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AIBU?

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Original poster

To feel slightly embarrassed to say which university my daughter is at?

327 replies

sheepdontfly · 17/09/2018 16:00

Can no one start shouting horrible things to me please? I'm wondering if anyone else knows what I mean and can tell me that they have felt the same or similar.

My daughter has started university this September and so have lots of my friends children. Also her older sibling went to one of the best unis for their subject and a lot of my friends know this, so they automatically are interested in my daughters university. I mentioned it to the first friend and their response was "oh, isn't that really far down in the boards, why did she pick there?" And I was a bit surprised at someone replying that and since I haven't really wanted to tell people where she goes.

I did say to another friend and although she didn't say the same, she did say "well yes quite hard to get into good unis nowadays" and now I'm extremely conscious of it.

OP posts:
Original poster
sheepdontfly · 17/09/2018 16:19

She's doing biology. Plenty went through the best unis for that out of my friends before DD got her places. My worry is that maybe they're right? Maybe a bad uni for biology won't do her any good.

OP posts:
Twotailed · 17/09/2018 16:20

How fucking rude of your friends - they should be embarrassed for being such assholes, not you

PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 17/09/2018 16:21

Your friends are judgey knobbers and - nicely - you need to get over yourself and be happy that DD qualified for the uni life she presumably wanted and that she’s mature enough to make an informed choice as to what she wants to do with those results.

loubluee · 17/09/2018 16:22

My ds is not at a top university, however his course is competitive. Because the course at this university is so good. That’s all I care about! Oh and he started today! Just waiting to pick him up from the bus stop (before anyone’s says he can walk it’s 6 miles from home!) I don’t know who was more excited this morning- me or him??!!

Storm4star · 17/09/2018 16:22

I come from circles where most people didn't even go to University! So just going is an achievement in itself. I agree, you need better friends. Of 10 cousins my son has been the only one to go to Uni so which one never even came into it! Be proud of your DD and ignore these supposed friends!

Shallishanti123 · 17/09/2018 16:23

Fingers crossed your daughter doesn't read this. It sounds like you and your friends are well matched.

Your daughter has worked hard and is now at uni. Not all young people have the opportunity to do that. Be proud of her.

MereDintofPandiculation · 17/09/2018 16:23

My family have been downwardly mobile in universities over the last three generations. I don't get it in real life, but it's grim on MN. "Former polytechnic" is never mentioned except in conjunction with "mickey mouse degree" or similar - despite many "former polytchenics" having good industry links so a graduate arrives on the job market having already had as part of their course a year's paid job experience in their field.

WickedLazy · 17/09/2018 16:23

If she's happy you shouldn't care what anyone thinks. Educational achievements and qualifications are surely something you can always be proud of, they're proof of hard work and dedication. She's done well if she gets to study a subject she likes at a uni she likes, I hope you've told her how proud you are of her. You're friends sound like dicks, I'd be asking quite pointedly where they and their kids went to uni, and would prob get sarcastic if they started boasting (then I'd regret it 20 seconds later Blush). Think of it as some true snooty, pretentious colours shining through.

PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 17/09/2018 16:24

Maybe a bad uni for biology won't do her any good

Piffle.

A BSc is a BSc is a BSc.

Whether she ends up with a 1st, 2:1 or 2:2 is pretty much incumbent on her.

tangoed2 · 17/09/2018 16:24

They sound like massive bell ends, ignore them and their stuck up opinions and don't let your daughter pick up on any negative vibes.

DeadBod · 17/09/2018 16:24

My friend was exactly like you when she told me which university her daughter was going to. She sounded almost apologetic. Our DC are the same age and both have gained the grades to go (different universities and different courses), it's sad that she feels like this when I'm bursting with pride Sad

MissionItsPossible · 17/09/2018 16:24

Would you show your daughter this thread? If not, then you need to tell your "friends" to stop making, quite frankly, really fucking rude comments and stick up for her and be proud that she has gone to university and is studying for her future.

WickedLazy · 17/09/2018 16:24

*your Blush

ErickBroch · 17/09/2018 16:25

Hilarious, unless you're at Oxbridge it doesn't make a ridiculous difference when looking for a job, especially if they get a First.

I always had people say 'I didn't even know had a university!' to be arsey, I took no notice and have a job now that I love.

Your child would feel pretty upset if they knew this is your reaction, I honestly think you need to choose to get over your expectations and be proud in your response to people.

LoniceraJaponica · 17/09/2018 16:25

I'm sad that the university snobbery on MN has spilled over into real life. If your DD is happy and does well, that's all that matters.

DD wants to do biomedical science. Several high ranking and RG universities do this degree, but only one does the IBMS accredited degree. I suspect that employment rates for the non RG universities are similar to the higher ranking universities because the degree is accredited. This means that anyone with an IBMS accredited biomed degree can work for the NHS without having to do top up modules.

noeffingidea · 17/09/2018 16:29

Why are some people so snobby? I have no idea where my son's uni is on the league table, I left that side of things up to him. I'm just delighted he's doing well and is enjoying it, he had special needs when he was younger and I never would have dreamt he'd come as far as he has.

Talith · 17/09/2018 16:30

I did my degree at a redbrick and my MA at the same city "ex-poly" university. Honestly the teaching at the latter and the facilities knocked my alma mater into a cocked hat.

Now I recommend the latter to people even though the former is much much more prestigious.

There's so much snobbishness over universities - and I agree you need to be absolutely delighted she's independent and clever enough to go at all - these days competition is very tough! I think her results are brilliant too - better than mine were!

Waddsup12 · 17/09/2018 16:34

I've been to both a top 10 Uni and a middle 50s ex-poly, the latter had way better teaching and course was very highly regarded in the industry.

The latter also invested in teaching and didn't regard undergraduates as things that got in the way of research.

daffodillament · 17/09/2018 16:35

Your dd has done amazingly to get into Uni. I never did but now my son son starts too in a couple of weeks. I'm going to miss him dreadfully and I imagine you must be feeling the same, so stupid comments are the last thing you need at this emotional time. Good luck to her.

Harrypotterfan1604 · 17/09/2018 16:36

Tell your friends that she picked to go there because it’s her choice where to go and it’s none of their business!
Don’t be embarrassed be proud that she’s gone to university and is working hard

Storm4star · 17/09/2018 16:37

I'm just delighted he's doing well and is enjoying it, he had special needs when he was younger and I never would have dreamt he'd come as far as he has

Same with my son and when he came out of it with a third (which I'm sure some on here would deem as worthless!), I couldn't have been more proud. It was a particularly tough degree and at times we weren't even sure he'd make it. Several of his classmates dropped out. It also hasn't hampered his career at all. He's been offered a job in the field he wanted and we're both really happy. Comparing your children to others, or allowing others to make those comparisons, is pointless at best, at worst it's very damaging.

KC225 · 17/09/2018 16:38

Your lovely daughter is in university. Be proud of her and be embarrassed about your friend's snide remarks.

Alpacanorange · 17/09/2018 16:39

You need new friends. They are horridly snobby.
You also need to not give a shit! Tell people with pride in your voice and anyone who utters something like you have already received is a twat and not worth your time.

thereallifesaffy · 17/09/2018 16:41

Is it Bristol UWE, OP? You don't have to answer! Friend's daughter went there to do biology and has secured fantastic internship and placement.
University is what you make if it too... plenty of lazy complacent young people go to 'top' universities and do little with the experience. Tell your DD to go fir it and have a fab time
And then at the end of 3 years you can thumb a nose at your lovely friends

YeTalkShiteHen · 17/09/2018 16:41

If it makes you feel any better OP I am a uni dropout from a family of prestigious university attenders.

They’re all so fucking smug about “the establishments” they attended, they forgot to remember how to be nice people.

Maybe your friends are similar?

Don’t be embarrassed because people have made snide comments, it says far more about them than it does about you or your DD!

(I had to ask what Russell Group meant on here the other day!)

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