Friends without kids

[Musicforthemasses18]

Best friend of 20 years doesn’t have kids. We have been trying to meet up for ages- I have offered 2 possible dates where I was going to travel to her & take a day off work.

But she’s pissed off that I can’t stay & that I have to get back to pick the kids up from school. I’d have 5 hours & am travelling to get to get to her. She’s now said she can’t do the dates I have offered & is being difficult.

Aibu to think it’s so fucking hard sometimes trying to explain to people without kids what it’s like to work full time plus raise 2 kids- sort out childcare, manage their clubs & weekend stuff etc.

I feel like taking a days annual leave & offering to travel is making an effort but she’s making it SO hard for me- like I should feel guilty.

Why are us woman so mean to each other?

Oh and by the way OP will be in permanent MUM mode (what ever the fuck that demeaning term is) because she is a mother, and just because she isn't with her children that doesn't mean she won't be worrying/thinking/checking on them. Motherhood doesn't come with an off switch you know!!
Not quite sure why you're so enraged by that but what I meant was that OP would be constantly fielding interruptions and needs from her kids if she was at home with friend and the children there, whereas if she's at friend's then she's not. Very simple. Presumably if OP was away from home in an evening her OH would be fielding the vast majority of demands because he'd be physically able to, in the same way that would happen if OP went out to the cinema or something (or would she spend the entire film worrying and nipping out of the cinema to ring home? )

I actually didn’t intend it nastily and if it came across that way I apologise.

However I am tired of flippant ‘ooh I am so jealous’ from posters lucky enough to have a baby that they presumably wanted once.

How about thinking about what you’re actually saying?

Lizzie in this instance I would either a) arrange for my child’s other parent, you know, her father, to arrange pick up from school or b) arrange a play date at a friend’s and he could pick up from there. Because if I was going to do such a long trip to see a good friend I don’t see very often I would want t9 make the most of it.

Think what the OP is saying is just because she can't stay over night like her friend wanted she's now being difficult and saying she can't do that day. Is that right OP?
Feel like some people are giving you a hard time. I think childless people are much more flexible I was before my DS. And I find childless people are less understanding so YANBU.

Again why are us women so horrible to each other!?

We don’t have to agree with one another because we have vaginas ohluckyme

As someone who is caring for a very ill DP, I have a very inflexible schedule. No school or babysitters or family to help. I can only leave him for short times.

@Gemi33

I'm the only one of my friends that doesn't have children. I have an incredibly demanding (and unflexible) job and yet I am constantly expected to do all the running because I don't have children and therefore I obviously have nothing else to do - it is unbelievable frustrating!

And many women have incredibly demanding and unflexible jobs, AND children too.

Shame more childfree people aren't more sympathetic to the demands and responsibilities of having children, ESPECIALLY for those women who work too!

Suppose you'll say we shouldn't have had them eh?

And yeah I HAVE had child free by choice 'friends' say that to me before...... ('Well yoooooooooou chose to have them!')

Needless to say, I am no longer friends with them. Don't need people like that in my life.

If these child free by choice women are sooooooooo busy, with their incredibly busy and demanding jobs, I would imagine that they don't have time for their child free friends either!

Childfree parent is clearly meant to say childfree people... jeez.

YABU to generalise this to “people without kids”. Just because your friend is being an arse doesn’t mean we’re all that way. My friends with kids routinely expect me to travel all the way to them, to time everything around their DCs feeding times/nap times/whatever, to always be happy to just sit with them in the depressing cafe next to a noisy soft play centre (this is friends whose kids aren’t in school), and very rarely do I get acknowledgement of the fact that I’m making 99% of the effort. That’s bloody annoying. Apart from anything else I very much doubt they’ll return the courtesy when I have kids!

Some utterly nasty shit on this thread.

Why doesnt she come to you then.And she can stay over.

BumDisease
I didn’t back track. I had no idea my post could be so interpreted. You otoh sound very angry.

Nikephorus I really wouldn't expect you to understand. The whole point of the thread in one post. Congratulations.

The point is, as you seem to be struggling, most mothers never really check out. I could be a thousand miles away from my dc and they could have the a whole team of nannies looking after them I would still be thinking of them/checking they are okay/missing them probably and making sure all was okay.

What nasty shit ilovesooty?

It’s heated, yes. People feel strongly about it.

The actual issue in this case is that the friend is just being a selfish arse, but the whole post/thread becomes about how ALL PEOPLE WITHOUT KIDS DON'T UNDERSTAND OUR DIFFICULT LIVES.

This is spot on. These threads are incredibly depressing.

"BumDisease
I didn’t back track. I had no idea my post could be so interpreted. You otoh sound very angry."

Lol, of course not... there's definitely no way that "she doesn't have children because she's a child herself" could be misconstrued. Maybe you should be a little more careful in your choice of words in future.

power you seen to think all mothers by virtue of having given birth feel exactly the same when they’re away from their children. Utter bollocks.

It all depends on what your plans were, whether you leaving for the school run was known when they were made, whether alcohol was assumed to be a part of the plans etc.

But in all honesty, if I had a friend who assumed their time was more precious than mine on account of me not having children then I'd be questioning whether I wanted to rush to spend time with them. Understanding of challenges goes both ways. And for what it's worth, I am typically busier than most of my friends who have children.

This whole thread has become awful for one reason. Friends without kids tend to resent the time children tend to take up, the lack of weekends now available and have a tendency to be quietly pissed off that their social life has been compromised and that their friend prioritises something far and above them, and always will.

They have been sidelined, never deliberately but by default.

This is why there is anger and resentment on both sides. One side is frantically juggling trying to keep the friendship going along with family commitments and the other is looking on.

Op what about inviting her to your home and going to a local pub? I do not have children but always aware of friends who do via arrangements. What age are ye? Personally I always saw it as a duty ( a nice one) to offer to babysit friends children and stay over, get to see friends too. I now have the children of my DP ( but as I said not my children) and that leaves me limited in choices as we all like days together. And yes, time is different with small children, anyone realises that.