To feel slightly embarrassed to say which university my daughter is at?

[sheepdontfly]

Can no one start shouting horrible things to me please? I'm wondering if anyone else knows what I mean and can tell me that they have felt the same or similar.

My daughter has started university this September and so have lots of my friends children. Also her older sibling went to one of the best unis for their subject and a lot of my friends know this, so they automatically are interested in my daughters university. I mentioned it to the first friend and their response was "oh, isn't that really far down in the boards, why did she pick there?" And I was a bit surprised at someone replying that and since I haven't really wanted to tell people where she goes.

I did say to another friend and although she didn't say the same, she did say "well yes quite hard to get into good unis nowadays" and now I'm extremely conscious of it.

LARLARLAND My DD says that whilst she was studying ancient history and was therefore part of the Classics Department rather than the History Department of which she has no experience, it's worth noting just how low KCL ranks for student satisfaction.

They’re all so fucking smug about “the establishments” they attended, they forgot to remember how to be nice people

This. This sums it all up perfectly.

They’re not friends, they’re not nice people. Bin them. These sorts just live vicariously through their kids which makes them sad fucking losers.

I want my friends kids to be happy, and for my friends to be proud of them. Couldn’t give a flying fuck how they do that.

Take it from someone 3 Years out of university no one cares where you did your degree these days they only care about having work experience so if anyone says anything about her university choice they clearly are living in the past!! I hope your daughter has an amazing experience at the university and good luck to her!! :)

I won't shout at you OP because you're not the only one that's fixated on what other people think but, if you are embarrassed at the university your child is attending then it's because you think you should have some sort of reflected glory and you're not getting your fix as you perceive that you daughter is attending a lesser university.

This isn't about you. Get your own thrills from your own achievements. You and every other parent (mother) that has the slightest notion that what your/their child achieves is anything at all to do with you. It isn't. It's their achievement, not yours.

I really can’t believe some people. How dare they make comments like that. The fact she’s even taken A levels AND passed is an achievement in itself. Don’t be embarrassed, say it with pride. Screw these so called friends and their horrible comments.

Ok I’m not shouting at you I promise. But you need to put your DD first and dump the dickhead superficial non-friends. Your poor DD I hope she never gets wind of the feeling that she has let you down in front of your (non)friends 😞

A study in the US found that which degree program you're enrolled in is almost as important as the selectivity of the university and that the socioeconomic advantages of the students who enroll in the "elite" university explains much of the difference in outcomes:

www.insidehighered.com/news/2016/08/22/study-finds-graduates-most-selective-colleges-enjoy-earnings-payoff

There are roughly 5,000 higher education institutions in the US. My son goes to one that I had actually never heard of when we started looking, but it is very well known regionally and very successful in placing graduates into good careers and well paying jobs. And it's the perfect fit for him in many ways. But I get your issue, OP, I sometimes feel like I need to explain all this to people who think he should be either going to Harvard or a university within an hours drive of home.

Your daughters decision and I think you should be thoroughly proud of her for doing what she wants and furthering her education. What anyone else thinks is non in void. Be supportive and avoid judgemental people.

Your friends are the embarrassment tbh.
I work at a university, that isn’t particularly high on the “league tables” but had absolutely amazing opportunities for students outside of courses (trips to NYC to work with UN, trips to India to work in an ashram, opportunities to work with refugees and prisoners on really hard hitting important volunteering sessions, AMAZING employability skills gained) and specific courses are renowned in thier industry. It’s noe all about the Franklyn pointless league table placing. These people sound like nobs

Be proud that your daughter is clever enough to go to uni whatever your friends say or think. Be confident enough to bat off their snobby comments or make it clear that you don't care for such remarks by being assertive. Many people can't afford food and clothing and your daughter will make her own way in the world and a journey and friends that are valuable to her for the restf her life whilst learning to be responsible and life skills too. And maybe get some new friends.
I got a 2:2 from Hertfordshire, had a baby at 21 and have tried to make a go of what i had. I went to grammar school. I have adhd too. I didn't know at uni and made a go of it anyway and hace tried hard throughout my life to work hard. There's more to life than uni , its not the be all and end all, especially when u first go to work and everyone's got 10 years more experience than you and u have to start from thd ground up anyway. Also working class btw x i have many friends who were clever enough to apply to the top unis -some did but one of them is now a vicar xxx

Please excuse my spelling& my desmond

Ps if it happens to be Hertfordshire I went there and there's not much in the way of nightlife/shops but its actually quite good x

I've not read many responses from others but, this is a bugbear of mine. In fact, all the UK universities are "good" they are strictly monitored and peer reviewed.

The league tables mean very little in terms of the experience your child has and the education they come out with. A UK degree really is just that.

I graduated and did my PhD in two "top 3" universities and last worked at a "top 2" (horrible place). I now work at a much lower rated university but still am the same excellent academic.

The rankings are complex but one of the criteria is the tariff that people come in at, in addition to the amount of research money they attract and the jobs students get afterwords. This nothing to do with teaching quality, in fact that's why they started the TEF rankings

In fact "lower ranked" universities help the students much more and are better suited to engendering a nurturing culture for those that a less resilient and less well off (time-tables allow students to work) and actually being ethnically diverse.

We need a sector that caters for all and not for one lot of people to be looking down on the others. Also to be proud of our universities and our children that go there and work hard.

I went to a different former poly, wasn’t particularly high up the board for my subject and I loved it. I got a good degree, met the man who became my husband and made some amazing friends for life whilst having the best years of my life. Don’t be embarrassed at all, your friends sound waaay too judgmental. As long as your daughter is happy with her choice and happy when she gets there you should be too. Everyone else can suck it

There was also, "Are you worried he'll look down on you now?"

When I went to Oxford to do my D.Phil. I went home (to rural Scotland) at Christmas and an ex boyfriend said 'I didn't think you'd talk to your old friends now you're at Oxford'. I just stared at him and said 'well that would be a bit stupid wouldn't it, who would I talk to?' Some people just don't think before they open their mouths.

Where I come from the “poly”’ really does piss all over the “ancient” (and it is ancient, established 1495) and I’d say that nowadays to come from that part of the world and not attend the “poly” means you’re at the “less-good” uni.

Aberdeen is 28 in the THE rankings and Robert Gordon is at 90 so not exactly pissing all over the older establishment. That's not to say of course that there won't be some subjects that Robert Gordon is better at.

DB did his degree at Glasgow. Currently no 10 in the THE rankings. He was told by one recruiter that it was a 'second rate' university. He ended up working for the biggest and best company in his field who were not so snobby!

I caused great controversy on another thread by being negative about the identikit middle class CVs I had to read from one well regarded uni, they told me all about the parents income but nothing about the students, the mature students from the local poly were much better. The OP's daughter is doing a hard science degree and if she works hard and (especially) is enthusiastic and hard working during her year in industry she'll go on to have an interesting and rewarding career. RG counts most for mickey mouse degrees in the humanities, for numerate degrees where your degree is from doesn't matter so much, we're desperate for STEM graduates.

So rude! I am furious for you OP.

Just beam and say “DD is THRILLED! This was her absolute top choice! We are so proud of her!” Refuse to let anyone burst your bubble.

And remember, there is a long way to go yet. Parents can get quite smug about the universities their children get into, forgetting that now is when the real work starts. Many will fall by the wayside under the pressure of expectation. Just make sure your DD isn’t one of them.

Snobs.

So so rude, I honestly cannot understand why some people are so damn tactless. For what it's worth I genuinely believe most people don't know or care how universities (apart from the famous ones) are ranked, unless they're in the middle of the uni application 'journey' with their own DC at that moment.

My daughter didn't do A-Levels, and did a BTech instead. She decided not to apply for Uni this year, but might (might!) for next year...hasn't got any definite non Uni plans up her sleeve that I can get from her. All her cousins have either been to Uni, are at Uni, or planning on going to Uni within a few years. Inevitably we've had to endure a bit of a smugathon from various 'friends' (and from only a few rels tbh) about their lambkins going to Russell Group etc.

Take a deep breath, ignore the sh*ts, and support your daughter fulsomely. In 10 years' time, unless she works in politics (in which case a dumb-ass degree in PPE from Oxford seems to be required), no-one will give a monkeys where she went, only caring about her and her ability to do whatever work she ends up in. Those who still care about which Uni after a few years in work are snobby nerds. I've worked with graduates from all over the place (and hired them) and in my experience there is no obvious link between the Uni attended and its prestige/perceived ranking, and its graduates' abilities in real work.

My DD went to a trade school when she left school. One of my friends ( whose DD was going to a top university to do some wonderful degree) said disdainfully " Well as long as she is happy......." with a pitying look on her face.

Fast forward a few years , my DD completed her trade, then went off to Uni and became a teacher, now teaches high achievers at a ritzy grammar school. My friend's daughter got pregnant in her first term, dropped out, now has two DC to two men and raises chickens to pay the bills. I'm tempted to ask my friend, "Oh well as long as she is happy......"

The moral of the story ? Don't ever feel you have to apologise or make excuses for your DDs university. Who knows what the future may bring. In a few years time nobody will k now or care where she got her education - just that she got one and she is doing good things with it.

Please don't be embarrassed by uni of Herts. My cousin went there and got a 1st class Hons degree and is now extremely successful, I'm so very proud of everything she has achieved and has an amazing career.

Uni is what you make it.

DS does not have a clue about what he may want to do long term, but has just completed a four week crash course in catering (he has three decent A levels in hard subjects too) and was hired as a chef in the smartest local hotel (think internationally famous) within 24 hours of submitting a CV.

One of my best friends went to Herts. He has one of the most successful careers of everyone I know. He is CFO for North America at one of the biggest global insurers and he's still only in his 30s. Your Uni and life and thereafter is what you make of it, it's all down to how hard you work and making the right choices.

People looked down on Norwich????? By which you mean UEA, currently top 20 in Times rankings?? Waht is WRONG with people????

What a silly post