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Original poster

Mum at school making me feel crap!

521 replies

VillianInaDress · 16/09/2018 13:55

Hello everyone. I want to start by saying I'm not a nutter but I am very confused about this mum at school and how she makes me feel. I live in a very affluent and pretty village in Derbyshire. DS1 and DS2 go to the local school which is a wonderful place DH has a great job and I run my own little business from home so I am very happy in general. Since school started, there is this mum, and I had heard about her previously but not really seen her. I only saw her this last week or two and I am going to sound so pathetic here but, she makes me feel like crap. Every single time I've seen her since school has started again I've just stared and felt like a right frump in comparison. I thought she was about 25 found out on Friday that she's nearer 40. She doesn't dress inappropriately but her legs and bottom look amazing in just a pair of leggings! WTF? She wears heels every single day, every day! And I've seen her run into the playground wearing these heels!!! Shas 3 kids, one has just started reception and from what I know she is divorced.
She makes everything look so easy. Her kids always look immaculate with best hair and clothes. Oh and packed lunches for all 3 and my DS has told me that she puts notes on little napkins for them and sometimes they even bring in homemade goodies rather then the soggy cheese sandwiches I give to my kids. I've been told she is doing a degree in law AND she's a freakin school governor and she just looks gorgeous every single day!!!! How? And why am I feeling like this?
Most of the other mums say nasty things about her because apparently she's not very friendly and even I see she just brings her 3 DDs and then leaves without talking to anyone. But my DS is friendly with her oldest DD and from what he tells me her DD is really kind and not like other typical 10 /11 year old girls so this mum must be doing something right?
I want to say hello to her because maybe she's lonely? Or maybe I am? To make it worse, DH knew exactly who I was talking about when I mentioned her to hin and he said all the dads at school drool over her which made me wonder if he does too? I've only had 2 children and I am only 29 but I look older then this other mum who has a good 10 years on me. I am normally not like this, why does this mum make me feel so inadequate? She doesn't come across as stuck up, more just not wanting to get involved but then why does she make such an effort to look so good if she doesn't care what others have to say about her? Why does she affect me this way? I now feel paranoid about letting my husband go to the school in case he sees her and thinks how unattractive and lazy I am compared to her AND the heels!

Help!!!!

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 16/09/2018 19:23

Why would you be concerned why? That's very odd.

I'm sure it's because she thinks looks great and likes it.

Ansumpasty · 16/09/2018 19:31

Bluntness

Because it sounds pretty hideous and it’s not 2015?

rightknockered · 16/09/2018 19:37

I love myself I do
Don't give a shit. I have nice hair and a good body, pretty face, intelligence and I'm hilariously witty. And I know I am.
I love this mum that has it all together. I'd be mates with her and join the hot single mums club. But I bet she doesn't need me. Hope she's sneering inwardly at the lot of you

itdoesntmatterwhereimfrom · 16/09/2018 19:38

Rightknockered....

Are you my twin?

AynRandTheObjectivist · 16/09/2018 19:40

I’d be concerned why she’s wearing heels with leggings, to be honest.

What? Why on earth would you be concerned by someone wearing heels with leggings?

user9876 · 16/09/2018 19:44

I've worked with women like this before. Very judgmental about people they know nothing about. It's also not hard to tell if people don't like you, you will be giving off vibes and that's why she probably doesn't talk to you and the other mums.

rightknockered · 16/09/2018 19:44

Heels with leggings are on their way back and popular with students. As well as cycling shorts with heels. She seems to know more about fashion than most on here

AynRandTheObjectivist · 16/09/2018 19:44

I think some people would prefer to think she has crippling anxiety, cries her self to sleep at night, has terrible low esteem. Rather than think she's actually attractive, has her shit together, and isn't interested in the other school mums and their petty jealousies and squabbles.

I think you have nailed it.

I cannot fathom - truly can't understand - getting this worked up because you see an attractive, well-put-together person a couple of times a day. If I did this every time I saw someone who looked better and was more organised than I am, a demographic that grows daily, I'd give myself an aneurysm by 10am.

She might indeed be in fact truly miserable and crippled with low self esteem and whatnot, but there's absolutely nothing to suggest it from what OP has told us. And why on earth would people want to think that she is?

I don't get it. MN isn't a nest of vipers, it's a box of frogs. You guys are bloody insane.

Lana1234 · 16/09/2018 19:47

Don’t know if you’ll come back OP but hopefully (if this is real) you’ve taken what pp have said on board and can work on yourself instead of disliking this woman (who sounds a bit fab imo) and be a happier you.

feathermucker · 16/09/2018 19:53

She's not making you feel crap; you are making yourself feel crap. To be honest, you're coming across as jealous and insecure.

Don't compare yourself to her. Learn to feel comfortable in your own skin.

Stop obsessing about her.

Bluntness100 · 16/09/2018 20:08

Because it sounds pretty hideous and it’s not 2015?

Oh right, so you'd be concerned about her sense of fashion.

Righto Confused

PlinkPlink · 16/09/2018 20:08

@AynRandTheObjectivist

Box of frogs 😂😂😂😂

That made me laugh. Makes MN sound all soft and squishy 😂😂

1981m · 16/09/2018 20:17

I felt like this a little bit at the beginning of the year. Not with a particular school mum but there are a lot of mums at ds's school who made me feel a bit inadequate. They are slim, sporty, well dressed, groomed and very intelligent. I let myself go a little after dd and hadn't lost my baby weight even though she was 2 when he started.

I didn't get obsessed or jealous of it. I used it to up my own game. I began going to the gym, lost weight, got fit (although still not a patch on some of them) get up earlier to do hair and make up and dress more carefully.

tillytrotter1 · 16/09/2018 20:22

I’d be concerned why she’s wearing heels with leggings, to be honest

My thought too, and in a Derbyshire village, totally naff.

Livedandlearned2 · 16/09/2018 20:23

Sometimes I really don't understand the way some women are! I've had women look me up and down in that way that oozes disdain, bitchiness and unpleasantness. All because, I assume, I have something they think they don't have.

I'm not especially attractive, I am slim, I have a very physical job and that keeps me in shape. If the women who gabe these looks actually got to know me, they would discover I have low self esteem, try to always be kind, I'm a loyal friend, I'm not interested in other people's husbands, I have a lovely one myself. Honestly, the vibes I've felt from some people are awful.

What a sad way to live, judging a book by it's cover and projecting insecurity onto others.

Scientistic · 16/09/2018 20:35

I've got a friend who is always immaculate. Kids are lovely, she is a nice human, she just has it together. It is possible. I am not on the other hand, but am ok with that and am what I am! As are you, OP.

My first thought was actually that you might have a crush on the lady yourself to be honest.

AynRandTheObjectivist · 16/09/2018 20:40

Has anyone in this narrative been deemed "common" yet? Maybe not, given that it's a very affluent and pretty Derbyshire village. I see that one person has judged that this would be an unsuitable place for normal everyday clothing of the kind one sees every day. Perhaps things are naff when they are too affluent and pretty to be common? And the other one who becomes concerned whenever she sees an outfit like this, meaning she must spend her entire life in a state of near paroxysmal vexation.

Ah, down the rabbit hole with me. We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.

sunsunsunsunsun · 16/09/2018 20:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bluntness100 · 16/09/2018 21:06

Yeah, i can't imagine being so shallow as to be concerned about other woman's fashion choices, especially women I don't know.

Maybe those posters can hook up with the op, and they can show this woman how to dress.

In fact they can show us all and post some pics of themselves. I'd sure we'd learn a thing or two...

Shockers · 16/09/2018 21:21

Nowt wrong with leggings and heels! Wink

Mum at school making me feel crap!
chillpizza · 16/09/2018 21:43

Well now to cross names off the invite list.

Women are so bitchy about women who appear to have more than them.

Ansumpasty · 16/09/2018 21:45

And the other one who becomes concerned whenever she sees an outfit like this, meaning she must spend her entire life in a state of near paroxysmal vexation.

Hilarious! And the type of person who goes on mumsnet and writes things like ‘state of near paroxysmal vexation.’

A truer reality would be, ‘type of person who goes for a quick poo and opens mumsnet and reads a post on her phome, makes a little joke, but in reality couldn’t give a shart about anything to do with said post, least of all someone’s leggings (or Mumsnet, to be honest, but it really is a good tool for boredom and a little escapism while you poo).’ Better?

SlowlyShrinking · 16/09/2018 21:51

I’m in my early 40s and quite fat with an arse that looks shit in leggings, but when I pick my kid up I don’t use the time I’m waiting to compare myself to other women. I recommend it 👌🏽

bumblecream · 16/09/2018 22:06

This thread really shows the worst in human nature doesn’t it.
Op I think you need to get some self respect.
Worrying like this about a random pretty woman who’s dc attend your school is absolutely ridiculous bordering on insane.
Tell your dh to put his tongue away.

If she makes you feel uncomfortable there are obviously things you are unhappy about. So change them.
None of us are perfect, there are many things I will never be. But I think I probably make the best of myself according to my budget and I hold my head up high.

It sounds to me as though you and the other mums at school are massively insecure and just because she looks like she’s got it together, with interesting pursuits like her law degree, and no time to chat, you just don’t like it.

Once again, pick out what you aren’t happy about, and make a plan to change it. Whether it’s appearance, hobbies or job.

As for some other posters claiming that they constantly get a hard time for being attractive, please also get a grip.
I’ve never once hated another woman for being beautiful.
I’ve hated a few for being stuck up and unpleasant however.
So that is more likely the issue if you are so quick to go around claiming how beautiful you are. You are just up yourself.

All the truly beautiful women I have known (I mean truly beautiful not made up plastics) have been oblivious to it. So you probably aren’t as beautiful as you think.

Bluntness100 · 16/09/2018 22:11

Jeez, bumblecream, you started off well there and the descended into s venomous bitch fest. 😱

I'm sure you can see the irony of saying this thread brought out the worst of human nature, when you read your own words back, they aren't possibly the worst posted.