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Original poster

Mum at school making me feel crap!

521 replies

VillianInaDress · 16/09/2018 13:55

Hello everyone. I want to start by saying I'm not a nutter but I am very confused about this mum at school and how she makes me feel. I live in a very affluent and pretty village in Derbyshire. DS1 and DS2 go to the local school which is a wonderful place DH has a great job and I run my own little business from home so I am very happy in general. Since school started, there is this mum, and I had heard about her previously but not really seen her. I only saw her this last week or two and I am going to sound so pathetic here but, she makes me feel like crap. Every single time I've seen her since school has started again I've just stared and felt like a right frump in comparison. I thought she was about 25 found out on Friday that she's nearer 40. She doesn't dress inappropriately but her legs and bottom look amazing in just a pair of leggings! WTF? She wears heels every single day, every day! And I've seen her run into the playground wearing these heels!!! Shas 3 kids, one has just started reception and from what I know she is divorced.
She makes everything look so easy. Her kids always look immaculate with best hair and clothes. Oh and packed lunches for all 3 and my DS has told me that she puts notes on little napkins for them and sometimes they even bring in homemade goodies rather then the soggy cheese sandwiches I give to my kids. I've been told she is doing a degree in law AND she's a freakin school governor and she just looks gorgeous every single day!!!! How? And why am I feeling like this?
Most of the other mums say nasty things about her because apparently she's not very friendly and even I see she just brings her 3 DDs and then leaves without talking to anyone. But my DS is friendly with her oldest DD and from what he tells me her DD is really kind and not like other typical 10 /11 year old girls so this mum must be doing something right?
I want to say hello to her because maybe she's lonely? Or maybe I am? To make it worse, DH knew exactly who I was talking about when I mentioned her to hin and he said all the dads at school drool over her which made me wonder if he does too? I've only had 2 children and I am only 29 but I look older then this other mum who has a good 10 years on me. I am normally not like this, why does this mum make me feel so inadequate? She doesn't come across as stuck up, more just not wanting to get involved but then why does she make such an effort to look so good if she doesn't care what others have to say about her? Why does she affect me this way? I now feel paranoid about letting my husband go to the school in case he sees her and thinks how unattractive and lazy I am compared to her AND the heels!

Help!!!!

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 16/09/2018 15:59

Why are you assuming she gives a shit about what the OP or anyone else thinks about her?

Exactly. It's the op that gives a shit, not this woman.

WorraLiberty · 16/09/2018 16:00

That's the way I see it too Bluntness

Although I don't know why I'm getting involved in this thread, as the 'dream' was a step too far Grin Grin

KERALA1 · 16/09/2018 16:01

Is she the lead character in keeping faith? Her daily wearing of heels both baffled and impressed me.

Mookatron · 16/09/2018 16:04

Assuming this is real, and I really don't think it is, I actually think you need to get some therapy. Allowing someone else's mere existence - no, your view of their existence based on a snapshot once a day - to make you feel so terrible is actually a bit worrying.

raisedbyguineapigs · 16/09/2018 16:05

Maybe she hasn't got the time to hang around at the school gates chatting to a bunch of bitches because you know, instead of spending half an hour a day bitching and gossiping could be better spent baking nice things for her children or studying for her law degree.

Courtney555 · 16/09/2018 16:06

If you read my post, I'm not assuming anything. I've been "that mum" for as long as I can remember and it's no fun. It's intimidating and, actually, we do give a shit.

OP is nothing unique. She won't have registered to this woman specifically, because she's one of many.

Until you've been in that position, you don't know just how refreshing, and how nice it would be, just once, to be met with "hi, how are you, I'm 'Jane', I think our DC are in the same class, would you like to take them for a play date? We can grab a coffee maybe?"

Third, bite the bullet and say hi. If she doesn't want to reciprocate, that's okay. At least you know you tried to be kind. Poor woman has the whole playground staring at her like she is some sort of freak confused. She's got the dad's staring at her like she's a sexual object. Ugh.

Exactly this.

Sorry10 · 16/09/2018 16:09

I'm nearly 40 and always like to dress nice for me couldn't care less what anyone else thinks . Do people dress to get compliments?
I've never been one to want to chat to other mums partly cause I'm too busy and partly cause all they want to talk about is ds dd .
I think it's a confidence thing as you get older you don't care what people think of you. It's a shame you feel that why but suppose everyone feels like that some days this woman probably has days like that too.

Itchytights · 16/09/2018 16:10

Really.

I have not read through the entire thread because I found your post irritating.

You need the concentrate on yourself and your own family without worrying about some random fucking stranger who happens to look attractive.

I find your post shallow and slightly pathetic.

Get a grip and putting it bluntly, get a life.

WorraLiberty · 16/09/2018 16:12

It's intimidating and, actually, we do give a shit.

Courtney this thread is not about you.

I'm not sure why you're taking it upon yourself to speak for a woman who you don't know and who the OP hasn't even so much as said hello to.

SummersB · 16/09/2018 16:16

OMG hun you should write a book about this amazing emotional rollercoaster you’ve been on in the past few hours wrt this woman. Your updates sure read like a novel...

FullOfNothing · 16/09/2018 16:16

The OP said later her husband was teasing her about having dreams about the other woman, probably because he thinks she's taken things way too far in her obsession with this woman and she needs to lighten up.

Donnyduds · 16/09/2018 16:17

Don’t be a hater, make friends she’s probably a lovely person. Get to know her then make up your own mind.

OhTheRoses · 16/09/2018 16:17

Oh come on op. She's on her third child in primary. Done the playground, seen the playground and she's a governor and therefore doesn't want to be involved with goss.

She can wear what she likes. She is entitled to look good. She is entitled to do nice things for her dc.

I was nearly past 40 when dd started reception. I liked looking nice. DH was a governor and v successful. I did a masters when dd was settled in reception. You'd have hated me but I hope you'd have had the good manners to say good morning and be polite. I was in and out of the playground because I had other things to do, like getting to the juniors where I had sound mum friends.

Tinkobell · 16/09/2018 16:21

You ARE ridiculous OP. This woman has a divorce under her belt. Her life will be far from ideal trying to juggle drops with the kids Dad, finances etc. She's doing her best to carve out a new career to support the family. You don't know her back story and my guess she doesn't want a load of school yard mums asking. If you don't like your own arse in leggings start doing squats!

Lillygolightly · 16/09/2018 16:22

Jeez I was this woman once

What people didn’t know is that I was working 2 jobs. I’d set up a business and was working nights to give me a reliable income so I could get the business going.

Typically I’d gotten home at 6am had an hour nap before getting the kids up and plastering myself with make up so I didn’t look a fright. I worked my socks off until it was time to pick up the kids take them home feed/bath/play with them and then I’d sleep again before leaving for work at 8:30.

It was an awful time in my life, you’d not have known it to look at me I was always put together for the outside world but I was practically a walking zombie. I never chatted at the school gates or made mum friends, I essentially got in and got out. I suppose I probably seemed cold and stuck up which is far from the truth but I can see how it looked.

Point being is you just never know what someone goes through maybe she gets up early to do hair and make up, maybe she rolls out of bed with 5 mins to spare and looks fabulous anyway, maybe she’s super confident and doesn’t give a toss or maybe she’s really insecure and looking nice and put together helps her feel better. Who’s knows and you wouldn’t know either unless you knew her.

As I tell my DD’s Forget what other people are doing, you do you.

FlipnTwist · 16/09/2018 16:25

DS has told me that she puts notes on little napkins for them

God mine would be mortified!

Myl0w · 16/09/2018 16:28

I’m an older mum and it is lovely to have that bit more confidence that comes with age where you don’t feel you have to fit in with others. Hated that hierarchy at school and it is liberating to not feel the need to chat.

Plus, if she’s a bit of an introvert she may see it as pointless trying to make an effort with people who aren’t real friends. She knows the ones who are important and it’s her kids and real friends who wouldn’t slate her.

Showpony2 · 16/09/2018 16:28

This post can’t be for real- it’s a wind up!

Otherwise, OP please get a total grip!

Tomatoesrock · 16/09/2018 16:30

Seriously OP I know you can't help your feelings but my god.

It is often the attractive mothers who are sidelined at the school gate. This is why I drop and go at the school, all the judgy MOMMY cliche. She may be naturally slim and organised, it is none of anyones business.

Take some inspiration from her.

Courtney555 · 16/09/2018 16:31

Why should I stick up for someone? Again, wow. In fact why should we speak kindly or support anyone we don't know?

Because I've been in her shoes and trying to explain to those who haven't how it feels like adult bullying.

If it hits home to someone, who recognises a little of themselves in this, and makes them think a little before they continue behaving that way, then good. Maybe it hadn't occurred to them that "the woman" feels horribly intimated and unwelcome.

You're right, this thread isn't about specific me. But it's about someone who has been described identically, by an OP who acts in an identical manner to the behaviour I have experienced.

Also, there's a possibility that she doesn't give a shit. But given that it's almost word for word identical to my person and my experience, I can highly say that she does.

It's a horrible way that they make you feel. If you saw me (before I stopped getting out of the car), I'd walk across the playground with confidence and a smile. It's the only way you can when you have DS next to you and you are trying your best not to acknowledge the pairs of eyes burning into you.

OP has an irrational dislike of this woman. Why not try and do something kind instead? If nothing else, neither are in any worse of a situation for it.

Barbie222 · 16/09/2018 16:31

I think you need a bit more to think about in life.

Rach182 · 16/09/2018 16:33

@Courtney555 thanks I think your posts have been really insightful and hopefully OP will read them. It's better to be kind anyway so not sure why people would discourage OP from talking to the other mum, particularly in circumstances where their children are friends. My child isn't school age yet but from how people seem to attack other posters on here, I can imagine that the real playground at the school gates lies with the mums. It's pathetic.

Also don't understand why people are attacking OP's later posts. She admitted she was wrong and took other people's comments into consideration. That is more gracious and mature than others who seem to want to hold her to her original opinion.

Ellapaella · 16/09/2018 16:34

Sounds like you have a crush on this woman OP.

Notquiteagandt · 16/09/2018 16:34

😂😂😂😂 legging and heels...oh dear!

The woman who has it all....apart from any kind of dress sense it would appear.

Honnestly this woman sounds nice. Nothing certainly worthy of the frankly rather on pedestal you have put her on.

No wonder she never stops none of you sound particulary friendly tbh.

Belindabauer · 16/09/2018 16:35

There was a mum like this at play group.
She had 2 per school children. Her hair was always immaculate, never any dark roots showing and it always looked freshly washed and blow dried.
Her clothing always matched, she was slim with a flat stomach, always wore "natural looking" make up.
I knew her sister in law and she never looked disheaveled.
I went to her house once and that was immaculate too, even with 2 toddlers!

Coincidently I was in the area where she lives recently and saw her, she looked fantastic.
What's more she is still with the same man that she had met at school and she is almost 50!
I remember all those years ago thinking how does she do it?

She is also a very nice person and spoke to me straight away when I bumped into her.