OmG the world's most embarrassing thing has just happened.

[churchmouse84]

I would like the floor to swallow me up.

I went to see a friend today and had a brief chat with her husband, also a friend.

We talked about a film and I sent him a text message to say that I was watching it.

My phone screen is broken at the moment and sometimes goes off on a life of its own. I runs away with itself and selects random words.

I apparently have just sent him a text which says 'I want you'

I have apologised profusely but actually can't breathe.

It doesn't sound very believable.

I'm mortified.

thank you all, I am sat here weeping with laughter, proper take your glasses off to wipe your eyes tears.
I am sure I have done loads of these, but the one that still makes me chortle is when my MIL (who is lovely, but quite prim,) commented on the room my BiL and SiL were staying in for their first honeymoon night. She said 'oh it was lovely, but a bit small, they'll be on top of eachother in there' I couldn't contain a huge snort of laughter, she was not impressed

I left my phone on the counter in the builders providers one day. When I got home I rang it from DH’s mobile and asked the guy to hold the phone til I came straight back.
When I got there the whole place were in stitches laughing at me...then I remember that DH is in my mobile as Sex Machine, and they’d all seen it when I called.

I’m crying!

My friend had an awkward one with her teenage kids. She meant to text their names and for them to phone her immediately as plans had changed. What it autocorrected to was: 'Have cancer. Phone me'. Cue traumatized teenagers ringing their mum in tears as she frantically text them back to ignore it. She assured them of course that she would never dream of telling them something like that by text!

After a glass of wine - I can spill some of my better ones.

In my teens and in a club, I hadn't been drinking as I felt a bit off, this guy comes up to me - all swagger & very short and starts to chat me up, I was about to say excuse me & I promptly threw up all over his head 😱. And then all over me. I spent the rest of the night hiding in the toilets, cleaning & drying my clothes.

Oh and the classic, I fell down the stairs at a Christmas works do, my handbag somehow landed at the top of the Christmas tree (massive 12ft tree) - I still haven't lived that one down.

The very worst was our form tutor sent an email saying bloody horrendous mother of xxxx has been badgering me again about the xxx and instead of sending it to the colleague it was intended for she sent it to the mother who was beyond upset!

Mother pulled all four kids out of the school the following week

Mortifying

This thread is hilarious!

Many years ago ex-H and I moved into a new flat. His Dad came down to help us move in. We were having dinner around the table and I was feeling pretty frisky so I put my foot on ex-H’s crotch and have it a good old rub.

He slapped my foot away which I told him off for later and he had no idea what I was talking about.

Yes, I felt up my FIL. I’m only grateful he slapped me away.

OMG the bald man head rest made me laugh out loud 😂😂😂

Oh lord at least I've never felt up my father in law!

I'm only on page 2 but am reminded of the time I slipped my hand into the front trouser pocket of a stranger at the bar. He was gathering his many drinks and I was waiting to order. He'd spilled a drink or two in trying to pick them all up. It was chaos and somehow, there's no sensibile explanation, in my knee jerk atempt to reach out and catch his falling drinks my hand went into his front trouser pocket. I aplogised but thought it was v funny. He did not think it was funny.

@ratherbeshowjumping

I’m in bits reading your post! 😩😂 The tears wont stop! 😂

These are all funny but cabbage cabbage cabbage cabbage just made me do a great loud guffaw.

I haven't got anything to contribute really. I did once email a sarky remark about my manager, TO my manager. And had a bit of a mean conversation with a friend about my bf at the time, which unbeknownst to me was all recorded on our answer machine. He came in and listened to the whole thing before I could delete it. That wasn't embarrassing, I just felt like a total bitch.

A few years ago I was walking up my local high st when I saw my best friend walking about 30 feet ahead of me, going in the same direction. To surprise her I ran up behind her, picked her up and swung her around...only to then realise it wasn't actually her but a total stranger . She took it very well thankfully while I apologised profusely!

This thread is hilarious!

I've told this tale on here before, but I once found myself in a French supermarket with my parents and children.

Because French supermarkets are not to be bound by social convention, in the ladies clothing section, was a mannequin wearing... a crotchless, fishnet bodystocking. Why? I do not know.

DD (4 or 5 at the time) pipes up, in front of my dad 'you've got one of those, Mummy'.

'No, I haven't darling' I stuttered, hurriedly.

'Yes you have, Mummy! You wore it that time with Daddy'.

My poor father just said 'I don't want to know', and walked away.

We later worked out she meant a tight snake print unitard I'd worn as a Halloween costume (crotch fully intact) to a party with DH.

Last summer on holiday in a lovely seaside cottage, beautiful evening, I came up behind DP who was standing in the doorway looking out at the sky, and hugged her with my arms round her shoulders. Then realised it was her identical twin sister. It wasn't just embarrassment, it was sheer horror.

Just so funny. You've brightened my evening. Also reminded why never to message sexy or rants to anyone ever! Although these are more fun...

Ah yes predictive text you have to love it!!! So I was arranging for a vet to visit an establishment and he had emailed with a worry about biosecurity. He had told me that there needed to be a certain chemical for people to scrub wellingtons and other footwear in. I wrote back...or thought I did. "I have managed to find the right chemical at last and your wellie wash is sorted"... BUT predictive told the vet... "I've found the right chemical and your willie wash is sorted"! He replied!!!!.... "I would imagine that will need to be about a metre above the ground for most attendees".....

Still to read full thread. Laughing too much at '‘Any chance of a sneaky fuck at Saturday’s market?' to continue.

I quite often just catch myself/my phone in time to not tell people I know they're busty.

I asked my youth group to come wearing willies next week!!! Wellies does not go well with predictive text.
Needless to say I was on the end of some amusing replies from girls parents

I was on mat-leave, my boss had emailed me in a panic to ask for some figures. DS was weaning, sitting on my lap, in-front of my computer, chewing on something that shed crumbs and other effluvia like a motherfucker.
Shit all over the keyboard.
I sent an email to my boss which should have read:
'And that makes the count 45'.
It actually read - due to a sticky, crumb sodden 'o':
'And that makes the cunt 45".
DS is now 6, and I'm still employed, if that helps?

just write a correction and say sorry predictive text! It happens to me all the time

Has the partner replied....

I’ve had a few messaging blunders...

It was a weekend and I was a carefree teenager wanting to escape a weekend in with my dad. I was grounded as usual. Texted my friend saying ‘my dad is being a total b***d and won’t let me come out’ obviously I sent it to my dad by mistake. I was grounded for a loooooog time.

In more recent times, I’ve managed to reply to my brother-in-laws ‘what you up to?’ message with ‘I’m naked’ once again meant for someone else.

FFS 😂