to be boggled at my sister expecting me to come to her wedding in the middle of the school year ...

[NotQuiteCockney]

My sister told me on the phone, she's (probably) getting married Jan 26th, next year. Ok, this is lots of notice. But it's in Toronto, and at a bloody stupid time. I'm sick of going to Canada, honestly, and what am I meant to do? Go for the weekend? Leave the kids at home? What?

The whole thing has me annoyed, tbh. I know she can't get married in the summer, when I normally come, I understand that. But easter or autumn would be a lot easier for me.

I just figured she didn't really care about me coming, but she sounded a bit put out when I said I'd have a hard time coming.

She came over for my wedding, true, but I scheduled my wedding to be convenient for everyone attending!

It probably doesn't help that I can't stand her DP ...

Message withdrawn

How old are your DCs?

I had my wedding on a Wednesday and gave everyone three weeks notice.

Extremely inconsiderate.

That's when we wanted it though, wouldn't have been offended if people couldn't make it, although come to think of it, it was my sister who was most annoyed.

Week away without the dc! Go for it!

My kids will be 6 and 3.

Thing is, I really don't like flying. I don't like travelling. It will be minus fucking everything there, and going for a week means we get two weeks of being jetlagged and no pleasantness at all.

I don't know. Maybe I'll go on my own? It's not really very feasible, though, tbh.

I am totally fine with her getting married whenever, I just don't get her expecting me to come at a random time.

Don't go then. What's the problem? Ask her to send you some photos/video. Send a nice gift.

Yeah, that makes sense.

I think I may hide the fact of this from my in-laws, as they do things Differently, and would put lots of pressure on me to go.

Well, my father might still put pressure on me, in which case I'm fucked, as my mom died last year ...

We're not very close, no, I guess.

I really can't stand her DP.

Sorry to hear about your mum. Is there no-one else that your dad would be happy to go with, if he wants to go? Wouldn't bother about pressure from in-laws though.

She clearly has no clue I can't stand him. She said on the phone, 'oh, I have to warn you now, you probably won't see much of him while you're over, he's very busy'. In a very 'letting me down gently' sort of way.

I don't think dad would put pressure so he could go with me, but more so we could all be together.

DH was putting pressure on me to go, last time we went through all this (but it got postponed).

you CAN'T miss your sister's wedding

you have to either take child out of school or go alone

sorry

not-negotiable .. it'll come up with every argument for the rest of your life .. and you don't want that

could you go there & back in a few days - kids at home with your dh?

My sister and I don't have arguments!

And no, I don't have to go - you presumably would, for your sister, Twiglett.

I already had this argument with DH the first time around, he assumed my family was like his, so I had to go. And I'm anticipating this argument with the in-laws.

I'm a bit yeah but no but. On the one hand - it's going to be might inconvenient for you. On the other hand - there is something to be said to arrange stuff as best suits you - as long as she doesn't throw a hissy if you and family don't turn up. I am boggling at a wedding in uber cold weather mind.

I guess leaving kids at home with DH is easiest option. But I actually don't want to go. I mean, I'd love a few days off from the kids, god knows, but I'd like to do something other than fly interminably to a city I don't like and go to a fucking wedding.

luckily they're all already married

but I made them all come to Florence for my wedding

yes you're right .. with my family I'd have no choice .. well-developed guilt instinct

Well my sister already got (somewhat) married once, and I attended that one. I didn't like that bloke either, but then he went out for cigarettes and didn't bother coming back.

I wouldn't go.

It's obviously going to be a complete hassle & as you say, you & your sister don't have arguments.

As far as I'm concerned: if you want everyone from your best mate at Primary school to Great Auntie Ethel at your wedding, you make it easy for them with a convenient date. OR you do your own thang & don't whinge when it's just you, him, & whoever's at a loose end.

Without sounding to bad. I don't see what the problem is. If you don't want to go then don't. I personally would but i'm really close to my sisters. However i will say that its her wedding and she has the right to choose when she wants. I hope that you figure something out.

I agree with Twig. You CAN'T miss your sister's wedding. She'll remember it forever and it'll leave a nasty taste. I would be seriously hurt if my sister was considering not coming to my wedding. It doesn't matter whether or not you like the man as you're going for your sister, not him.

If it were me I'd take the kids out of school and go, no problem. Or I'd go on my own if I could get a decent babysitter.

Sorry, but it would be a very big snub, especially as she came to yours.

Spider, you're telling us about how your family works.

My sister has been with her DP for five or six years, they have two kids, they're not having a big fancy wedding. I don't think my sister will hold a grudge about it, and if she was going to, she would have, hey!, had it at a time I could attend!

I feel torn. I feel like I ought to go. I also probably should, in theory, be closer to my sister, but I'm just not.