To think this is too much?

[lexi727]

Have always had a slightly strained relationship with MIL - she found it really hard to cut the apron strings when DH and I moved in together but we have managed to get along without incident.

DH and I have DS 2 and DD 6 weeks. For the first three weeks after DD was born MIL would take DS for one day and night a week just to give me a chance to have a rest as I had had a very hard delivery and DD is not sleeping at all. I am managing to cope better now, so have thanked her very much for their help, given her some flowers and wine etc.

MIL has decided now 'that she's used to having DS to herself once a week' (she had him once a week for 3 weeks) she should be able to carry on doing this for the foreseeable future, and that it's child cruelty to not allow this?!?! My DM thinks she's insane and is happy just nipping round once or twice a week to see her DGC, which I think MIL should be happy with too.

DH has told her she's being unreasonable, but now she is refusing to talk to me, because I quote 'I am a cruel woman who is preventing a grand mother from seeing her grandson and I should be thankful that she is offering the help that she is'.

I am a SAHM, I let all grandparents see kids as much as they want but I don't want him going to hers overnight every single week. I will admit I needed the help to begin with, but I don't anymore. AIBU to put my foot down and say absolutely not or should I just allow it even though I really really don't want to, just to keep the peace?

DH is on is way home from work, managed to get hold of him. He's coming home to see us, then straight round to hers to make it clear to her that we will not be contacting her again. DM is going to come round in the day time for the rest of this week just in case MIL tries to come round. As soon as DC's are in bed I will be having a very large . Thank you all for your support!

Well she's brought it all on herself, there is clearly a reason why her other kids have little to do with her. Nice to hear about a DH immediately sticking up for his wife too, good for him.

Looking into my crystal ball, I foresee that there will miraculously be a health-related drama in the near future.

That’s a good update @Lexi727. Glad your DM and DH are being supportive.

I’d like to believe that that’s an end to it now but if she’s as much of a narc as she sounds, I doubt it sadly. Expect some flying monkeys in the form of family members or her DP and some emotionally blackmailing and manipulative behaviour. Make sure you step back and get DH to sort it from now on!

Op just like pp have said even if she did call ss they would see straight through her.
My own dm tried similar after i moved 30 min away from her. She even tried telling me that ss would give her my dc as she had more rights to them than i did because she is their gm and im just their dm 😂
Ss lady was lovely on the phone and said these types off calls are more common than what you might think.

Wow it is fantastic you have your dh support, and he has your back, I have seen similar scenarios on here where the dh is a wet lettuce and does nothing to support.

@Juells I have a feeling too! Like I said in a previous comment, BIL advised family of plans to move to Australia and 3 days before he was due to go she tried to kill herself to prevent it!

This is horrendous! You poor woman!
She is clearly mentally unstable!!!

Wow she really sets the bar for batshit cray cray relatives.

Sorry you're going through this OP, I know how I felt right after my daughter was born and I can't imagine dealing with this drama on top of that.

@InstagramPork I think she must be! We are sure she must have had some kind of diagnosis as post-suicide attempt there were a few appts with psychiatrists but she refused to ever talk about it. I'm so worried she will try and harm us, she's much bigger than I am and I am genuinely concerned she could be a danger

I would consider reporting her to the police if you fear for the safety of your family.

@lexi727 oh my God
Definitely change your locks!!!

Report to the police.

If nothing else, IF SS get involved (which I’m sure they won’t) you’ll have evidence that you have taken steps against her as a “reporter”

Oh my goodness, lexi, I have read this thread with absolute horror. So glad your DH is doing the right thing and sticking up for you. I really hope there is no further drama, but fear that is unlikely.

It sounds as if she is wholly unfit to look after your son and in fact positively dangerous.

If you can bear it, write out a complete account of what happened today while it is all fresh in your memory, in case she does try social services or even applies for contact. I should emphasise that I think her threats of involving social services are 100% baseless and there is absolutely zero chance of them taking any action, but this might actually be helpful in getting their support in keeping her out of your children's lives.

Bloody hell at your updates OP.

I am shocked you let her anywhere near your DS let alone have him over night given her history.

@GreatDuckCookery we were just trying to give her the benefit of the doubt. I regret it now. She's so unwell

She sounds hideous,

I understand what you mean and hope you can get the best outcome for your family. A few years ago i read a post from a lady on another mommies forum, and she said that her mother wanted more time with her daughter. But she didnt wanted that. So her mother got mad and sued her for grandparents rights. And she won, on a basis that before that her granddaughter was staying 2 a month and it would be traumatic for a kid to change that and that they have bow trally strong bond

@Unsuitablelake oh god, that's worrying? Surely that can't happen in my case? Oh no I'm really worried now

@lexi727 Dont worry as ling as she doesnt know about those grandparents rights. The thing is i don't understand how can any judge decide in parents place about who should see their child. Its just unfair. i rember she wrote that they had to go to mediation to compromise how many days in a month her daughter should stay in her granmas house and set up visitations. I will try to find that post if its still possible as as i said that it was few years ago. And i was soooo maad about that, felt so sorry

I wouldn't worry too much about the grandparents rights as I believe there has to be a longstanding relationship between the child and grandparent, your daughter staying over a total of three times once a week is not the status quo, it was a short arrangement to help you out when your dd was born .

Glad to read you have dh and dm on board and think that NC is definitely the right course of action for your family, as mil sounds dangerous!

Your ds, sorry not you daughter! Autocorrect fail!

I wouldn't worry to much about grandparents' rights to access. It's a 2 stage court process (ie she would need to seek permission from the court to even make an application for access, and then only if they give permission can she name an application) and from what I understand the courts do not often grant such applications. Also, with her history she doesn't sound like a good candidate for access!

NB - I'm a lawyer but not a family lawyer so take this with a pinch of salt, although I am fairly confident about the above.

Grandparents rights are designed to be triggered in the event of a divorce to prevent the children of divorced parents losing a significant, ongoing relationship. This does not describe your situation and an arrangement of three weeks standing is brief to put it mildly. It is also almost impossible to enforce because no one is going to put a parent in prison for this reason. Triggering a social services report for no reason also suggests all sorts of things about her, none of them good. I don't think you need to worry.