman82 · 19/09/2018 17:23

Yes did you do it and did she reply?

ICantBelieveIDidThis · 19/09/2018 22:03

Hi @VladmirsPoutine!

How did it go?

What did you do in the end?

Original poster
VladmirsPoutine · 19/09/2018 22:39

I wanted to update earlier but I can never log-in on my phone.

Anyway, not much of a crescendo. I replied to her e-mail (with everyone still copied in) with my original August e-mail attached. I was not PA at all - very factual: 'Hi X, Please see attachment sent in August. Let me know if you need anything else. Thanks, Vlad'.

I haven't heard from her at all today but her manager did send me a quick thanks so I reckon all is well with the world.

OP posts:
GenericHamster · 19/09/2018 22:48

Nice work! Thanks for updating :)

Bluntness100 · 19/09/2018 22:48

Well done Vlad. That's the best approach, you've avoided it looking like a petty spat to management and taken the high road. It's never wise to leave blood on the table in these scenarios.

I hope she has the decency to apologise to you.

2018SoFarSoGreat · 19/09/2018 22:49

well done, Vlad. Glad her manager responded.

wineoclock1 · 19/09/2018 22:52

Reply to all and attach the email that you sent several weeks ago.

stevesmithsmum · 19/09/2018 23:06

Nice update:)

Tiredtomybones · 19/09/2018 23:17

Bravo Flowers

ICantBelieveIDidThis · 19/09/2018 23:20

Yay. Classy and passive aggressive. Grin

Original poster
VladmirsPoutine · 19/09/2018 23:32

Cancel the cheque!!! Grin

OP posts:
HollyBollyBooBoo · 20/09/2018 05:42

Well done, perfect!

lborgia · 20/09/2018 05:57

I love that the manager thanked you. I think we know who's card is marked, I'm guessing it's not yoursGrin

tildaMa · 20/09/2018 06:11

@whatshappenednow
I used to cc mails to myself under a different email address because I worked in two locations and couldn’t access internal stuff from elsewhere. The offside email address was anonymous, you couldn’t tell it was my address.

Next time you need to do it, use BCC instead of CC - the copy will still be sent to your other address but the recipient will not know about it.

www.microsoft.com/en-us/microsoft-365/blog/2012/03/23/5-tips-on-using-bcc-in-outlook-email/

BitOutOfPractice · 20/09/2018 07:03

No response from her? I’d call her and check she got it...

CuriousaboutSamphire · 20/09/2018 08:55

But Practice that's cos you are a right cow Grin

MsHomeSlice · 20/09/2018 08:56

BitOutOfPractice
No response from her? I’d call her and check she got it...

....no, email her, and cc in everybody! :o

PuppyMonkey · 20/09/2018 09:05

You see, it would make me wonder if your emails are jumping straight into her junk folder and she's not seeing them.

But that's because I like to strive to see the best in people. Grin

jaffajiffy · 20/09/2018 09:54

Absolutely reply to all. The senior people CCed will take note of how you respond. What would a self confident, secure leader write? It’s good leadership to think the best of people and to offer the benefit of the doubt. So I would be as kind as possible. “Hi so sorry you must have missed it when I sent it asking for feedback on x date. In future, I’ll ask for confirmation to ensure you’ve got all you need.”

It Sounds like you’re trying to help her not look so incompetent, which is a good leadership skill.

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