School fees and step families

[Tiger2113]

Looking for views.

Grandmother in family pays grandchildren’s school fees. Three grandchildren in total.

Son has just got engaged and will become step father to two secondary school age children. Custody of these children is shared 50-50 between parents. Two sets of grandparents actively involved.

Fiancée has just commented to her future MIL that it is a pity they didn’t get angaged before the start of the school term as the children could have enrolled in their new private school at the start of year instead of the middle.

Grandmother is looking forward to getting to know these two teens but had not considered paying school fees for them. She is now concerned there will be a rift in the family if she doesn’t. She could just about afford it, but it would impact on her lifestyle. Her son could not afford private school fees, and she knows his fiancée assumes she will pay as she commented it was a great perk of being in the family,

I am a good friend of grandmother and My view is she should explain to her son this situation. This lady doesn’t know these teens well at all, and paying thousands of pounds for their schooling seems too much. But neither of have experience with step families. Are we being too hard nosed?

my friend will continue to pay child support(!) and school fees for his daughter and will pay his car payment

WTH??! WHY is she paying a (chronologically) grown man's child support and car payment?! It's his child (and car) and his responsibility.

No wonder he's so arrogant and entitled now, when his mother has enabled him and this situation. Any sympathy I had for her has evaporated upon reading about this stupidity.

I can understand her paying child support when he has no interest in his daughter.

I’m guessing the car is because she’s scared of losing him no matter how bad he treats her.

Indeed. Most married couples without step children will leave their entire estate to their partner and then the children inherit once the last parent dies unless there is so much money it makes sense to give some away earlier.

I think your friends son must have said something to his fiancée. I would suggest a conversation with both of them present might be the way forward to finding out what their expectations are.

We had a similar arrangement in our family re school fees and my brother who is single and childless he's gay but won't come out has been very vocal about how I and mine have had "more" than he has. I think he's got a cheek telling our parents how they should spend their money and that applies equally to your friend and her son.

After that conversation if I were your friend the car payments would stop. Although I am agog she pays his child maintenance I assume this is because she doesn't want her gd to go without and she knows deepdown that her twat of a son wouldn't pay. So I'd pay that and school feea for gd and nothing for his direct personal benefit. Bloody hell - now at least we can see why his fiancee is a CF because he is one too!!

Good grief!! So at what age does this man have to stand on his own two feet? 50? 60??