AIBU? Don't want friends DD to visit!

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I have a lovely friend who is very kind and always been there for me.

My DD and hers both attended the same nursery and became friends due to the fact we met up frequently out with nursery. It became apparent that this friendship was quite detrimental to my DD. This is something that her nursery teacher also advised me of and the nursery put a recommendation for them to be put in separate classes at school.

My friend knows nothing about any of this and she loves them being friends. This is likely because my DD is on the whole, quite well behaved. The reality is that her DD isn't.

I have a younger DD who is 2 and she can't bear to be around my friends DD, she lifts her, pokes & prods her and doesn't give her any space whatsoever even when I ask her to stop or when younger DD gets upset.

When her DD has been at my house, she has broken many things in the short visits. My DD and her DD are just very different in nature and my DD had become a bit of a bully victim and wasn't getting any space at nursery to make any other friends. Now that she's at school, she's been keeping her distance at play times but obviously it's early days with school and so she hasn't made any other strong friendships yet.

Basically, I invited my friend over this weekend for some food, wine & maybe watch a movie. Anyway, at the school when I picked up DD, friends DD ran over saying "I'm coming to your house this weekend". Then friend said "oh sorry, she's decided she's coming along too!" and then smiled. Then as we walked along her DD proceeded to say "and I can sleep over". Basically I really don't want this to happen. I'm worried that by having her spend time with DD now, she'll get dragged back into that friendship again. I feel as though I've been bulldozed into something here. I also don't want to have her to sleep over due to her behaviour at times and how she upsets my younger DD. How do I get out of this? AIBU to protect my own DD's needs here? I don't want to fall out with my friend but I just feel really stuck! Please help.

I’d cool it with the friend.

Let her know “it doesn’t suit”, she obviously an all or nothing person.

Concentrate on your own family and get some play dates for your dd with nice kind girls. Make a list with your dd and go through them one by one every Friday afternoon.

If your dd is being harassed by this other girl in school. And not allowed to play when and with whom she epwants, you MUST i for the school, as this is bullying.

Sometimes it happens with children who have poor social skills they “latch” onto a kid, as they’re the only kid who gives them the time of day, then they end up being controlled and isolated by them.

Tell your dd she’s under no obligation to speak or play with the girls or boys she doesn’t like... tell her she’s to play with the nice kids!

And you really need to grow a spine, and get some stock phrases ready for this and other pushy madams she who think their little darlings are the bees’ knees, whereas in fact, they’re little bullies.

You will meet people like her going forward, so learn from this and don’t get lumped into sacrificing your family’s happiness again.

Put your family first, and stop mithering about, people pleasing.

Honestly, you are not being fair to your friend or your DD's!! If this woman really is your pal you would be able to talk to her honestly and say the whole DD's being mates is not on the table any more!! They don't get on. Its over. Tell her honestly about the bad behaviour too. You need to set an example to your own DD's and put your foot down. Its tough and horrible to do but no excuses. No sickness bugs. I DONT WANT YOUR DD HERE BECAUSE THEY DONT GET ON (and her behaviour is shocking). If your DD sees you standing up for her right not to be bullied in her own space, this will hopefully give your her the confidence to stand up for herself too.

I had a similar problem. When child based things are mentioned I just say I don't think the kids get on well, the other mum doesn't seem to agree but she accepts my avoiding it. I then only ask her to do things clearly child free and mostly drinking wine.

Cancel this one and then be honest, but not blunt, just honest that they don't get on. If she pushes you on it, then be blunt.

ZOMBIE

It’s seven months later, the OP has probably resolved this!