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Original poster

Taking dc abroad without dad’s consent

176 replies

CandiedPeach · 15/09/2018 13:53

I’m was hoping he’s just stamping his feet a bit and he’d come round. But he’s collected dd today and quite adamantly said he’s not giving his permission for her to go away with me and my bf and that he’ll phone the airport to tell them he doesn’t want me to take her. Can he actually do this?

We’ve already booked a holiday for October half term, it’s my week to have her and it’s not effecting his contact time at all. I’ve taken dd away before no problems and although he’s given his permission I’ve never actually been asked at passport control.
We don’t have anything legal stating contact etc, which having goggled I think if we did I’d be in a better position and able to take her for up to 28 days without his say so. We’ve just sorted things between us though and we both said we were ok with either of us taking her away for a week, more than a week we’d discuss as DD’s still quite young.

I admit I was unreasonable in booking without actually speaking to him and I’ve apologised for that. But I knew he wasn’t having her at all (ironically he’s away with his gf) and we saw a pretty good deal and honestly I was putting off the inevitable foot stamping from him. I did think he’d be ok with it though, other than an initial moan. He seems really quite serious though and says I absolutely shouldn’t have booked something without speaking to him first and court will agree with him on that.

I’m really not sure what to do now! Do I risk just taking her, despite thinking he’s being a idiot I do think I’d feel bad/guilty taking her if he hasn’t said it’s ok. And obviously I might not even be allowed.
Try talking to him again, but I can’t think of what to say and we ended up arguing when he picked dd up which I don’t like because she was obviously here at the time.
See my solicitor, which I’m thinking it’s time we make things official in some way as we seem to be agreeing less and less. But I do feel bad that it’s come to that and will it be too late in regards to going away at half term anyway.

And is it really so unreasonable to take her away with my bf, when he’s taken her with his gf and his gfs children? It’s the bf he’s got issue with, he’d be fine me taking dd alone or with family.

OP posts:
Original poster
CandiedPeach · 15/09/2018 15:08

Oh I know Sparklyfee. I just know he’ll say ‘you can’t inisit I have her’, yet still say she can’t go away with us.

OP posts:
PrincessWire · 15/09/2018 15:09

Jesus, what sort of a man would stop his DD going on holiday out of spite? What a fucking prince. Way to make sure she has as little to do with him as possible as soon as she's old enough to have a say in it...

Original poster
CandiedPeach · 15/09/2018 15:11

No point making maintenance formal, he’s self employed! I have to rely on his decency in that regard and hope that seen as his mums told him she won’t have anything to do with him and he’ll be bypassed from her will (his share going to dd) if he messes me about with money, that he’ll stay decent. Although sometimes I hate that he feels he ‘gives me’ money and I’d be ok if he stopped.

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moredoll · 15/09/2018 15:12

btw don't tell him you're seeing a solicitor. That would give him time to get his ducks in a row. Just let him get the letter and any discussion is in court.

moredoll · 15/09/2018 15:13

He's not giving you money. He's paying towards his daughter's upkeep.

Racmactac · 15/09/2018 15:14

How pathetic.

Issue a c100 at court for child arrangements order and a specific issue order to take her away in October.

Don't delay just get it into court. The court will list the specific issue part for an urgent hearing and the court will be very unimpressed with him.

Honestly he doesn't have a leg to stand on and I'd be threatening him with costs as well.

Toastedstrudel · 15/09/2018 15:19

I have always been asked and had to present a notarised letter of permission from DDs dad and we’re married and have the same last name. I get why you’re frustrated but they really should ask. Solicitor is absolutely necessary here. He is probably bluffing but you must cover your back here. Flowers

RandomMess · 15/09/2018 15:21

Perhaps mention it to his Mum sounds like she may well pull him up on his controlling behaviour...

Original poster
CandiedPeach · 15/09/2018 15:30

I think it’s definitely time I get it sorted via court. Now we’ve argued I spend the whole weekend worrying he just won’t bring her back! But he’s going to get petty and he’ll insist on alternate Christmas and birthdays, even though he hates Christmas and didn’t even get out of bed on her first one! Can I have some clause in the order that she can only spend Xmas eve with either me or him, he’ll want to go out with his mates for sure but to be spiteful he’d leave her with his girlfriend rather than let me keep her.

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BlueUggs · 15/09/2018 15:33

He sounds like a twat! Get it all in writing!!

moredoll · 15/09/2018 15:34

I'd not worry about Christmas atm. Get the specific order sorted and then think about details.

moredoll · 15/09/2018 15:35

Specific issue order

Original poster
CandiedPeach · 15/09/2018 15:35

I get why they should ask Toastedstrdel, although I’ve never been asked before. I’ve had his permission though. But it’s a package holiday to the canaries for a week, me and bf both own homes and have jobs/family in the uk so we’re hardly a flight risk. I shouldn’t have to pay counter fees and have the stress of sorting it out because my ex is jealous I’ve moved on, which is his real issue.

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Dungeondragon15 · 15/09/2018 15:41

He sounds like a nasty piece of work to try and ruin your holiday just because he can, or thinks he can. Definitely take him to court so that he can't do this again. You need to take away his power and make him regret this attempt to be spiteful and controlling.
See if he wants to put the fact that he will stop you in writing so any court can see how nasty he is.

Original poster
CandiedPeach · 15/09/2018 15:41

I know moredoll but that’s what’s always put me off before. He’s generally ok with me choosing when he can or can’t see her. To clarify I’m not a bitch about it! He only wants every other weekend or occasionally one night one weekend one the next. I’d say I’m quite accommodating to him really and he’ll always see her on birthdays and Xmas. I do get the better deal with those though and I don’t really want to lose that. But then I know the minute I consider bf moving in (long way off) he could well change his mind on all that anyway.

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Dungeondragon15 · 15/09/2018 15:42

If you can't get a court order in time, I would risk taking her but try and get the flights changed so that they are from a different airport and time.

moredoll · 15/09/2018 15:48

If you can't get a court order in time, I would risk taking her but try and get the flights changed so that they are from a different airport and time.

Please don't.

Original poster
CandiedPeach · 15/09/2018 15:49

If I can’t get the order, I’m just not going to go. I don’t want to risk it and I don’t want to go without dd. I’ve told my bf he could go with a friend but he said we’ll just cancel, see if they’ll let us put it towards another holiday at a later date. I doubt we can get a refund or insurance covers ex’s being dickheads. He says we’ll book something else in the uk instead, there’s nothing my ex can do about that!

OP posts:
Original poster
CandiedPeach · 15/09/2018 15:54

He’s making it really fucking difficult not to be spiteful back though! I’ve already had concerns over DD’s supervision while in his care. I’ve got evidence of his recreational drug use and while I don’t think he’d ever use around dd. I may well inisit on drug testing before I’m happy with contact. That goes for the gf too!

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Birdsgottafly · 15/09/2018 15:54

Get it all sorted out legally. You will get permission to take her.

Then count down the days until your DD gets more of a say.

moredoll · 15/09/2018 15:54

Your bf sounds nice and sensible, but I think you'll be able to get the order.

RandomMess · 15/09/2018 15:59

I guess you need a residency order long term so he can't pull this d*ck stunt in the future.

Decent solicitor should be able to tell you if you can get one in time rather than a specific steps one.

Original poster
CandiedPeach · 15/09/2018 16:08

I think I’ll see what the solicitor says on Monday. If they feel confident we could have a order before the holiday I’ll try. If not I think I’ll speak to holiday company see if they’ll let us cancel but use the money towards a holiday next summer, my bf said he’s done this before. Then we’ll look for something in the uk for October and I’ll start the ball moving with the solicitor for a residency order. I’m guessing the cancelled holiday and his messages refusing I take her, could be used as evidence that we need something formal in place. So when he sits there at mediation agreeing to anything I ask, I can call bullshit!

OP posts:
Imustbemad00 · 15/09/2018 16:10

Putting the phone call aside, are people honestly saying you need permission to go on holiday. You think they check every child’s birth certificate to see who has PR and then ask for signed letters, which could easily be forged anyway.
I have NEVER been asked if I have permission from my children’s father to go on holiday. Nor have I ever asked his permission.
But the phonceall threat would worry me too. I would advise a solicitor just in case I think.

Original poster
CandiedPeach · 15/09/2018 16:11

But he’ll knkw he’s fucked my weekend up, the dickhead! I was going shopping for something new to wear to go out with bf tonight. Now instead I’ve spent my child free day goggling my rights and posting on here. I don’t feel like going out now and I’m going to feel unsettled until DD’s back home tomorrow.

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