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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Weekly overnight stay at GPs

243 replies

Goostacean · 13/09/2018 14:14

In the middle of an ongoing negotiation with DH re childcare. PFB so we don't know what we're doing Grin

How will a toddler (15 months +) be affected by sleeping at grandparents', once a week?

Hypothetical situation: Monday daytime with DM (and DF when he's back from work around 6pm), overnight at GPs, Tuesday dropped back at home in the afternoon, and DM/MIL stay until we get home from work. So toddler would see a parent on Monday morning, and Tuesday evening/night. Nursery Weds-Fri.

We don't see eye-to-eye, and neither do parents/in-laws. AIBU to ask for your views? Not posting mine yet as don't want to sway the responses!

OP posts:
Original poster
Goostacean · 13/09/2018 14:30

@Holidayfromreal, can I ask why please? Am keen not to agree to a set up and then regret it, so your lone voice of disagreement is interesting!

OP posts:
Leeds2 · 13/09/2018 14:31

I wouldn't have any problem with that, as long as all GPs are happy, and able, to look after him.

Jasperoonicle · 13/09/2018 14:33

My own got dropped to GP's from a year old till they were 3 every thursday morning and collected every friday evening after work. They were not in nursery and GP's lived about a 35 min drive away. Never any problems with it.

bibbidybobbidyboo · 13/09/2018 14:36

Not the point of the thread but I read this as GP as in doctors. Was thinking:

"Wow they'll let you stay over night? I can't even get an appointment until November!"
Grin

Original poster
Goostacean · 13/09/2018 14:36

I've given myself away, obviously this is a set up I want and DH has reservations!

Has it affected anyone's relationship with their DC? Are they upset if they wake in the night and only GPs are there, not parents...?

OP posts:
Original poster
Goostacean · 13/09/2018 14:37

@bibbidybobbidyboo That made me laugh! I wish! Wouldn't be advertising that on MN Grin

OP posts:
PolkerrisBeach · 13/09/2018 14:39

Am keen not to agree to a set up and then regret it

There's always a few people on these threads who say they couldn't bear to be without their children, or would worry all the time, or wouldn't be able to sleep a wink, or come out with some statement about how their MIL beat their children with sticks and their Mother fed them gruel and water. Not quite sure what they're intending to add to the thread, mainly it;s about proving that they are such great parents that they are never separated from their kids.

Whether you think this is a reasonable approach is another matter entirely.

In OP's situation it sounds really well thought out and practical. It's a great chance for the child to bond with the grandparents and for the parents to get a bit of time off. I'd just be thinking about the practicalities - what if your mum is sick or something, would MIL be able to help out? And vice versa?

Nanny0gg · 13/09/2018 14:41

I mind a couple of my DGC and just to say they do start asking for their parents around tea-time.

So I'd test the waters first if you can.

Penguinsnpandas · 13/09/2018 14:42

I also read it as doctors and was wondering can you leave your children there? Tempting at times Grin

lottiegarbanzo · 13/09/2018 14:44

Sounds great. Lovely way to establish the child's 'own' relationship with the GPs, independent of you the parents. I think having multiple strong attachments like that is really good for their confidence and ability to mix with other people.

Original poster
Goostacean · 13/09/2018 14:44

@Nanny0gg (love the username, probably have to take your advice on principle now!), how old are your DGC?

OP posts:
lottiegarbanzo · 13/09/2018 14:45

I'd start gradually though - and am rather assuming you have already. GPs see dc at your house, then take dc out themselves for a short time, have dc at their house alone for a short time, then overnight etc.

powerwalk · 13/09/2018 14:47

How will your parents feel? Make sure they understand and have equal time with gc

FinallyARainbow · 13/09/2018 14:48

We started doing this whilst I was pg with DC2 and it was great. It meant DH or I didn't have to rush to drop DC1 off on a Monday morning. DC1 has a great relationship with all GPs and asks for sleepovers so he was delighted too

CaMePlaitPas · 13/09/2018 14:48

I would walk bare foot over broken glass for this set up. Go for it.

mumsastudent · 13/09/2018 14:49

as a childminder: at least 2 of the parents used me a few days & staying at grandparents for several years worked well - dc were happy & balanced no problems

Original poster
Goostacean · 13/09/2018 14:49

@lottie you beat me to my next question. If anyone has an arrangement like this, is it better to phase it in, or go in at the deep end? My concern with phasing is that DC will just start to get used to a routine and it changes again.

An added complication is that we're currently living abroad, so DC barely sees all GPs. We'll have about 3 weeks once we're back before I return to work, so will see them lots in that time obviously. We can definitely do eg. six weeks of only day times, then moving to overnight, for example.

The issue DH has is with the overnight, whereas that's the exact break and breathing space I want.

OP posts:
Frogscotch7 · 13/09/2018 14:51

Polkerris - I said it wasn’t for me as the OP had not given her stance and she may have appreciated that someone else felt weird about not seeing their baby for this chunk of time weekly. If that was her husband’s concern perhaps it may have shown her that his perspective was not unique. If I wanted to suggest I was a better mum than everyone else I’d just show you my tattoo.

Lindy2 · 13/09/2018 14:51

How old is your DC now and are they a good sleeper.
At 15m both of mine were still waking in the night and my eldest was a very active (hard work) toddler.
If we'd had an arrangement like this with the GPs I don't think they would have actually been able to manage and I don't think it would have lasted.
It's a nice plan in theory (I would have, and still would, love an overnight break from my kids) but the reality might not be so straightforward. Have a back up plan if you do decide to try it. Unless, of course, you are blessed with the easiest toddler in the world who has reliable, capable and fit and healthy GPs.

SassitudeandSparkle · 13/09/2018 14:54

It was clearly you that wanted this OP!

So your mother gets the overnights and your MIL the nursery pickups? And your MIL wants an overnight as well, presumably? That's going to be hard to turn down if you set a precedent tbh. And if you are away at the moment this overnight will be with someone your child probably doesn't actually know that well?

I will be in the minority too but I wouldn't have done this.

Nanny0gg · 13/09/2018 14:54

Thanks! 18 months and 3. Had them since their mothers went back to work.

lottiegarbanzo · 13/09/2018 14:54

We did something similar but the phasing was very gradual, as GPs lived close by from dc birth.

If you're moving back to the UK, you could perhaps introduce it quickly as 'just part of how it is here'. I sort of think you might want to be a bit gradual though, so dc feels comfortable with them, and their house, first.

The 'free' overnight is a brilliant and wonderful thing!

Jent13c · 13/09/2018 14:55

Someone in my family has had this arrangement since their son was born and it works for them.
It's not for me, my son didn't sleepover until 17m old and I like to put him to bed everynight I'm not on nightshift. But I'm very much attachment and like him close. We were not apart at all until 6 months old!

But I would be too worried about worrying about them getting into a routine then changing it etc. They are so resilient and adapt to the situation that they are in. I've done 12h shifts, short days, extended holidays and he adapts so well. Prefers when he's with me to nursery but he just gets on with it.

Onthebrink87 · 13/09/2018 14:56

My dear grandma was my best friend, she had 7 granddaughters and I was the only one who spent many many nights with her. I feel very privelidged that i got to spend so much time with her and sone of my best memories (even to date at 31) are time spent with her! If say go for it. Your dc will enjoy it, gp will enjoy it and you get chance to take time for yourself!

SilverbytheSea · 13/09/2018 14:57

If your parents are happy with the arrangement then I see no reason not to go for it.
Neither my mum or my MIL cope very well with running about after our 16 month old for extended periods of time but have helped out in emergencies, even overnight and my son didn’t even bat an eyelid that me and DH weren’t there! I was almost disappointed 😂