Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Mum at school making me feel crap!

521 replies

VillianInaDress · 16/09/2018 13:55

Hello everyone. I want to start by saying I'm not a nutter but I am very confused about this mum at school and how she makes me feel. I live in a very affluent and pretty village in Derbyshire. DS1 and DS2 go to the local school which is a wonderful place DH has a great job and I run my own little business from home so I am very happy in general. Since school started, there is this mum, and I had heard about her previously but not really seen her. I only saw her this last week or two and I am going to sound so pathetic here but, she makes me feel like crap. Every single time I've seen her since school has started again I've just stared and felt like a right frump in comparison. I thought she was about 25 found out on Friday that she's nearer 40. She doesn't dress inappropriately but her legs and bottom look amazing in just a pair of leggings! WTF? She wears heels every single day, every day! And I've seen her run into the playground wearing these heels!!! Shas 3 kids, one has just started reception and from what I know she is divorced.
She makes everything look so easy. Her kids always look immaculate with best hair and clothes. Oh and packed lunches for all 3 and my DS has told me that she puts notes on little napkins for them and sometimes they even bring in homemade goodies rather then the soggy cheese sandwiches I give to my kids. I've been told she is doing a degree in law AND she's a freakin school governor and she just looks gorgeous every single day!!!! How? And why am I feeling like this?
Most of the other mums say nasty things about her because apparently she's not very friendly and even I see she just brings her 3 DDs and then leaves without talking to anyone. But my DS is friendly with her oldest DD and from what he tells me her DD is really kind and not like other typical 10 /11 year old girls so this mum must be doing something right?
I want to say hello to her because maybe she's lonely? Or maybe I am? To make it worse, DH knew exactly who I was talking about when I mentioned her to hin and he said all the dads at school drool over her which made me wonder if he does too? I've only had 2 children and I am only 29 but I look older then this other mum who has a good 10 years on me. I am normally not like this, why does this mum make me feel so inadequate? She doesn't come across as stuck up, more just not wanting to get involved but then why does she make such an effort to look so good if she doesn't care what others have to say about her? Why does she affect me this way? I now feel paranoid about letting my husband go to the school in case he sees her and thinks how unattractive and lazy I am compared to her AND the heels!

Help!!!!

OP posts:
rightknockered · 16/09/2018 17:14

I feel lonely and would love some friendly chat

thewayoftheplatypus · 16/09/2018 17:15

I’ve just washed my hair AND waxed my moustache- I hope I don’t make too many other school mums jealous in the morning!

This all just sounds ridiculous - you seem so fixated on the way this woman looks it probably never occurred to you that she’s just another normal person whose day youre probably ruining with your staring and gossip

karyatide · 16/09/2018 17:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LetsGoBitches · 16/09/2018 17:19

Well, if she’s divorced, maybe the dad has the kids for every second week so she has time to get to the gym.

I’ve often observed that when there’s an equal share of the parenting, women often come into their own post divorce (if there was no abuse) as they have only half the mental load and they’ve got rid of the man child who was the problem.

FWIW, people divorce for a reason. Maybe she’s a secret toenail biter or has appalling table manners

Firsttimemum892 · 16/09/2018 17:22

“Some people really do sail through life” you really have no idea about this woman’s life and her feelings , yes she looks great and takes extra care of her children. How do you know she doesn’t hammer the gym because she’s anxious and that’s the only way she deals with ? Or she is actually depressed hence why she leaves and avoids small talk. op you and I are the same age and I can’t imagine feeling about this about a woman I didn’t know. Some people make an effort with their appearance because they are actually insecure rather than vain.

MamaBear2181 · 16/09/2018 17:24

OP read your original post again (and subsequent posts) and ask yourself if it’s really any wonder she doesn’t ‘make an effort’ with any of you on the playground/school gates? The answer to that is staring you right in the face.

I half hope she’s that chick who was here a little while ago asking how do you look ‘polished’ and she’s fucking nailed it 😂

On a serious note though, whoever she is sounds like she’s got her shit together, isn’t arsed about small town minds or fitting in and bloody good for her. I wish more women were like that and I wish we were more of the mindset to lift each other up instead of behaving like the OP.

LyndorCake · 16/09/2018 17:24

I wear heels every day... I like wearing them and I'm short so it brings me up to almost average height. Doesn't require much effort to wear them tbh, hardly makes me a try hard.

Also some people are just naturally beautiful and slim? I'm not one of these people but they do exist!

Courtney555 · 16/09/2018 17:25

@rightknockered how could you sympathise with that mum, or say that you've been through the same and know how she feels. This thread is not about you Hmm

I'm "that mum" too, and have repeated what you said, it's a horrible position to be in. Amazing how lonely a bunch of strangers can make you feel when you get the judgy silent stares. Every day. Twice. 5 days a week.

Pm me if you like? I don't know how to do that on here. If we don't live far from each other, would be lovely to chat or even go for coffee, god forbid Wink

Firsttimemum892 · 16/09/2018 17:25

Reminds me slightly of when I started going to a baby group I am one of those women who doesn’t leave the house without make up beacause of my own insecurities and the fact I haven’t slept in 6 months , some of the mums said to me “none of us really wear make up or get dressed up for the group as we are too busy getting baby ready” was really passive aggressive and a reflection of their insecurities , if she makes you feel shit maybe look at yourself and change some things

Rabblemum · 16/09/2018 17:33

This woman may just love looking good for herself, and why shouldn’t she. Live your own dreams, look on Printest for your own style and so a little cheap shopping on line.

I feel a bit sorry for this woman, she does something well so of course other bored women are jealous.

Remember you only know what the outside looks like, she may be a mess inside.

Up your game, also go on a course, voleenteer or so more at work, then you won’t have time to get jealous over perfect buts.

Bluntness100 · 16/09/2018 17:36

Some people make an effort with their appearance because they are actually insecure rather than vain

I go to the gym most days, I make an effort with my appearance. It's total vanity, happy to say.

And it's that same vanity that stops me laying on the sofa eating donuts that keeps me fit and healthy.

Vanity can be a very positive thing when it's only about you, more people should have some. There is no prize in being waynetta slob.

Sparklyfee · 16/09/2018 17:39

Leggings and heels? Hmm

labazs · 16/09/2018 17:40

underneath she is probably insecure wants to be the best mum she can is probably like a duck serene on top and paddling like crazy underneath she might be cripplingly shy and go home crying herself to sleep i always feel inadequate in front of people like that but im me and lots of folk like me so meh i can only be what i am

Karigan198 · 16/09/2018 17:41

Just go up to the woman and speak to her. People often think woman like that who have their shit together are unfriendly or unapproachable but usually it’s their insecurities speaking rather than a true reflection on her.

As to how and why. She does it for herself.

Bluntness100 · 16/09/2018 17:55

Just for you op, the leggings and heels song,,,😁

m.youtube.com/watch?v=vRzCiPvpRqs

Marie0 · 16/09/2018 17:57

righknockers - that's me too :)

I just want to add I'm 45 and have a great bum and set of legs.

Although I haven't worn leggings and heels on school run yet he he

Bubblemumma1 · 16/09/2018 18:12

Oh this is so sad. That woman knows the other mums are huddled together talking about her.
I’ve always disliked women who assume other women dress a certain way/put on make up etc for other women/men and then mock them for it.

Coyoacan · 16/09/2018 18:18

It's not fair really is it. Some people really do just sail through life

You mean her studies, attention to her appearance and her children are none of her responsability, just good luck?

You at least give this lady credited for what she does.

raisedbyguineapigs · 16/09/2018 18:44

Just because she puts makeup on doesn't mean shes insecure. She probably just likes it. I'm much more secure in my 40's than I was in my 30's. She's a very experienced mum and is experienced at the school gates. If she has a hot man too, she is probably unlikely to throw him over and her freedom for OP's husband or his disgusting friends.

itdoesntmatterwhereimfrom · 16/09/2018 18:57

*Labasz
*
underneath she is probably insecure wants to be the best mum she can is probably like a duck serene on top and paddling like crazy underneath she might be cripplingly shy and go home crying herself to sleep i always feel inadequate in front of people like that but im me and lots of folk like me so meh i can only be what i am

Why can't she just want to look good and pull it off without being insecure??!!

I'm a great mum and I usually feel great in whatever I'm wearing (not leggings and heels) but my own style. I'm not insecure and not responsible if other people feel like they haven't made enough effort!!

itdoesntmatterwhereimfrom · 16/09/2018 19:01

And OP-

It's not her making you feel crap, it's you!

Find your style, what makes you feel good. Make more of an effort, for yourself. Make more of an effort with your kids lunches. And stop judging other people because they are better put together and more organised than you. This is more about your own self esteem- I hope you find the time to work on that. Thanks

Bluntness100 · 16/09/2018 19:05

I think some people would prefer to think she has crippling anxiety, cries her self to sleep at night, has terrible low esteem. Rather than think she's actually attractive, has her shit together, and isn't interested in the other school mums and their petty jealousies and squabbles.

It's like a way to be bitchy, to make them feel better about themselves, but dressing it up as something else.

There is nothing wrong with being attractive, dressing as you please, not being interested in gossiping with the other school mums, doing a law degree, or being a school governor.

Sometimes it's exactly what it says on the tin.

Whyyounoeatmypie · 16/09/2018 19:10

My mum was the good looking single parent with the cute lunchboxes, getting flack for existing. I remember becoming aware of it around age 7 and it was shite.

Nicknamesalltaken · 16/09/2018 19:13

She really isn’t the problem here.

Especially those men who are treating her as a benchmark and consider their partners inadequate. Jeez. That’s not her fault.

It’s no wonder she drops and runs. It all sounds horrid in your playground.

Ansumpasty · 16/09/2018 19:21

I’d be concerned why she’s wearing heels with leggings, to be honest

Swipe left for the next trending thread