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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Treating child on a harness, like a dog???

244 replies

Damnivy · 11/09/2018 21:27

So keep my 2 year old on a child harness if we are out and about. She doesn't like using a pram anymore. And loves to run off, or finds something she likes the look of and just stops moving! I have 4dcs and only had to use them with my youngest.
I have a 3 year old too and makes it hard when the youngest runs off as have to grab the 3 year old before I can go after her, as can't leave either unattended.
So the harness is safe and practical. Dd walks brilliantly whilst on the harness with no complaint.
So today while in town, a lady starts smiling at dd and saying hello! Innocent enough! But then walks over and tells me what a sweet child dd is, but she can't help but feel sorry for her being 'tied up'. And I should stop treating her like a dog!!!! Iv had a few people say in the past that they wouldn't use a harness as they feel like they are walking a dog ect..
So AIBU in using this as a safety precaution while trying to teach my dd road safety and to stop running off, or do I look as though I should be walking a dog? Did you use them/won't use them, or have any ideas of how to stop my child running off?

OP posts:
toomuchtooold · 12/09/2018 05:59

I tried using them with my DTs but they kept crossing over the lines like bloody Yorkshire terriers. So from about 15m till about 3 years, my DCs went everywhere in the buggy. Then I started getting "how old are those children should they really be in a buggy" comments. You can't win. Apparently I got my children from the wrong shop, I should have got those ones who trot along biddably at your side from age 1.

WizzbangWallopWot · 12/09/2018 06:08

I'm so glad to see that @Creeper8 is the only person on this thread that doesn't use them because they liken it to a dog on a lead!

Totally ridiculous, do/did we have collars on our children with name tags on them?

It's just such a ridiculous comment it makes me see red! I'd have told the woman to mind her own business and also her parenting based on. "What looks nice" wouldn't look so nice when you had a dead child in the road.

Carry on using and I wouldn't say ignore the stupid people that say it looks like a leash, I'd challenge them and shame them for 1. judging you and 2. lax parenting based on "fashion".

Honestly @Creeper8 people have said they didn't use them as had docile children but to not use them because you don't like the fact that they look like a leash (which they don't) is utter madness and does not make you a good parent.

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 12/09/2018 06:22

I cannot understand peoples’ objections. Young children are fast and impulsive. Better on reins than under a bus.

Faithless12 · 12/09/2018 06:29

I fail to see how they would stop a child getting abducted. Most abductions occur when the child is out of rein reach.
I didn’t use reins DS wasn’t a bolter and I didn’t see the need.

megletthesecond · 12/09/2018 06:30

I've seen two heart in the mouth incidents in the last week where a parent has allowed a toddler to run ahead to the road and press the pedestrian crossing button Angry. I wanted to shout at the bloody stupid parents to hold on to their kid by the road Angry. I didn't in case it startled the child.
Backpack reins are the only civilised way to walk with little ones.

RedPencil · 12/09/2018 06:36

I personally cannot understand the problem with them. It's a safety precaution, as it ensures they don't run off into the road/other dangerous situation or get lost, and it means they get the freedom to walk and improve this when normally it wouldn't be safe to do so.

Can someone please explain why they disagree with them, apart from the whole 'they look like a dog on a leash' thing? Because that's a ridiculous argument, they are not a dog and no one is pretending they are.

KickBishopBrennanUpTheArse · 12/09/2018 06:41

My dd was never a bolter and always had a healthy fear of roads but she absolutely loved her reins and used to go and fetch them if we were going out like a dogGrin.

Sometimes if we were in a safer place e.g. park or woods I'd tuck the reins strap in the back of the harness so she could run around and have some freedom.

If she realised I'd let go she'd pull the strap out and run over to me and give it back and say "NO mummy."

We used to joke that she'd probably prefer the reins on me so she could keep me under control Confused

TheObwaldhutte · 12/09/2018 06:41

I am 55. I still have my reins. They are pink leather stitched to felt with a rabbit on the breastplate and lots of rusty rivets holding it all together. I am surprised they are not used more than they are tbh.

Spudlet · 12/09/2018 06:43

DS is 2.5 and is back into bolting at the moment. He is a tall child and he is fast... people don't believe he could be, then they see 5'10 me have to break into a sprint to catch him. He's definitely picked up speed, it used to be that a brisk walk or gentle jog would overhaul him, but now it's a definite run on my part. And he is incredibly slippery at wrenching his hand from yours, unless you have him in an absolute iron grip, at which point he goes boneless and collapses like a heap of jelly...!

With his reins, however, he generally walks with you calmly and nicely. It must be nicer for him and it definitely is for me.

They are quite common here, I was at the zoo earlier this week and DS was one of the few children not wearing them - until he sped off once too often and joined the trend...! I have to say I've not had any nasty comments yet either, just admiring ones from older ladies (so perhaps a generational aspect to this?) about what a sensible young mum I am to use them (hah to the young part, but thank you!).

Amanduh · 12/09/2018 06:46

People are idiots. I don’t care whether you don’t like them personally. If they stop my child from getting hurt, i’ll use them.

Amanduh · 12/09/2018 06:47

Oh and putting a backpack on it doesn’t change the use, so don’t see why they would be ok and ‘normal’ reins wouldn’t.

minisoksmakehardwork · 12/09/2018 06:47

I used Reins on all of mine. Far safer then the alternative of a crushed or lost child.

Ignore. I think people are far too hung up on what other people think and I wish more parents would use reins.

Ethelswith · 12/09/2018 06:49

My DMum has often said that the one she loved most on this planet was her labrador.

So I would take a comparison to a dog as entirely complimentary, and so would have smiled and said 'thank you, that's always been my aim' because I want to keep my child safe, loved and we solarised. And only off lead once ready and sufficiently responsive,

Abneyandteal19 · 12/09/2018 06:58

Another advocate for reins here! DS (now 3) was a bolter and we used them a lot especially when DS2 was born and I had 2 under 2 to manage! Never mind what people think you can't do right by everyone!! My son was safe and had some freedom- no way could I have held his squirmy had whilst pushing a pram safely down the high street!!

We had the little life basic reins they go over head and do up at both sides - grey with a sheep on I think. Like a PP the backpack one worried me as he could undo the clip and I worried about pulling his shoulders out should I have to pull back fast and hard ie if he ran in a road. The chest plate ones are literally impossible to get out of and no tension on their shoulders. Not as cute as the backpack but didn't worry me!

Nothing is more important than keeping your child safe so I'd give anyone commenting the hard stare and move on- don't even acknowledge it with a comment I say!

witherwings · 12/09/2018 07:14

Yanbu, the people that comment have no idea that some kids will just run if they fancy it. Safety first with reins until they grasp the concept of traffic and staying close in certain places. They should mind their own business.

Hoopaloop · 12/09/2018 07:24

I use a little life backpack on my 2yr old. Often thought it's like walking the dog but couldn't care less if other people judge.

hannah1992 · 12/09/2018 07:26

I used then for dd1. She wasn't a bolter but we lived near some busy main roads so it was more for my piece of mind. I have tried with dd2 but she hates them. She sits on the floor and refuses to move. Walking a dog would be alot easier!

Sweepouttheashes · 12/09/2018 07:30

My Dm had reins for me, had to as I would run like a whippet into traffic otherwise. We were in a small village in Devon and she did actually used to tie me to the lamppost while she went into the shop lol. I can remember them, white patent leather. I hated them and would give them a bite and a scratch when I was alone with them at home. This was mid 70s.

CutesyUserName · 12/09/2018 07:30

When mine were toddler and newborn, I didn't give a flying fuck what anyone thought. I used reins when out shopping because I'd rather be sure I didn't have to choose between leaving a newborn in a pram loaded with shopping bags and dashing after a runaway toddler (not that she ever did, but the possibility was there).

Do what you feel you need to do to keep your children safe and ignore the haters.

mintich · 12/09/2018 07:34

I use reins. My daughter is only 15 months so would run into the road if I didn't. I still hold her hand but it's added protection. Also, after seeing that James Bulger documentary, I vowed to use them no matter what people thought!

sorryihaventacluetoo · 12/09/2018 07:35

I have a wrist rein for my 4yo. He has ASD. We live by the sea and he loves to go to the harbour and watch the boats, unfortunately there are no chains/safety barriers on the harbour! (Necessary for fishermen I expect, fair enough)

He has no sense of danger, poor impulse control and a tendency towards being clumsy. You bet I'm gonna have him on a lead!

PurpleMac · 12/09/2018 09:09

I hated them, thought they looked like a dog on a leash. And then life granted me the gift of a child who bolts! Harnesses save lives.

Nicknamesalltaken · 12/09/2018 09:11

You could see it like that, or you could see it as giving your child some freedom to walk whist keeping them safe.

Don’t worry about other people’s opinions.

RP235 · 12/09/2018 09:27

Hi,

I also have a fast runner and use a backpack style rein which my lo likes because they can put things inside it. Personally I'd rather be safer than sorry. My child isn't naughty but can't grasp the danger of cars or running out into the road. They are still learning this.
I've actually had a couple of people say they like seeing it and well done for being careful.
The amount of times I see parents walking along with their toddler just trailing behind next to a busy road, scares me a bit.

tailsiwin · 12/09/2018 09:49

I use them, my daughter loves them!

She's too short for me to hold her hand comfortably for very long.

She loves running ahead a little bit but if she stumbles the harness stabilises her

It means we can walk to the shops easily and have fun, without every single minute being a lesson in how not to run in the road. Life isn't always about teachable moments ffs.

And, really, there's no harm in them at all. Some people may have delicate sensibilities and dislike the look but that's fine. That's just their taste really rather than anything factual.

A smug local mum made a passive aggressive comment about ours, along the lines of complimenting my daughter on her pretty reins and then saying to me how she never used them and just taught her daughter how to walk safely rather than be constrained by a harness. I laughed it off and made a comment about how she must have been one of those "over thinking parents" who made their lives harder and that I hoped she's learned to relax a little since then.