Mum at school making me feel crap!

[VillianInaDress]

Hello everyone. I want to start by saying I'm not a nutter but I am very confused about this mum at school and how she makes me feel. I live in a very affluent and pretty village in Derbyshire. DS1 and DS2 go to the local school which is a wonderful place DH has a great job and I run my own little business from home so I am very happy in general. Since school started, there is this mum, and I had heard about her previously but not really seen her. I only saw her this last week or two and I am going to sound so pathetic here but, she makes me feel like crap. Every single time I've seen her since school has started again I've just stared and felt like a right frump in comparison. I thought she was about 25 found out on Friday that she's nearer 40. She doesn't dress inappropriately but her legs and bottom look amazing in just a pair of leggings! WTF? She wears heels every single day, every day! And I've seen her run into the playground wearing these heels!!! Shas 3 kids, one has just started reception and from what I know she is divorced.
She makes everything look so easy. Her kids always look immaculate with best hair and clothes. Oh and packed lunches for all 3 and my DS has told me that she puts notes on little napkins for them and sometimes they even bring in homemade goodies rather then the soggy cheese sandwiches I give to my kids. I've been told she is doing a degree in law AND she's a freakin school governor and she just looks gorgeous every single day!!!! How? And why am I feeling like this?
Most of the other mums say nasty things about her because apparently she's not very friendly and even I see she just brings her 3 DDs and then leaves without talking to anyone. But my DS is friendly with her oldest DD and from what he tells me her DD is really kind and not like other typical 10 /11 year old girls so this mum must be doing something right?
I want to say hello to her because maybe she's lonely? Or maybe I am? To make it worse, DH knew exactly who I was talking about when I mentioned her to hin and he said all the dads at school drool over her which made me wonder if he does too? I've only had 2 children and I am only 29 but I look older then this other mum who has a good 10 years on me. I am normally not like this, why does this mum make me feel so inadequate? She doesn't come across as stuck up, more just not wanting to get involved but then why does she make such an effort to look so good if she doesn't care what others have to say about her? Why does she affect me this way? I now feel paranoid about letting my husband go to the school in case he sees her and thinks how unattractive and lazy I am compared to her AND the heels!

Help!!!!

It's easy to be influenced by others trajectories, but now you have seen the light, follow your own. Why not go up to her next time you see her and tell her about how her daughter has helped your son, and how you wanted her to know how much you appreciate it. It's always so mice when someone tells you something nice about your child. Introduce yourself. I love making friends with people I admire. I feel like they drag me up!! She might become a good friend and be the piece of the jigsaw that you are missing at the mo. X

Throw a handsome new GP into the mix and there we go

Try to keep up ~ she's already got a sexy 6-foot tall DH

I can't decide who's going to play him, though. Casting suggestions, anyone?

WTF!!??!!??! DH has just told me he's had dreams about her. WTF???

OK, I was suckered in.

oh and

Stop talking about me I'm blushing ☺️😂

Could you try and get to know her? If her dd is kind chances are she's really nice. Sounds like she has a good work ethic too- she probably works hard 24/7 to keep all her shit together. Yet people complain because they're unable to keep up. Envy is very ugly.

I bet she would be happy to share tips

Sorry you feel like you do but what is she doing wrong? Nothing. It's all the things inside yourself that are making you feel like this, focus on improving yourself rather than thinking about her

I made friends with other school mums cos I like people and like chatting. My self esteem ain't got nowt to with it. What a weird notion.

Ok. I'm that mum.

Not your one, I live nowhere near. But I'm her, and this is exactly why we drop and run at school. I don't even get out of the car anymore.

I used to model, I have a degree in business and finance, I'm 36 but look 26 (and already bore off with the "get over yourself" comments, it's just how it is, and the same bloody attitude from the playground mums)

I recently split with DP and I may as well have group emailed the whole school “your husbands aren't safe, lock them up, sincerely, the one you all think your husband can't be trusted near" if you saw the stony glares I get.

There's no talent in the way I look. Just "lucky sperm" as Tamara Ecclestone once got called, but believe me, it doesn't stop people holding it against you.

There is a talent in how hard I worked to obtain my qualifications, also a chartered accountant, and that's the bit that really seems to annoy, fuck knows why.

I'd love to feel welcomed, just once when I walk in that damn playground. Instead of stares.

You don't know how intimidating it is. No one says hello. Just stares. Looking you up and down. Often in little groups of two or three because they wouldn't have the balls to make eye contact on their own. I'd smile, and you could almost see them begrudge the half smile I'd get back.

I don't have it all together. Jesus I don't. But to look at a it all as a snapshot, it would seem I do.

Whilst I might look all smiles on the outside, being "that mum" is fucking lonely. It's so hard to find genuine friends. They accuse their husbands of fancying you. And often if they seem nice initially, it usually takes one (or two, max) nights out, or a dinner, involving wine, until the subtle, but always the same, comments start. It doesn't matter what I do. I can count on one hand the number of real friends I have.

It's feels like adult bullying. It's that mentality.

OP, go and say hello to this woman. See if she's got ten minutes for a coffee and just show some kindness. I can tell you now, however much she's making you feel inadequate through no fault of her own, imagine every mum in the playground making you feel that way deliberately, and then you'll know what it's like to be her.

Like I said, I won't even get out of the car anymore.

Apologies for the rant. When you've been on the receiving end of this and you see it put in words by the OP like that...

Ooh for casting Im Thinking goerge and Amal clooney,,

Not sure about whod play the op...

OP, you're coming over as a bit mean.

That aside, to the Yogo-goers on the thread, does it really make that much difference? I've been thinking of finding a local class - actually doing it, rather than procrastinating!

One of my best friends was ‘this mum’. Her kids are high achievers, she is tall, slim, elegant and beautiful. She has a very high powered job too.

What the sneerers don’t know about her is that given the opportunity, she’ll never exclude anyone from anything (to the point where intimate meals with close friends become centre of the restaurant on the long table type affairs .

She’s kind, but she’s driven. She loves me and my short fat hairy legs, my little moon face and my bingo wings, as though I were as beautiful as she is. Men gaze at her admiringly wherever we go, but she’s too busy talking to her friends to notice. She’s great!

I’m so glad I didn’t listen to the playground gossip when our kids were in yr5 together- they both went to university yesterday, and our friendship endures.

I made friends with other school mums cos I like people and like chatting. My self esteem ain't got nowt to with it. What a weird notion

Ooh, don't get me wrong, I was just counter balancing rhe notion that if you don't hang around you've low self esteem or anxiety or something.

I didn't hang around so don't know if I'm honest, but to be fair, there's a fair few threads on here from women who fitting in at rhe school gate is of vital import.

Is leggings with heels a thing now?

Is leggings with heels a thing now?

In affluent and pretty Derbyshire villages, it would appear so.

OP, go and say hello to this woman. See if she's got ten minutes for a coffee and just show some kindness.

WTF? Just why?

The OP doesn't really like this woman (it's clear from her digs) and to be honest, it could well put the woman in a cringeworthy, awkward position.

If the OP wants new friends, she's better off looking outside of the school, which let's face it, is her DC's 'territory' anyway.

I used to feel jealous of other women. I was very unhappy in many areas in my life. Back in my early 20s maybe?

Now, in my 30s, I try and focus on myself. Appreciate other women for what they do, what they've achieved etc. It's been very liberating.

Those negative emotions OP will drag you down.

First, focus on yourself. If there's something you're not happy with, try and change it. If you really feel self conscious, workout (get that serotonin pumping!!!), get some clothes you feel nice in, give yourself a manicure or pedicure. Something to make you feel lovely.

Focus on the bits that make you unique.
I look in the mirror now and I try to avoid thinking negatively.
I look at my eyes - the colour of them is quite unique.
My hair long and thick - looks lovely once I've styled it.
I have a nice figure. Nice curves and great legs.
My nails usually look nice and cared for.
Etc.

(If I wanted to I could focus on my negatives btw for those thinking I'm tooting my own horn
I hate my forehead - it's too big.
I hate my stomach - it's much bigger than I'd like it to be
My boobs - too big
My skin - terrible condition sometimes
My hair - unless tamed, looks like I've stick a whole can of volumising mousse in it
Etc.
I don't focus on them.)

Give yourself some self love. Start looking at what you do like about yourself. And it will grow I promise.

Second, be realistic. She may give the appearance of being perfect but you have no idea what she has been through. What she may be going through. She may have anxiety, she may have a controlling husband behind closed doors, she may have had alot of sadness and loss in her life.
She most likely has the same anxieties as you. We all do sometimes.

Third, bite the bullet and say hi. If she doesn't want to reciprocate, that's okay. At least you know you tried to be kind. Poor woman has the whole playground staring at her like she is some sort of freak . She's got the dad's staring at her like she's a sexual object. Ugh.

Those first two points are the most important though. Positivity towards other women, lifting each other up is the way forward. The other way leads to bitterness and disappointment I'm afraid.

Good luck OP

I’m sorry but unless you’re Beyoncé leggings and heels aren’t going to look good. Even if you are a botoxed 40yo who looks 25.

DH has just told me he's had dreams about her

Yeah... of course he did.

@Shockers

That is lovely!! You sound like you've found such a wonderful friendship there. I hope I find one when I get to the playground with my DS. Couple of years to go

The OP doesn't really like this woman (it's clear from her digs) and to be honest, it could well put the woman in a cringeworthy, awkward position

I'd agree with worra here. Why would she ever do this, it just puts the other woman in an awkward position of having to say "sorry, I'm really busy, another time" .

Which let's face it, is going to piss thr op off even more.

OP, go and say hello to this woman. See if she's got ten minutes for a coffee and just show some kindness.

Followed by

WTF? Just why?

The OP doesn't really like this woman (it's clear from her digs) and to be honest, it could well put the woman in a cringeworthy, awkward position.

And this is what is exactly wrong.

OP doesn't dislike the woman. She's never met the bloody woman. She knows nothing unfavourable about her. Because she knows nothing about her at all, other than playground twitters from other such people.

Why should she show her some kindness?

Wow. Just wow.

Excellent post by plinkplink

If this isn't a wind up...

1. You need a hobby. You sound unhinged. What happened to that business you rub?

2. I know someone who seems perfect like this. She has massive anxiety and cannot be left alone in the house.

Why should she show her some kindness?

Do you realise how patronising you sound though?

The woman's just dropping off/picking up her kids. Why are you assuming she gives a shit about what the OP or anyone else thinks about her?

The OP has said she's jealous of this woman and Yes, she has had a couple of digs at her on this thread.

And you think this woman's going to want to go for a cup of coffee with her?

OP I'd walk right past you without talking to you too. Maybe she can sense the craziness.

OP doesn't dislike the woman

Yeah she does, she dislikes the very sight of her and thought of her. It's not rational. But dislike her she does.

Smug? You have no idea what's going on in someone else's world.
I'm naturally slim and until recently had dc who got up ridiculously early, so plenty of time to get myself looking decent before I left the house.
I was a single mum and I can tell you from experience that it's shit in the playground if you have the audacity to be single, attractive and god forbid, particular about your appearance.
Would you prefer single mums to do the school run 5 stone overweight, barefaced and in their slippers? Maybe then all the grotty husbands you know would have nothing to say about us.....