To feel slightly embarrassed to say which university my daughter is at?

[sheepdontfly]

Can no one start shouting horrible things to me please? I'm wondering if anyone else knows what I mean and can tell me that they have felt the same or similar.

My daughter has started university this September and so have lots of my friends children. Also her older sibling went to one of the best unis for their subject and a lot of my friends know this, so they automatically are interested in my daughters university. I mentioned it to the first friend and their response was "oh, isn't that really far down in the boards, why did she pick there?" And I was a bit surprised at someone replying that and since I haven't really wanted to tell people where she goes.

I did say to another friend and although she didn't say the same, she did say "well yes quite hard to get into good unis nowadays" and now I'm extremely conscious of it.

The underlying idea is that OPs child by studying at a lower status university has lower status than OPs peers children. Reading this through a Darwinian lense of competition and social hierarchy, that has to sting a little, as the prestige of a child's accomplishemnts are often regarded as parental accomplishments.
Maybe your child can outshine their competitors in another field such as sports, or bagging a high level spouse.

My son goes to a lower down the leagues uni that actively targets students that didn't so well at school because it finds that these students do just as well at uni as all other uni students.

It also has fantastic mental health facilities and my son loves it - which i all that matters.

Your 'friends' are going to find out eventually so own it and be happy about it and any judgements reflect on them way, way more than your daughter who seems to have her head screwed on right.

A man I know went to Wolverhampton. His career went stellar, and he earns loadsamoney.

The large engineering company my dh works for specifically seeks out Hertfordshire science grads as they are considered so employable. Hope she has a fab time!

How very rude

It's Hertfordshire.

Awww

My son had similar grades, went to a similar university and dropped out during the first year. He found the whole thing very difficult, but picked himself up and now has a job.

None of my friends have been anything but supportive. I couldn’t love him, or be any more proud of him.

Your friends aren’t friends.

I went to University of Hertfordshire! My DH went to Oxford. My career has been much more successful than his (in terms of organisations worked for, opportunities, experiences, and until v.recently salary).

They sound like dicks.
My A' levels were only good enough to get into an ex-poly.
So?

Reading this again, I wonder whether you'd been a bit sniffy about universities the first time, when your older daughter got into a good university, and your "friends" are now getting their own back.

Sorry, just read your post again. It took me a while to get here and was painful when it was happening. I had to adjust my own expectations. I was firmly matter of fact, even on occasions when I found it tough. Don’t let other people shame you. Every young adult has to find their own path. I’m concerned only that my children are happy and can support themselves. I was a “high flyer” and it doesn’t guarantee a good life.

Many of the top universities have a high student to teacher ratio, fewer contact hours, allocate a lot of teaching to PhD students and the number of graduates who get jobs in their actual field is lower. Parents and prospective students don't do their research and just look at the name and the higher grades as an indication of quality. In some fields the name of the university is what counts. In most others the hiring professionals know which course is best and aren't swayed by a name.

I suggest you pretend you did the research before your dc choose and start bamboozling them with figures. "well dc's uni has a 50 to 1 teacher ratio unlike some others" etc." They will have no idea what their dc's university has!!

They are unpleasant snobbish people and their snobbery is misplaced because many ex polys do excellent courses.

People often looked down on my university but I have come out with a very good job and without bragging I'm ahead of my peers in terms of career progression in my field. So ignore them. You can go to the best university in the world and end up in a job you hate! Life is what you make of it :-)

In this case I think you need less judgemental friends!

RG is just a group of some universities, which set up as a group themselves. It is entirely self selecting. It didn't even exist when I went to university; it wasn't established until mid 90s - probably because some red brick universities wanted a way to set themselves apart from the old polys. Its also more about grants and funding, research, etc than about the courses and the teaching itself.

DD will probably go to a 'new' university - they are far better for the courses she wants to do.

Both me and dh went to 'new' universities. It hasn't stopped us in our careers.

I had no issue getting teaching jobs in the past.

DH is a solicitor and is achieving just as highly as the people we know who went to (what are now called) RG universities at the same time, infact much more so in many cases. He actually had a place at a RG university to study a different subject, but changed his mind after results day and took up his 'poly' place instead as he decided he preferred that subject. He had the grades for both. He is a partner, earns a substantial salary, well thought of in his field, etc.

Don't let old fashioned snobbery pull down your DD's achievements. There are no reasons why it will prevent her achieving whatever she sets her mind to.

I'd buy the fucking sweatshirt. ..honestly-nobody knows whats round the corner.Any one as much as attempting further education deserves credit,support,encouragement.Ijust passed a very well spoken,well mannered uni aged girl begging in town.am on way back in with sleeping bag,jacket socks and boots.and dinner.she was clearly in a shit situation. You cant change whats done/said/not said..but you can email,text or call them and say "i said this,what did you mean by responding..like that?(i never opt for dragged out confrontation. ).hope your daughter never feels ashamed of you for fear of her mates verdicts.

Jesus Christ. Is there nothing people won't try and tear someone down for these days? 'Oh well done on your achievement, congratulations, you're just starting out in the world, enriching your academic knowledge, gaining independence, you're probably about to have the time of your life but ITS NOT GOOD ENOUGH!'. Fuckers.

You are BU and should get some new (non judgemental dick) friends. I hope you've not told your daughter how embarassing she is to you!

I have a post grad from Herts.

My friend went there for her first degree, got a first. I went to a RG uni for mine and got a 2:1. We're both SAHMs at the moment but there's very little difference in our careers and earning potential.

My DP went to an incredibly low uni, graduated with a third and still got a graduate position before he finished his degree with a starting £27k salary. A degree is a degree, if she works hard then it won't make a difference. Your "friends" just sound horrible.

I work at Hertfordshire Uni, and it is a very good university, with excellent employability rates. She will do really well if she wants to.

I went to a top uni and would never consider looking down even internally on other people's university, let alone actually saying so to their mum (there's plenty they could look down on me for in return!). Your friends sound horrible. Maybe your first daughter's achievements made them jealous and they're being spiteful as a result?

Is Hertfordshire uni the old Hatfield poly? That was always good for science subjects back in the day

I went to uni in Nottingham. The poly is now beating the rg uni in the tables.

My Ds went to a new university. He was lazy at school.

He’s now 24 and works at a top media institution in London. Everyone will have heard of them. He gets free breakfast and lunch from the company, fantastic perks and some hobnobbing with stars. He scribed this through hard work not fluke.

Some people reach their peak later than others. I hate elitist universities and all the worship of them. They cater only for students who peak at a specific time in their life.

I also went to an old poly. By the time l was 25 l was earning the equivalent of 35k a year, with a company car and loads of foreign travel.

The world doesn’t begin and end with red bricks imo.