To be fucking sick of domestic violence and men abusing women?

[Frouby]

I know I am not BU. But am venting on here to let off steam.

Last weekend there was a horrible incident on our estate. I don't want to give details as it's an active case. But after years of abuse a woman is in hospital after very nearly being murdered by her exp.

My dsis is currently being emotionally, financially and physically abused by her husband. They have been seperated for a couple of years now but have an on/off relationship. 2 weeks ago he broke her nose. This week he has smashed her car up, smashed her windows (again), taken her house and car keys and his childs bike. She has been staying either with her grown up dd or my mams. Her 10 year old has autism. He isn't coping very well with the upset. His father is using him to get to his mother.

Day after fucking day I read stories like this on mn. I see my sisters being abused by men. I saw my mum abused by my stepfather. My aunties ex husband commited bigamy, left her bankrupt and homeless. My friend has an on/off boyfriend who is a drug addict and she is almost bankrupt as he has financially crippled her for years.

I shouted at my dsis tonight. Told her if she didn't report his latest cunts trick to the police herself I would be doing it to SS. That she needs to do something to stop the absolute fucking bastard she married from making hers and her ds and her grown dd who has a newborn from living their lives around that piece of shit.

She says they won't do anything. I suspect that she is right.

My mum ended up homeless for 10 minths with 6 dcs when she finally left my step dad. He kept the family home by terrorising her into not fighting for it.

Am just absolutely fucking sick of men abusing women and getting away with it. Why? If I walked up to a stranger and broke their nose I would probably do time. If I broke into someones house, smashed their car up and stole property I would do time.

My other dsis was held for 3 hours by her ex at knife point and threatened with being raped and her throat cut. He got a 2 years suspended sentence and an anger management course. It's a fucking absolute disgrace.

Why are these crimes against women not taken seriously because they are crimes by partners or former partners? I just don't get it.

And she didn't hit her pervious partner at the airport, look into it. Jonny Depp is fine. He could have beat her up on the red carpet and he'd still be lauded

"Your only picking about the bits that support your theory that I’m a men’s right activist. "

NO I said that some of the things you are saying are what they say and I dont' know if you are aware that you are supporting their ideas.

I see you have googled MRA though.

Apologists love it when people like Roxanne Pallett come to the surface so they have a name to say alongside ‘women are just as bad’ - never mind the countless examples of men doing so much worse. Anything to pretend that the ‘male’ part of ‘male violence’ is irrelevant.

Yes one section of society is suffering more. But that children. Not women.

I really hope you don't actually work in a DV shelter when you spout such BS

I’m actually all about children to be honest

Until the day they turn 18 then fuck em, they're just as bad as men?

It's classic MRA to care soooo much about the female kids but not once they become women

Neshoma we did have a difficult upbringing. My mother and us and dcs were repeatadly let down by the authorities. I remember so much fucking violence. I remember the police coming one night. I was about 7, my sister 5 and 3. I remember them knocking in the door and my stepfather stood chatting in the doorway, laughing and joking as he rested casually against the sledgehammer he had propped in the doorway.

I remember him slamming my mother off a doorframe while she was 8 months pregnant.

I remember the interviews with SS when my mother left him and them asking how often she was drunk, whether I had seen her giving herself needles as he had told them she was an alcoholic drug addict. My mum doesn't drink. A tot of whiskey at Christmas or a hot toddy if she is ill. Never has done, never done drugs. It was only because she went back to him that the charges were dropped.

And then the violence started again.

So yes we had it tough.

But the problem isn't our upbringing. The problem is abusive men. It's not women making poor choices. It's not that as a family we are predisposed to chosing people that will break our noses, it's the men who break our noses that are a problem.

My brother had it tough. He treats his partner and daughter like princesses. It's a standing joke in our family.

So no. It's not our upbringing, or the fact my mother made the wrong choices or the fact that we witnessed abuse as children. It's the men who are abusing us that is the problem.

And it is fucking victim blaming to say anything other than that. Are women who are in violent relationships, that had loving parents, more of a victim than my sister? Is it less their fault? Less their parents fault? Does their nose bleed harder? Longer? Does it hurt more?

Don't blame the victims past. Don't minimise what her child is going through because she went through it as a child.

People suffering most from dv goes in this order. Children, women and men. The kids always come out of it worst. Always. Always. I’ve seen it. You don’t want to believe get a job in a refuge and educate yourself about it.

I get some of what I’m saying could be fed into men rights activist statements because nothing in life is black and white. Nothing. So I got that things can be twisted. Everything can be. And I’ve not compared a man being pushed with a woman dying. I’m saying it all needs to be fixed. When it’s not ok to hit anyone. Then surely you can see that’s better?

DH works away often and came home last night late. He got into bed and woke me up to talk about a situation. He got into the airport late at night, later than his flight should've arrived. The maglev to the car park was closed down for the night so he walked the 15 minutes to the carpark. Also on his flight was a woman around he's seen a few times to-ing and fro-ing on the same flights. They walked together to the car park and his car was nearest so off he went, without much thought. He realised as he walked away that he ought to have walked her right to hers, so went in the other direction to catch up and as he walked towards her a man in the carpark who'd also been on their flight was heading towards her. DH assumed he knew her (DH has led a more sheltered life and inevitably assumes the very best in most situations) and only realised something was wrong when he heard the woman cry for help. He intervened, the woman was fine physically at least, the man ran off, police were called and so on.

DH was shocked to his core that in less than the two minutes it took him to catch up with her, a man had decided to attack her. He wanted to know if that was an exceptional situation or not. I had to admit that, yes, it was commonplace and that in her position I'd have been terrified walking 15 minutes to an airport carpark by myself. I think what he was most shocked at was how unsurprised I was, how unsurprised the woman and the police were; that whilst it is hideous, that it's also so common.

I appreciate that men can be victims, too, but when a woman can't walk two minutes on her own without being at risk, when a woman could be raped had an unknown man not doubled back to check on her, means there's no comparison. None. More men need to be shocked into seeing just how vile this situation is, and how widespread this culture of attacks on women truly is. More men need to see that other men are absolutely the problem.

"When kids are growing up in households where smacking someone weaker than you because they annoyed you, or did something wrong or just because you're angry, it's no wonder we have adult men who do the same thing and women who accept it as normal. "

But girls and boys both grow up with parents who smack, and witnessing violence,

Yet in the Uk and in the world violent crime is overwhelmingly committed by men.

Women can kill their partners if they put some thought into it >> stab them in their sleep for eg. It's not se easy just to attack and kill them as they tend to be bigger and stronger and more used to fighting than us. Yet, we aren't murdering men in anything like the numbers they are murdering us.

This let's all be "gender blind" and "it's a human problem" and "a boy beating the shit out of a girl needs a much sympathy as the girl who is in hospital" is all rubbish.

Fix things for the next generation and when they turn 18 there won’t be an issue will there. Educate violence out of each generation. And it’s gets better. For everyone. Kids. Women. Men. I can’t see why that’s so offensive.

I do nothing but support women day in day out. And children. And we do get men in too. We do. Not as often. But we do.

I’m so glad your brother is doing so good OP. He sounds like a real gentleman and your mum did a good job there.

I think I’ve unintentionally derailed. So I’m going to ask mn to delet the posts. Because you need support not a detailed thread. Genuinely not my intention

@Feefeetrixabelle o don't think you understand that female on male violence is extremely rare. It's men who are the problem, now women. It's not a fucking "people" problem. We don't need to teach women to not be violent any more than we need to teach toddlers not to go shoplifting.

"Educate violence out of each generation."

??????

How do you intend to do that?

Many men see their partners / children as property, essentially. How do you intend to address that?
Many men have a massive sense of sexual entitlement and see women and girls over puberty as public sexual property, objects. How do you intend to address that?
Our criminal justice system is not really interested in addressing DV or sexual violence against women and girls.
How do you intend to address that?

Saying "educate violence out of this generation" sounds lovely. How do you intend to achieve that?

Men KNOW that they are not supposed to go around punching, hitting, raping, killing. They do it because they want to and becasue they can, there is rarely any comeback.
How do you intend to address that?

Nothing on telly. I'm not sure what your point is?

As I said, boys grow up to be men that emulate the violence. Girls grow up to see the use of violence against them as deserved and acceptable.

What's genderblind about that? I totally agree violence is a male problem.

She admitted hitting her previous partner- a woman. She was seen doing it by a police officer at a airport. We have to talk about it all.

Would that be the same partner who denied that there was ever any abuse in their relationship?

Would that be the same partner who criticised the allegations made by airport security and described them as nothing more than homophobia?

Would that be the same partner who defended Heard and believed her when she said Depp was abusive towards her?

Your claims #SoundLegit man, they really do...

Even in the US, where guns are ubiquitous,
where a physically weaker person could kill a stronger person much more easily than in the UK

it is still overwhelmingly men who commit violent crime, including gun crime and murders
whether the victims are personally known to them or not.

So it is not just about greater physical strength - although that remains a major part of the danger for women -
it is also about far higher male aggression and willingness to kill & maim

I was responding to Feefee not you.

Feefee thinks that for children witnessing DV between their parents, a boy who beats the shit out of his sister and stamps on her head deserves as much if not more sympathy as the girl who was beaten up.

She also thinks that the level of harm done is irrelevant and women are as bad as men. So violence is a "people problem" and the fact that it's women who usually end up dead is not relevant to anything.

Remember domestic violence can and does occur against men and often boys too. Why the fuck do you need to spout that on a thread about several women having experienced DV?

134,000 reported incidents of DV against men last year. 1 in 6 men is assaulted by their partner, Citation?

www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/crimeandjustice/compendium/focusonviolentcrimeandsexualoffences/yearendingmarch2016/domesticabusesexualassaultandstalking

Stats and sex differences.

The desire from some quarters (lots of querters actually) to say

women do it too
women are just as bad
this is a people problem
and a lot of people who say that phrases like "male violence is a massive problem" is "misandry.

I would love to know where you heard that Amber Heard admitted hitting her partner at the airport though especially considering her partner was adamant there was no abuse in their relationship.

AFAIK airport staff simply saw them arguing and when they realised it was a same sex couple they called the police, hence her partner allegations of it being nothing more than homophobia.

Amazing that the police spotted Heard hitting her considering they weren't even there at the time the alleged event took place. That really is amazing.

I've just googled the Amber Heard hitting Jonny Depp. HE claimed that happened and she absolutely denies it. What a shock, a man turns it round and says "but she punched me too" - it doesn't matt r if you're Ray from the roughest estate in town or Jonny Depp, Hollywood millionaire, abusers always follow the same formula.

I believe Amber and I believe you need to stop clutching at straws to make men look like victims fee. Plants is correct, there was no abuse in her relationship with her ex.

Women are never allowed to talk for long about the violence we face from men
without threads being continually diverted by discussing the tiny % of violent women who seriously attack or kill men

There is so much sympathy & support for boys & men, even when they are the proven perpetrators of a crime

The female victims are often regarded - including by professionals who should be safeguarding them -
as an inconvenient side issue to be brushed aside in favour of helping the poor boys & men, who must have suffered so dreadfully to commit such horrible crimes.

Deppp has a long history of violence - smashing up hotel rooms and it is rumoured his relationship with Kate moss was,'tempestuous' (i thin this is the euphemism used to mean violent?)

And yet people still question his wife saying he was abusive towards her!

It's absolutely sickening for mothers of sons to read this misandry every day

Not remotely sickening. I worry about DS being on the receiving end of male violence too (outside the home, I’m confident about DH after 20 years).

Why on earth do you think that mothers of sons would be fine with violent men beating other people up with impunity? What a weird thing to think.

Hasn't Winona Ryder also spoken about being in an abusive relationship? She didn't outright accuse anyone or name any names but I remember reading elsewhere on a different forum (might have been Digital Spy?) that the timeline given would fit that of when she was in a relationship with Depp.

Now I'm a bit skeptical of this claim especially as Ryder later came out and said their relationship was never abusive but perhaps she had her own reasons for saying that.

Along with Depp's past history of being violent and abusive, I do think it's some food for thought...