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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fucking sick of domestic violence and men abusing women?

280 replies

Frouby · 13/09/2018 21:01

I know I am not BU. But am venting on here to let off steam.

Last weekend there was a horrible incident on our estate. I don't want to give details as it's an active case. But after years of abuse a woman is in hospital after very nearly being murdered by her exp.

My dsis is currently being emotionally, financially and physically abused by her husband. They have been seperated for a couple of years now but have an on/off relationship. 2 weeks ago he broke her nose. This week he has smashed her car up, smashed her windows (again), taken her house and car keys and his childs bike. She has been staying either with her grown up dd or my mams. Her 10 year old has autism. He isn't coping very well with the upset. His father is using him to get to his mother.

Day after fucking day I read stories like this on mn. I see my sisters being abused by men. I saw my mum abused by my stepfather. My aunties ex husband commited bigamy, left her bankrupt and homeless. My friend has an on/off boyfriend who is a drug addict and she is almost bankrupt as he has financially crippled her for years.

I shouted at my dsis tonight. Told her if she didn't report his latest cunts trick to the police herself I would be doing it to SS. That she needs to do something to stop the absolute fucking bastard she married from making hers and her ds and her grown dd who has a newborn from living their lives around that piece of shit.

She says they won't do anything. I suspect that she is right.

My mum ended up homeless for 10 minths with 6 dcs when she finally left my step dad. He kept the family home by terrorising her into not fighting for it.

Am just absolutely fucking sick of men abusing women and getting away with it. Why? If I walked up to a stranger and broke their nose I would probably do time. If I broke into someones house, smashed their car up and stole property I would do time.

My other dsis was held for 3 hours by her ex at knife point and threatened with being raped and her throat cut. He got a 2 years suspended sentence and an anger management course. It's a fucking absolute disgrace.

Why are these crimes against women not taken seriously because they are crimes by partners or former partners? I just don't get it.

OP posts:
DioneTheDiabolist · 13/09/2018 21:35

YANBU OP. I hope that the proposed legislation to make misogyny a hate crime addresses the difficulties faced by women who are victims of DV.

garethsouthgatesmrs · 13/09/2018 21:39

YANBU at all and it sounds like you've had some dreadful experiences. Remember domestic violence can and does occur against men and often boys too.

Dragongirl10 · 13/09/2018 21:47

Yes, yes, yes...l totally feel the same. I get absolutely livid when l hear of yet another woman being abused by a man..it seems frighteningly common.

l also feel very,very upset for all the women who are too frightened and don't report abuse each and every time.....and often withdraw charges and go back.......it must be terrifying.

I once had a boyfrend who hit me ...... once.....l left..... and was stalked and threatened....for months...so l turned the tables and be, threatened to ruin his precious career, told his family and friends etc, basically shouted his behavior from the rooftops..which stopped him stalking me.

I still feel blinding fury at his actions, yet this was tiny compared to the horrific violence some men inflict freely.

Women need to stand together and call out each and every man who is violent/abusive.....or it will never lessen. Not easy l know.

NewYearNewMe18 · 13/09/2018 21:49

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Leavesofautumn · 13/09/2018 21:54

This thread is about the abuse of women, so take your derailing somewhere else. Just for once let women talk about this without someone coming up with the "What about the men" stuff. Start your own thread about it if you want but quit derailing this one.

BitOutOfPractice · 13/09/2018 21:56

The older I get, the more ducking sick I get of it op

Barbie222 · 13/09/2018 21:56

Very sad and shocked to hear about the level of violence around you OP.

BitOutOfPractice · 13/09/2018 21:56

And you’d think that on mumsnet we wouldn’t have to put up with all that “not all men” gaslighting shit that’s designed to keep women quiet and in their place.

NewYearNewMe18 · 13/09/2018 21:57

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Lazypoolday · 13/09/2018 21:58

As soon as I saw the thread title I just knew it would be all "what about the male victims " or "women do it too". Ffs if those people are so concerned they can start another thread about it. Otherwise stop with the whataboutery and the policing of what women are allowed to talk about

Pumperthepumper · 13/09/2018 22:00

YANBU it’s an absolute fucking disgrace. I don’t even know what can be done about it, apart from slowly, slowly changing society’s attitude towards DV. But how many women die in the meantime?

Truckingonandon · 13/09/2018 22:00

Well said Leaves. I don't believe those statistics in any case.

NewYearNewMe18 · 13/09/2018 22:02

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Pumperthepumper · 13/09/2018 22:02

PS the ‘what about the men’ posters never post how many perpetrators of violent crimes against men are also male. Still male violence except we’re supposed to care more because the victims are male.

NothingOnTellyAgain · 13/09/2018 22:03

100% agree op.
Every day in the news it's a litany of women being murdered by men they know and often the police have been warned and not done anything.
Sick of it.

NewYearNewMe18 · 13/09/2018 22:04

I don't believe those statistics in any case. Never mind. I'll see if the interviewer on this mornings phone in can make some up that you like better?

SausageOnAFork · 13/09/2018 22:05

Not doubting them but do you have a link to those stats NewYear?

NothingOnTellyAgain · 13/09/2018 22:05

New year new me well were posting aren't we and not dead so we obviously haven't chosen that badly.

Why don't you get in touch with the family of that teen stabbed to death the other week or the woman who had her throat cut by a colleague and tell them the stupid cows brought it in themselves.

NewYearNewMe18 · 13/09/2018 22:06

the ‘what about the men’ posters never post how many perpetrators of violent crimes against men are also male.

Ditto with lesbian domestic violence. It occurs in the same way that male gay domestic violence occurs.

Haworthia · 13/09/2018 22:06

Gosh, did someone just say “what about men?”

It’s time I reposted this again, isn’t it?

victimfocus.wordpress.com/2018/01/03/stop-asking-me-what-about-men/amp/

YANBU OP.

GunpowderGelatine · 13/09/2018 22:06

I KNEW someone would be along before 10 comments to say "what about the menz". NewYear where are your stats from? It's perfectly ok to centre women you know. Do you say to Black Lives Matter protestors "what about the white people"?

Anyway OP YANBU. I'm even more sick of people trying to excuse shitty behaviour. The Jonny Depp thing a while ago really opened my eyes into how little women are regarded and how much people will tie themselves in knots to excuse shitty behaviour by men

GunpowderGelatine · 13/09/2018 22:07

Oh and BTW I think you'll find men generally experience abuse from other men. It's men who are the problem here

NewYearNewMe18 · 13/09/2018 22:07

Why don't you get in touch with the family of that teen stabbed to death the other week or the woman who had her throat cut by a colleague and tell them the stupid cows brought it in themselves.

^ not Domestic violence or mate crime^

SocialPiranha · 13/09/2018 22:07

YANBU at all. I’m sick of it too. I’m really sick of men who have murdered their partner/ex partner and/or kids (often before killing themselves) being described as “wonderful fathers/loving husband” in the media. NO THEY’RE FUCKING NOT.

The whole system sucks, the cuts to refuges are getting worse and all the other cuts (police, NHS, mental health, social care) just add to the constant struggle so even when victims do summon up the courage to leave there’s nowhere to go.

SanFranBear · 13/09/2018 22:07

Two posts in and it's 'what about the poor men'... yes it happens but do two men die a week as a result of this - do they fuck!

I'm sorry to hear about your experiences, OP and about your sister. I too am sick of it - it feels everywhere at the mo Sad