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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Mum at school making me feel crap!

521 replies

VillianInaDress · 16/09/2018 13:55

Hello everyone. I want to start by saying I'm not a nutter but I am very confused about this mum at school and how she makes me feel. I live in a very affluent and pretty village in Derbyshire. DS1 and DS2 go to the local school which is a wonderful place DH has a great job and I run my own little business from home so I am very happy in general. Since school started, there is this mum, and I had heard about her previously but not really seen her. I only saw her this last week or two and I am going to sound so pathetic here but, she makes me feel like crap. Every single time I've seen her since school has started again I've just stared and felt like a right frump in comparison. I thought she was about 25 found out on Friday that she's nearer 40. She doesn't dress inappropriately but her legs and bottom look amazing in just a pair of leggings! WTF? She wears heels every single day, every day! And I've seen her run into the playground wearing these heels!!! Shas 3 kids, one has just started reception and from what I know she is divorced.
She makes everything look so easy. Her kids always look immaculate with best hair and clothes. Oh and packed lunches for all 3 and my DS has told me that she puts notes on little napkins for them and sometimes they even bring in homemade goodies rather then the soggy cheese sandwiches I give to my kids. I've been told she is doing a degree in law AND she's a freakin school governor and she just looks gorgeous every single day!!!! How? And why am I feeling like this?
Most of the other mums say nasty things about her because apparently she's not very friendly and even I see she just brings her 3 DDs and then leaves without talking to anyone. But my DS is friendly with her oldest DD and from what he tells me her DD is really kind and not like other typical 10 /11 year old girls so this mum must be doing something right?
I want to say hello to her because maybe she's lonely? Or maybe I am? To make it worse, DH knew exactly who I was talking about when I mentioned her to hin and he said all the dads at school drool over her which made me wonder if he does too? I've only had 2 children and I am only 29 but I look older then this other mum who has a good 10 years on me. I am normally not like this, why does this mum make me feel so inadequate? She doesn't come across as stuck up, more just not wanting to get involved but then why does she make such an effort to look so good if she doesn't care what others have to say about her? Why does she affect me this way? I now feel paranoid about letting my husband go to the school in case he sees her and thinks how unattractive and lazy I am compared to her AND the heels!

Help!!!!

OP posts:
delphguelph · 17/09/2018 13:26

Agatha Raisin

Grin
delphguelph · 17/09/2018 13:27

She could actually use her sunglasses as a hairband without them falling down/off as they would do for me.

^^
Because her hair is so thick?

MiniTheMinx · 17/09/2018 13:50

Leave the woman alone, what makes you think she should be your friend? Do you think she wants you to be friendly out of pitty? I can't stand two faced sycophants and people who gossip. You say yourself that you wanted to be accepted, and so you joined in with other making snide comments. Perhaps this woman doesn't need their approval or their acceptance to be happy......good for her.

Original poster
VillianInaDress · 17/09/2018 15:08

I want to feel better about myself and make better decisions. The level of hate that has been levelled at this mum just because of how she looks is truly awful and I have been part of that. I feel like I need to make it better. Any way im at school now so i will start by saying hello.

OP posts:
RickOShay · 17/09/2018 16:25

How did it go Villian?

sunsunsunsunsun · 17/09/2018 19:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Thinkingofausername1 · 17/09/2018 20:02

She sounds like my dh colleague. I was very pissed off when his friend said to him in front of me 'such n such is really fit isn't she'.

I think Men are idiots sometimes and don't understand how one comment can make someone feel so low.

Labradoodliedoodoo · 17/09/2018 20:21

I think this more about you feeling inadequate. What can you do to increase your own body confidence? How can you best dress for yourself? Forget men. Forget her.

EarlyModernParent · 17/09/2018 21:08

Never be the person who just goes along with crap behaviour, OP. Aim higher. Hope things work out.

Nofunkingworriesmate · 17/09/2018 22:10

I hope you have changed details in your OP? If I knew you in real life I would recognise you? You moved from Somerset three years ago and I live in a very affluent and pretty village in Derbyshire. DS1 and DS2 go to the local school DH has a great job and I run my own little business from home
Your descriptions of the other mums is clear and recognisable too....
She wasn't there this morning you say....

Tomatoesrock · 17/09/2018 22:25

Yes you should make better decisions, to mind your own business and stop being a bully with the local cliches. DO not bother saying hello to her, I am shocked you and other insecure women had a level of hate. You all sound ridiculous no matter what your reasons for your insecurities.

WaterOffaDucksCrack · 17/09/2018 23:22

I find it really pathetic how on these types of threads some posters can't wait to find something "wrong" with the woman in question. "Yeah she's pretty but she's probably totally miserable." "She probably only puts effort into her appearance because she's so insecure."
Well some women are attractive and happy and secure! This should be a good thing but it seems some people can't stand the thought of it!

Dahlietta · 18/09/2018 18:45

I don't think most posters who have done that, Water, are doing it to put the woman in question down. I think it's more of a 'don't be ridiculously jealous of someone because you assume they're perfect when you don't know whether that's actually the case'.

EK36 · 18/09/2018 20:38

I think it's good that you're reflecting on your negative behaviour and thoughts towards this woman. I can see that you're going to start being more positive. I hope a new friendship develops between you both. If you have time, watch some Mark bajeskj videos on YouTube. Very interesting stuff on postive energy.

Benandhollysmum · 18/09/2018 20:52

Not everything is as it seems remember that, there’s this lady whose the same as woman you’ve described, absolute glamour babe...beautiful well turned out kids and walked everywhere in high heels, years later it was found that her husband was abusive towards her so to her wearing nice things made her feel good about herself because she wasn’t getting it at home and made to feel like shit.
Sad thing of it all was she had no friends people thought she was stuck up, they were wrong, one of the nicest women ever to be met always chatting away and yes even years later still a glamour babe

Moral of story is never judge book by cover you don’t know what’s going on in her life

PintOfMineralWater · 18/09/2018 21:01

SO so very glad the women (and men, ‘dads down the pub’) I know are not like this. It all sounds toxic.

PintOfMineralWater · 18/09/2018 21:03

“Not everything is as it seems”

But what if it is as it seems - she’s successful and organised and a great mum? What’s wrong with that? Why would you let someone else’s life affect yours to this extent?

Benandhollysmum · 18/09/2018 21:07

Why you letting my comment affect you to an extent? Preach much?

Because nothing is ever what it seems..

Balaboosteh · 18/09/2018 21:12

Blimey. The sisterhood. Alive and kicking with nails sharpened, baying for blood.

Balaboosteh · 18/09/2018 21:14

And to all the people saying her life is probably shit, you sound like you hope that it is so give your heads a wobble. Superficial compassion.

Benandhollysmum · 18/09/2018 21:41

But her life is shit, or made to be shit- by school gate mums gossiping and dirty pervs down the pub...none have bothered to go talk to her, to me that’s shitty..
as stated nobody knows what’s goin on in her life as nobody at the gates have bothered their arse to go talk to her..

The wee notes in the pack lunches are probably pep notes because the other kids have been overhearing what their parents have been saying and making fun of the kids..
Again nobody knows because nobodies bothered to go ask the mum..how shit she must feel everyday walking past folk staring at her and whispering, hence the running..I’d run too if folk were staring at me for no reason.

BlancheM · 18/09/2018 22:00

Just leave her alone. Leave her be, for goodness sake. She's going about her life doing nothing wrong and here you are trying to dream up ways to get close to her like she's some pet. You're fixated on her, have obsessed about her on here and have bitched about her in real life. I hope she can run fast in those heels!

rightknockered · 18/09/2018 22:09

The worst of it is that the school gate will just be the tip of the iceberg. There are neighbours, gossiping women and pervy men living on the same road, walking around the shops, every man she meets thinking he stands a chance if she tries to be friendly, every woman thinking she is responsible and 'slutty' because men are staring, so they all roll their eyes at her...It doesn't start and end at the school gates.
I could list for you:
the new TA at my dd's primary school, rolling her eyes at me, giving me the once over
the sports coach, smirking and leering at me,
my dd's form teacher can not meet my eye, and when he does talk to me is very uncomfortable and shifty, but I prefer this to pervy, at least he tries,
two mums that take photos of me with their phones, they think I haven't noticed,
my daughter's friend's mother - the most painful for me - shaking her head at me, looking me up and down, my dd has noticed, so it is the worst of it all,
the bunch of dads that stand too close to me in the playground,
men working in Tesco stopping to gape at me, I was with my teenage son, he noticed,
the female cashier being unnecessarily rude to me, always are.
This is what makes me life shit
But I don't know any thing else, and while I hate it, and it sometimes leaves me in tears of frustration, there are people with worse shit going on.

sunsunsunsunsun · 18/09/2018 22:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sunflowerr · 18/09/2018 22:45

But her life is shit, or made to be shit

Honest, you sound like you're hoping this is the case. If this woman is a very organised, very beautiful, intelligent, successful and a wonderful, attentive mother then I very much doubt that the bitchy Mums and pervy Dads have much of an effect. Especially when it's probably perfectly clear what the Mums' problem is, jealousy and insecurities. To assume that this is making her life shit is ridiculous, she may even be totally unaware.

I hope she is all she appears to be.