To think this is too much?

[lexi727]

Have always had a slightly strained relationship with MIL - she found it really hard to cut the apron strings when DH and I moved in together but we have managed to get along without incident.

DH and I have DS 2 and DD 6 weeks. For the first three weeks after DD was born MIL would take DS for one day and night a week just to give me a chance to have a rest as I had had a very hard delivery and DD is not sleeping at all. I am managing to cope better now, so have thanked her very much for their help, given her some flowers and wine etc.

MIL has decided now 'that she's used to having DS to herself once a week' (she had him once a week for 3 weeks) she should be able to carry on doing this for the foreseeable future, and that it's child cruelty to not allow this?!?! My DM thinks she's insane and is happy just nipping round once or twice a week to see her DGC, which I think MIL should be happy with too.

DH has told her she's being unreasonable, but now she is refusing to talk to me, because I quote 'I am a cruel woman who is preventing a grand mother from seeing her grandson and I should be thankful that she is offering the help that she is'.

I am a SAHM, I let all grandparents see kids as much as they want but I don't want him going to hers overnight every single week. I will admit I needed the help to begin with, but I don't anymore. AIBU to put my foot down and say absolutely not or should I just allow it even though I really really don't want to, just to keep the peace?

Ps my MIL favouritism started the same way and hasn't been pretty. Totally get where you are coming from!

She needs locked up imo!!
Ss would laugh at her if that's the best she can do, hope you get to speak to your dh while you are so upset so he can know exactly how she has made you feel.
No way should you allow her to visit unless dh is home.
If at all!
Block her number now op. Dealing with her isn't your job.

Or a virtual

It's not her request that is the issue here but the way she has behaved when you said no. She has called you names. She has stopped talking to you. She has got your DH involved which is arguably quite unkind (I don't know about yours but my DH gets very upset when people say unkind things about me, more so when it is his own mother). She has essentially thrown a tantrum. If you give in this time she will do this ever time and her requests will likely get unreasonable as she realises that she can get away with it. Don't make a rid for your own back. She has made it quite impossible for you to say yes now, surely you can see that?

She is fucking batshit. If she calls SS, they will know she is batshit. You need to stop contact with her immediately now though. Also no contact at all with DC. You need to protect your DC from this nasty disgusting woman. Does she have a key? Change the locks, if she does. Don't answer any phonecalls or text messages from her. Get in touch with DH ASAP and let him deal with her but under no circumstances are you to allow her near DS at all. It would not be safe for him to be around her at all.

I suffered with PND after birth of DS but have been doing really well with DD and now I'm so terrified that all SS are going to see is that I used to have PND so I'm not a fit mother.

I'm an anxious wreck, can't stop shaking. I would be the first to hold my hands up if I thought I had done something wrong but all I want is to wait until DS is a bit older until he starts having regular sleepovers :(

OP, take deep breaths, nothing will happen, social services aren't stupid.

But it has now become impossible to let her have DS on her own, so no monthly overnight stay, and no day alone with MIL. If your DH wants to, he can supervise DS visits st MIL's house.

@coconutpie she has a key but I've put my key in the door so she can't get in (hopefully). Should I arrange for locksmith without consulting DH or mention it to him first? Probably won't be able to get hold of him til around 4pm earliest. He's not her biggest fan and I'm sure this will be the icing on the cake for him. I'm just concerned and anxious, what if she takes DS somehow?!?! Do I sound pathetic and silly? Am I overthinking it?

Ok, BREATHE.

SS will not take any action against you because you’ve had PND in the past.
SS will not take any action against you because your batshit MIL has called them. They’ll see straight through her.
IF she does call them and I bet she won’t, at the very most they might pop round, you’ll tell them your side of the story, they’ll see everything is fine and leave.

You need to get hold of your DH and tell him what’s happened. If he could come home that would be good too.
You need HIM to deal with his mother.
No more contact with her from you or DS.
She is not to come to the house any more and block her number/SM accounts.

OP, you are not an unfit mother. Your MIL is a psychotic nasty piece of work. You are under no obligation to let your DC away from you overnight - none!! My DC (older then yours) have never had an overnight away from me because I just don't want sleepovers.

She verbally abused you in your own home while your babies were in the house. That is not acceptable at all. You could call the non-emergency police number since she threatened to have SS take your children away from you for no reason. Get a barring order against her.

Re the key - I would defo get the locks changed ASAP. Either arrange yourself or get DH to arrange as soon as he gets home. A locksmith would be out very quickly.

OP, you have been verbally attacked in your home by someone you previously trusted, of course you're going to be anxious.

Make a mug of hot sweet tea if the kids are calmer, you will start to calm down.

I would text DH to say you're calling the locksmith and just do it. You need to feel safe xx

Get hold of DH first and then get the locks changed. If she tries to force entry into your home, call the police.

I really think you should try and get hold of DH before 4pm, Inunderstand this could be difficult. Could you take the DCs and go to your DM?

YANBU but my goodness I'd love a parent or parent in law who made that offer? Every week, you say? You sure you don't want them for 2 nights? Ah go on..

If she calls social services, they may come round. They'll check your house isn't littered with beer cans and that your kids have beds and they'll leave and you'll never hear from them again.

The same as your mother-in-law will never hear from you again.

I'm sorry that you're dealing with this. But I think it's very, very clear she is not a safe person for your kids to have any further contact with.

Thank you everyone. I was worried I was being a bit hysterical. I will contact a locksmith shortly, My DM is on her way over as we speak.

I don't want anything more to do with her anymore, and she will not be seeing my DC again - supervised or unsupervised. I've rolled over for far too long when it comes to her and I'm not doing it anymore

Well she's burned her bridges now with ever getting alone time with her GC grandson...

Just beware that she probably deny she ever said that to you if DH asks and try to allude to you being ill again.

This is escalating very quickly OP.
Has she always been like this? I'm guessing not as you wouldn't have let her have your DS when the baby was born.

Have you seen this side of her before?

What an absolute fool she is. She has a welcoming DIL who facilitates regular contact with GC, a beautiful new baby GC to have cuddles with too, and she would rather burn her bridges like that because she can't get her own way. In your shoes I wouldn't be seeing her again and not would my kids. I hope you manage to get in touch with your DH soon, it sounds like he's got the measure of her so should be supportive.

'I am a cruel woman who is preventing a grand mother from seeing her grandson and I should be thankful that she is offering the help that she is'.

she has literally no interest in DD at all! The other day my DM asked her if she was happy she now had a granddaughter and she said 'nothing could ever compare to 'her' DGS

There's your answer then. Are you seriously going to hand your child over to someone who talks to you or about you like that? I'd say this thread is finished with advice, I'd have a pretty poor view of a DiL who put up with that shit. Keep your DCs away from her. WTAF is your husband doing and saying?!

Stay calm OP. She is one woman. If SS did come (and I doubt she will actually call them), they will see a good mother with 2 children.

Your DHs reaction to this is going to tell you all you need to know - although after her lack of interest in your dd and the horrible way she's treated you before today, he should have stopped this long ago.
Absolutely stand your ground and cut her out - you are the protection between your DC and this woman. Look at what she's done to her own children, having most of them low contact with her. That's because she damaged them, and you need to stop that happening to your dcs.

@GreatDuckCookery she's always been...difficult. She's very low contact with her other children but her and DH had maintained a decent relationship. When planning our wedding she got very upset that we weren't inviting about 50 of her side of the family that we never see. She then denounced DH as her son because of this, but about 2 months later came grovelling back and DH forgave her. Even the small things she has a massive overreaction to, for example for about 3 months she refused to visit us in our new house as she didn't like the road...

When DS was born there was a massive improvement, we had a few tiffs about parenting but I generally just let her get on with it to avoid her kicking off. The real, proper craziness started 3 weeks ago when we said thanks for the help but we don't need you to take DS overnight anymore. She turned up at 10pm last week demanding to see him. We've been giving her the benefit of the doubt so far but I think this has gone too far now

Bloody hell in the time I took to type my post this happened?! Change the locks and never see her again, there is no coming back from that.

What time will your DH be home?

Her explanation as to why she thinks it's child cruelty would determine my further actions.

I'd say if you can afford locksmith do it now, it draws a line. Thank god your mum can come over you must be in shock

@Elephant14 DH is firmly on my side, doesn't want DS going over to hers overnight. He's told her a few times she's BU but we have both been giving her the benefit of the doubt. I imagine he will go NC with her now but haven't been able to get in contact with him since she shouted at me as he is in a meeting at work