Taking dc abroad without dad’s consent

[CandiedPeach]

I’m was hoping he’s just stamping his feet a bit and he’d come round. But he’s collected dd today and quite adamantly said he’s not giving his permission for her to go away with me and my bf and that he’ll phone the airport to tell them he doesn’t want me to take her. Can he actually do this?

We’ve already booked a holiday for October half term, it’s my week to have her and it’s not effecting his contact time at all. I’ve taken dd away before no problems and although he’s given his permission I’ve never actually been asked at passport control.
We don’t have anything legal stating contact etc, which having goggled I think if we did I’d be in a better position and able to take her for up to 28 days without his say so. We’ve just sorted things between us though and we both said we were ok with either of us taking her away for a week, more than a week we’d discuss as DD’s still quite young.

I admit I was unreasonable in booking without actually speaking to him and I’ve apologised for that. But I knew he wasn’t having her at all (ironically he’s away with his gf) and we saw a pretty good deal and honestly I was putting off the inevitable foot stamping from him. I did think he’d be ok with it though, other than an initial moan. He seems really quite serious though and says I absolutely shouldn’t have booked something without speaking to him first and court will agree with him on that.

I’m really not sure what to do now! Do I risk just taking her, despite thinking he’s being a idiot I do think I’d feel bad/guilty taking her if he hasn’t said it’s ok. And obviously I might not even be allowed.
Try talking to him again, but I can’t think of what to say and we ended up arguing when he picked dd up which I don’t like because she was obviously here at the time.
See my solicitor, which I’m thinking it’s time we make things official in some way as we seem to be agreeing less and less. But I do feel bad that it’s come to that and will it be too late in regards to going away at half term anyway.

And is it really so unreasonable to take her away with my bf, when he’s taken her with his gf and his gfs children? It’s the bf he’s got issue with, he’d be fine me taking dd alone or with family.

I would arrange to meet your ex somewhere neutral. What justification has he for turning that down?

He probably wouldn’t, but I don’t have anyone to come watch dd.

Tell him no and that you have plans. Tell him it doesn't matter and you're going away in the UK instead so don't need his permission so therefore there's nothing to discuss.

Don't let him pull your strings over everything, he's just trying to control the situation. My ex's tactic was to disrupt my life as much as he could so my now husband would get sick and dump me. Just enjoy your evening with your bloke and speak to a solicitor tomorrow.

If he needs to discuss anything he can do it by phone. He only wants to come around so that you will ask your bf not to stay. He is just being manipulative and is probably hoping to cause problems between you and your bf.

Agree with the others, by asking for your bf not to be there he's trying to control you again. You've already decided that you're going to holiday in the UK, continue with that and don't let him manipulate you. Spend the evening with your BF and enjoy yourselves and your holiday!

I agree he is trying to scupper your relationship. Make it so difficult your boyfriend says I can’t deal with this.
Say you’ll meet him at specified time that suits you. As you are busy.
The fucking cunt

All he is going to say is he doesn’t want his dd to go away wit your boyfriend.

Sorry I thought your bf could babysit?

Thank you, you’re right. He’s just tying to cause trouble, he knows he usually stays Sunday nights and that will be why he’s returned dd early today, he’ll have hoped we had plans that got disrupted. I don’t know why I always think he’s deciding to be decent. I’m a idiot aren’t I?

He never has yet Random. And saying you stay and look after my child while I go meet my ex, seems wrong and unfair to him.

I’m thinking of texting: there’s no need to discuss anything. We’ve actually decided we’d rather go away in the uk for half term so don’t need your permission.

Your ex is an utter arse and the sooner you have court ordered contact the better.

Just text "you'll be hearing from solicitor" nothing else don't tell him your plans, go grey rock from now on

I would be tempted to get your BF to babysit and go out to meet the ex.

You know he's engineering it to spoil your evening so refuse.

I dunno, it’s not the abroad element of the holiday that’s the real issue is it. sounds like he might try and scupper any plans you have irrespective of what they actually are, UK or abroad. might be best to not give him any information at all?

He doesn’t need to come round and discuss anything. Ask him to drop you an email with his specific concerns about the holiday so you have it in writing. If he refuses, do nothing for a bit and see what his next move is. But don’t make your bf go home just so dickhead can come over to talk twaddle that he could easily do on the phone, because that’s what he really wants.

I do think you need a court ordered arrangement though otherwise he’ll keep manipulating to get things the way he wants them.

Not sure where you are but my dh ex takes their son away abroad without his permission or knowledge and she's never had a problem even though they have different surnames.
We are in Scotland. I think you can take them away up to 28 days so I would not worry.

I wouldn't let him know what you intend to do as he will probably try to think of more ways to cause trouble. Just say that you have other plans for tonight but you would be happy to discuss his concerns by telephone or email. Then see a solicitor tomorrow to see how soon you can get court permission. Also find out what the deadline is for changing plans with the travel agent.

Oh, I don’t know what to do now . Shall I just say no to him coming tonight and leave it at that?

He wouldn’t be able to do anything about us going away in the uk, would he? Especially when he’ll be abroad at the time.

Yes just reply saying "No" you need to stop all the texting etc as he's using anything and everything to manipulate you.

Detach!

Just say it’s not convenient and could he please email you his concerns. There is no urgent reason regarding your dd’s welfare that means this needs to be discussed face to face at short notice on a Sunday night. If you comply with what he wants he won’t magically turn reasonable. Even if he did suddenly agree it’ll just get retracted at a later date when it suits him to do so and mess up your plans.

Your bf sounds like a keeper though.

Ime having parental rights didn't make a bit of difference. If he did make it difficult for you about holidays abroad then it just makes your relationship difficult.
Please keep contact and communication in a recordable manner for your own benefit.
He can't stop you taking your kid to alton towers for the weekend no.
If he won't give permission or write a letter for your holiday just inform it will be the same for him.

I’ve just replied, there’s nothing to discuss and I’m busy.

Redken does his ex have a residency order that says the child lives with her? I think with that I could take her away without his permission. I really wish I’d just done it when we split up.

And now I’ve had a barrage of texts, saying:
Fine, put your bf before dd.
If you can’t even speak to me about it, how can I trust you taking dd away.
I thought you wanted us to decided these things together.
And similar, these are the nicer ones though!