aibu to think that they had this planned?

[Buffy81]

Hi. I am afraid that this is aDM/DF in law one.

We have just been on holiday for a week and there was 6 of us in total: Me, DH, DS, DB, DM, DF.

On Saturday we went away for the week. On the Sunday night, DH received a phone call from his DM to say that they where also in the same place and that they had come today and would we all like to do something while they were there. They were going back on the Wednesday staying some where different.

We were all shocked when we had the phone call. It was also her birthday when we were away. Normally DM/DF in law go away for her birthday and this yr they said that they werent going away as they were going away a couple of weeks before.

Out of politeness we agreed to the one day, with me, DM and DB all giving looks to each other to say that we were not to happy about it, but would go along with it to keep the peace. This started to make my DB anxious as he suffers with epilepsy and being out of his comfort zone and in new places can make him feel like that which in turn can bring on a seizure, lucky for him he didn't have one we managed to keep him calm. He cant take meds to often for it due to his epilepsy medication

We booked our holiday some point in may. In mid June, DB in law asked if him and his wife could stay there on the Saturday night due to them going to a gig in London on the Sat night. Her reply to him was was that they were going away on the Sunday for a few nights, but didnt tell them where as DB Wife told me this over fb messenger on the Monday

On the Tuesday when we all went out, I found that I could not relax properly as I might have said something to DM inlaw which in turn she then would have got upset about it as she gets really emotional about things and then we would have had the DF in law having words. By saying something it would have made it a uncomfortable day for everybody

It really felt like they were imposing on our holiday

You were away for a whole week with your family but you’ve got the arse about spending one day with his?

Unless there is a massive backstory (and oh i just bet one’s coming imminently) then yabu

Yes, they probably did but why on earth would you go along with it?
Why not just say 'sorry we have plans made but we will see you when we get back?'

So you and your husband were away with your parents, plus your brother and your sister for a week? Your husbands parents went to the same area and you met for a meal? (Finding the acronyms hard to follow I'm afraid)

What?

It’s possible that they had always intended to go away for her birthday (you say they generally do) and it was a last minute thing going to where you are. A bit cheeky maybe but nothing earth shattering really unless you were backpacking the macchu picchu trail or something. If you were somewhere like whitby for eg though, no big deal, yoi don’t own a resort because you’re on holiday there.

So many DThis, DThat, DTheOther - makes it hard to follow.

Doesn't sound like the absolute end of the world from what I can make out. It's not like they hijacked your honeymoon is it?

I don't get why you and your dh meeting dhs parents for a meal caused your dB so much stress?

Ikr fixing

It all sounds quite odd

Are your family more important somehow?

You got to see your family for a week, you saw your inlaws one day.

Yabu quitte frankly

Have you got you in laws and your own parents all referred to as DM/DF?

I'm afraid I don't really understand your point here.

So your DP had to go away with your family for a week and you cant do a meal with his?
And your family were exchanging looks and madr your DP feel anxious?

You sound mean

Fuck me, seriously? You objected to one day, and you all sat there giving each other looks? What are you, 12?

Sounds like a lot of drama over nothing. You met your in laws one evening when you were away with your family. Honestly, in my opinion, you are overreacting

Yes I’m sure it wasn’t a coincidence they were there the same time you were.
But they haven’t overly encroached - they asked to see you on one day.
Not a big deal, surely? They aren’t acquaintances, they are your husbands parents.
You don’t sound particularly easy going or positive, a different attitude and this really wouldn’t be a problem at all.
And I’m afraid your comments about your brother are silly and am-dram.

Are you all new to MN? Otherwise why is it hard to follow, start off on an easier thread, such as chat, until you get the hang of the acronyms.

OP, was your DH happy to spend his DM's Birthday with her? What would your attitude be if his DM had have asked to spend her Birthday with you all?

They might have had it planned, but it's no big deal, unless there is a backstory.

She wanted to spend her Birthday with Family, your Brother's issues aside, was it really that inconvenient?

You're making this out to be a much bigger deal than it should be. So you unexpectedly joined your in laws for one evening of your holiday. So what?

FWIW, I'm very familiar with epilepsy and for the life of me still can't really make a solid connection that some unexpected company would be detrimental to your DB's health. Surely if he was finding the idea of their company so overwhelmingly stressful, he'd just do his own thing for an evening? Perhaps with your parents if they weren't really up for meeting up either.

I'm struggling to follow this story in particular this bit:

We booked our holiday some point in may. In mid June, DB in law asked if him and his wife could stay there on the Saturday night due to them going to a gig in London on the Sat night. Her reply to him was was that they were going away on the Sunday for a few nights, but didnt tell them where as DB Wife told me this over fb messenger on the Monday

Who, what, where, why? and what does this have to do with the rest of the saga?

Why did you all need to meet up with your mother and father in law, why didn't just you and your husband go?

Yes, I'm preparing for the massive drip fed back story too MadameButterface because on the information that I can fathom so far OP is being unreasonable.

I don’t get it...

And I’m not new to MN.

She probably felt bad that her son was going to be away, on holiday, with your family on her birthday so she decided to ''reclaim'' her son on her birthday. She didn't start a fight or anything aggressive but I would say she feels shut out and is trying to squeeze her way back in to the fold.

You are totally out of order. You were away with your entire family and you resent one meal with your mil for her birthday. You say she is the emotional type? That is probably because you seem to favour your own family over your dh's family

I can't really follow the op.

It sounds like you arranged a holiday in May with your parents and your ILs came to the same area and wanted to gate crash for the day? Going against the grain I think that is very odd. I would not have met up but would have arranged a dinner out for MILs bday when I got back.

I'm not new to MN but I need a TL:DR version in order to understand it!

Sorry, cannot follow as DM used for both the OP's mum and her DH's mum. Could the OP or someone re-type it consistently from one viewpoint, so DH's mum is DMIL or something?