To feel slightly embarrassed to say which university my daughter is at?

[sheepdontfly]

Can no one start shouting horrible things to me please? I'm wondering if anyone else knows what I mean and can tell me that they have felt the same or similar.

My daughter has started university this September and so have lots of my friends children. Also her older sibling went to one of the best unis for their subject and a lot of my friends know this, so they automatically are interested in my daughters university. I mentioned it to the first friend and their response was "oh, isn't that really far down in the boards, why did she pick there?" And I was a bit surprised at someone replying that and since I haven't really wanted to tell people where she goes.

I did say to another friend and although she didn't say the same, she did say "well yes quite hard to get into good unis nowadays" and now I'm extremely conscious of it.

They are being catty. But if she'd got into a 'good' university you'd have had no compunction about bragging. If you can win, you can lose (just a little bit).

Get your head out of your friends (friends, I use that term loosely!) backsides, and be proud of your daughter.
My brother will never go to Uni because of his mental health difficulties, but I tell you what, right now, he;s a hell of a lot smarter than you sadly.

Honestly, I would be more worried about your daughter being embarrassed about your so-called snobby friends.

Your ‘friends’ are snobby twats. I was gutted when my carefully chosen poly became a university and the Russell Group crap gets on my nerves too - personally I’d buy a hoodie or t-shirt from your daughter’s university and make a point of wearing it every time I met these alleged friends

I went to an ex-poly, graduated with a first. Was accepted onto a graduate program at a global bank. Spent over a decade in the banking industry. Just finishing my phd. Working as a lecturer now.
Your friends are being snobby but you know that. As long as your DD has made the right choice for her she will thrive.
Good luck to your DD.

If my shiftless DS gets BCC in his A Levels and ends up anywhere doing anything, I'll be the one you see doing laps of honour around Anytown University's quadrangle/ launderette/ branch of Costa Coffee.

Hope your daughter doesn't know about this.be a proud mum and ignore your so called friends

I went to Herts and did a biology degree, graduated in 99.
I now have a good flexible job and a higher salary than some friends who went to more prestigious universities. It's all down to your daughter and what she makes good it.
I loved Herts and have very fond memories - if I were to redo my time, think I'd still choose togo there. I met some of my best friends there .

Are you sure they didn’t react that way because of the way you told them? If you were apologetic & made excuses maybe their reaction was in accordance to that.
In either case yabu. It doesn’t all
matter in the end once you’re in the field (& lets be honest often pay bracket) you want to work in.
I once knew a guy who chose religious studies just to ‘get in the back door’ at Oxford uni. What’s the point?

Idiots. Get rid of them...they sound like snobs of the worst kind. Do employees really look that hard at universities these days anyway? (beyond say Oxford or Cambridge?)

Celebrate your daughter’s achievements. There are always going to be narrow minded snobs out there. Many kids choose the ‘university of life’ these days because of the horrendous costs associated with undergrad education, not to mention the pressure placed on them by people in my generation, because of the “we all went to proper universities in our day” bullshit. Well, poly techs etc existed back then so someone must have attended there and our country isn’t overrun with a bunch of polytechnic-produced zombie-alumni! It all comes down to specialisms at different institutions and the determination of the individual doing the course imho. Bricks and mortar really don’t matter. If your daughter is happy, enjoying uni life and engaged with the course, that’s half the battle. What she gets out of the course will depend on how much effort she puts in. Don’t let other people’s snobbery affect your view of your daughter’s successes. You only get one chance to be here and now, so be proud of her.

Lower tier universities tend to be exceptionally obsessed with student satisfaction - chances are she will be happier there.

Your friends are arseholes. I hope your daughter doesn't stumble across this thread or have any idea you have even pondered this ... Shaking my head sadly

I did better in my a levels than expected (was predicted BBB and got AAB) but there was no system to apply to a course that demanded higher grades then - clearance only worked if you didn’t do as well as expected - and I didn’t want to wait another year and reapply so I just went.

My parents - and so also me - are ashamed that I went to Keele university. Even now I prefer not to talk about where I attended university. However it didn’t matter that it wasn’t a ‘top’ university in terms of going on and qualifying to do the job I wanted.

I am afraid you may have fallen victim to the ridiculous mega-bragging on MN where EVERY child in the Higher education thread has at least 5 A** s at A'level . All of which are in physics maths chemistry and pure maths... its the only possible explanation for a mother to say 'she got BCC in Alevels 'so not much choice' ... BCC at A level is absolutely fantastic and took some considerable work. !!! To say this , is to undermine all this effort.

I will repost my thoughts from the 'university snobbishness thread'
This whole issue is beyond tedious. :

Going back to the original OP and the 'snobbishness ' all I can say is that yes - it is. It is part of the whole 'competitive parent syndrome ' that is particularly prevalent in London and South East amongst the over - privileged.

It begins with the superist- elite Uber Nursery.
Moves on to the most appalling manipulation of the entrance requirements for the 'desired' primary. With people in our area actually renting homes for a year to get into the catchment. Or running themselves into bankruptcy- in order to been seen with dcs at the posh prep (if they failed to get into the aforementioned Primary)

Then we move on to 11+ tutoring and expected secondary... a word of advice... NEVER attend a dinner party with parents of year 4-6 - You will be comatose by desert.

It died down a bit once they finish bragging about which grammar.. (or boarding school if that fails BUT making it sound like that was the plan all along).

You will get a few years respite before they crank up again with competitive exam taking. Our Competitive Parents's children will ALL be taking 15 GCSE's with expected 9s across the board ..
Followed by a MINIMUM of 4 A-levels in Maths , FM , Super Maths and Maths for clever people. Or maybe an IB (or two).

When you have suffered ALL that because you just have 'normal kids who have really just had a fun childhood and got good grades and gone to a decent Uni.. you will meet the 'Uni Snob'.. who will squeeze her child's RG Uni place into every conversation... enjoy.

It's a peculiar English weirdness- borne I guess if the entrenched class system and a desperate need to look down on someone else.

The year I just about scraped my A levels, my cousin got five A levels, all A or B. My parents must have dreaded that convo...

I went to a very average college, got my degree and ended up working with a girl with a Cambridge degree, people with no degree at all, and everything in between.

Cousin is doing well, not in some mega well-paid career but very happy.

Friend of DH went to Herts, did some sort of art degree and now runs his own really successful business.

If your daughter enjoys it, works hard, has fun and gets a good result, I really don't think it will make much difference to her future career.

And surely BCC is pretty good?!

Your friends, OP, are rude. My son dropped A level grades wholesale after his quite creditable AS levels as he 'went off the boil'. He applied to a decent mid ranking iniversity even though his friends all went to Oxbridge, Durham and the like. It never bothers any of them and I was just so pleased he had decided to apply after all. A few years later and he is doing fine.

I did my first master's at Hertfordshire. This was cough several years ago, long enough ago that everyone still called it a poly. I loved it. I've never had anyone even ask me where I did my MSc and certainly nobody has ever sneered at it.

It helped kickstart my career, a couple of decades later it helped me talk my way into an MBA course at a well respected university(again, all they cared about was my award, not where I got it). I've now managed to become something of a specialist in a niche area and earn decent money working for the govt and running national campaigns that you all see every day.

My point is that nobody gives a monkey's where you go to uni really, it's all about what you make of the experience, how you make the most of the opportunity and how you develop your own expertise during the learning process.

I think your daughter will love it. Well done to her for doing what she wants, and to you for supporting her to forge ahead!

Surely if your daughter is happy OP then that's all that matters?

That would be my reply if anyone made a judgement like that about one of my DCs decisions.

There's no shame in being openly proud about your daughter's achievements, no matter what they are. Hopefully your friends will realise that they are being very old fashioned and snobbish in their views, but if not they're probably not worth having.

Ignore people, they are not good friends. You should be proud of your dd.

I get lots of comments about the school I chose for my dd as it doesn’t have the best ofstead report, I chose it for other reasons and my daughter chose it over the other school. She’s predicted A’s (the equivalent of) for her GCSE’s and I’m sure she will do ok in a levels too. I have already told her that she doesn’t have to chose a top uni just because they are high up on the list, I would rather she was happy and in a not so good uni.

You should be embarrassed about your friends, not your daughter! What unbelievable snobby as.

Thats awful op!

You need new friends !

@oftoCornwall Love you already, you've given me my first big laugh of the day and it felt good.

Surely when it comes to it a Degree is a Degree????