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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Treating child on a harness, like a dog???

244 replies

Damnivy · 11/09/2018 21:27

So keep my 2 year old on a child harness if we are out and about. She doesn't like using a pram anymore. And loves to run off, or finds something she likes the look of and just stops moving! I have 4dcs and only had to use them with my youngest.
I have a 3 year old too and makes it hard when the youngest runs off as have to grab the 3 year old before I can go after her, as can't leave either unattended.
So the harness is safe and practical. Dd walks brilliantly whilst on the harness with no complaint.
So today while in town, a lady starts smiling at dd and saying hello! Innocent enough! But then walks over and tells me what a sweet child dd is, but she can't help but feel sorry for her being 'tied up'. And I should stop treating her like a dog!!!! Iv had a few people say in the past that they wouldn't use a harness as they feel like they are walking a dog ect..
So AIBU in using this as a safety precaution while trying to teach my dd road safety and to stop running off, or do I look as though I should be walking a dog? Did you use them/won't use them, or have any ideas of how to stop my child running off?

OP posts:

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 11/09/2018 22:15

Better to use them than have a dead child. I didn't use them with all of mine but I did keep them with me and certainly the oldest had to wear them whenever she tried to run away. The middle child clung to me or the buggy so didn't need them and the youngest always had more of my attention because the older two were quite sensible. We found them recently and they all fell on them like a long lost toy so no lasting harm done except when they tried to squeeze into them again, definitely not for use in ks2 or above .

PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 11/09/2018 22:15

Thank you @ewitsahooman

That’s made me feel much better. DD is tall for her age and regularly mistaken for 3, even 4. She looks too “big” for such a thing but you’re bang on. X

Crackedvase · 11/09/2018 22:15

My youngest is the worst runner/bolter and I was the sanctimonious prick who scorned leashes and harnesses. Oh how the mighty me fell.....
I have several, and they have kept her safe many many times.
Shes not like a dog on a leash, she is like a monkey tangled in branches.
Judge on Judgy McJudgersons.

ozymandiusking · 11/09/2018 22:16

Nothing wrong with reins at all. I had them for both my sons. They are much better than these wrist lead things one sometime sees.

AliciaJohnson · 11/09/2018 22:16

Have just read about Mrs Presley and her child. Good God. Just use reins, OP, and ignore anyone who makes any kind of negative comment.

flowerythorns · 11/09/2018 22:17

Thankyou to the pp who linked @mrspresley. Written in 2014 so accident happened about 30 years ago?

My DS was hit by a car and died because his dad didn't put his reins on him (or his twin sister), he was in a hurry and thought for a short journey it wouldn't matter.
^
Well we all found out, in the worst way possible that it does matter, it only takes a minute to put them on, and it took less than a minute for my DS to end up under a car, while ExDH was distracted by DD.

Please please always use reins, no matter how short your journey, if you are near a road then put them on.

Believe me when I say you really don't want the life I have had for the past 28 years, I wouldn't wish that on anyone!

Even though I had another 3 children, there is a huge emptiness that will never be filled.

And thank you to the posters who have remembered me, hopefully on the next "reins" thread there will be some more parents who will remember me and please keep telling people how important reins can be

Oh and if anyone says it's like putting them on a lead like a dog, well, would you let your dog run about the streets without a lead^

PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 11/09/2018 22:18

@flowerythorns

Ironmanrocks · 11/09/2018 22:19

Haven't read the full thread but I loved reins - gave freedom but I had ultimate control. We used to joke it was like him being on a lead - laughing about the fact the dog was better behaved made the whole thing fine and much more fun! some days he pretended to be the dog. Still does tbh!

EwItsAHooman · 11/09/2018 22:21

If I remember rightly, MrsPresley's ex-husband died relatively young and a broken man. Tragic all round.

Larasshadow · 11/09/2018 22:22

The only way I could get ds to wear a wrist strap was to pretend he was a dog.. still much safer than him potentially running in a road etc.

You shouldn't worry what other people think anyway. Do what's best for you and your family.

DeadButDelicious · 11/09/2018 22:27

"must be a curious/confident child who needs to be kept safe".

This is exactly it for our DD. I love that she's confident and wants to explore the world around her but it's like she has no fear. At all. She flings herself head long into absolutely everything and because she's still little, not yet 2, getting her to stop, listen and take in what's being said to her is at best hit and miss. Mostly I might as well be talking to myself.

NoNoNoOohmaybe · 11/09/2018 22:27

I use them with my twins when I'm on my own.

They're also fab when we're hiking over rough ground etc if they trip.

I agree lots of people have all kinds of judgement, just smile sweetly and ignore them.

YouBetterWORK · 11/09/2018 22:28

I have a feeling I'll be needing them for DD and I'm absolutely fine with that, screw whatever people say. They have nice backpacks on them now too. My mum was saying the other day my ones had two hand straps for 'steering' ("so she could pull you on a sledge then" added DH )

CanYouHearThat · 11/09/2018 22:28

Not only did i use reins on my first dd, i used the dog's flexi lead to allow her more freedom. T'was great. DD2 however, was a different kettle of fish and would not have tolerated reins (or any other form of restraint).

Troels · 11/09/2018 22:28

I used them with two of my three, both very fast bolters no matter what, they would hold hands and still managed to wriggle free and bolt. Better on reins than under a car or lost forever.

IHopeYouStepOnALegoPiece · 11/09/2018 22:29

I’m a nanny and it is non negotiable that reins are used when I deem necessary. I’m a big advocate of reins!

Both v pink but hopefully some use to someone!

£4.99

AnneWiddecombesHandbag · 11/09/2018 22:31

I use them. My ds2 seems to turn to liquid if he wants to get away from you. It's very difficult to get hold of him sometimes!! He likes to make a run for it as well so the reins are pretty essential.

BlackeyedSusan · 11/09/2018 22:33

Test. Better kept safe than in an accident.

Nimmykins · 11/09/2018 22:36

I had my Dad say the same things. I used a little life back pack with my daughter. She liked to run. Now at five she knows how far to go and where to stop.

LittleLionMansMummy · 11/09/2018 22:40

Never felt a need for them. Near roads our dc were told they either hold our hand or go in their buggy, no negotiation. I can see a use when you have several dc close in age.

chickenmayhem · 11/09/2018 22:42

Two of my three children have been the type to go from 0 - 60 and randomly throw themselves in the path of oncoming traffic with absolutely no warning whatsoever! It's a challenge to say the least! My middle boy was way too lazy and inactive to ever bother. I imagine that parents who are anti harness have probably been fortunate enough to produce children like him, rather than the former! My nearly two year old is a bloody nightmare! She is VERY independent, refuses to hold hands and is very fast ! She'll swing, hang, bite, twist and do anything in her power to escape a hand hold. I'm very aware that at times it looks like I'm dragging her when in fact it's her swinging ! She is a dream in a harness. It gives her the sense of independence she loves and is much safer when she tries to leg it. She also quite likes being a dog tbh. We have two and she gets their leads and harnesses and then her own when we all go out for a walk, ha ha. She loves it ! don't think they work for every child but they can be a real life saver.

I think people that object to them have probably been lucky enough to produce compliant children and never had the pleasure of parenting a runner !

Butteredparsn1ps · 11/09/2018 22:45

Just wanted to agree with this Nothing like a dog, my dogs so much better behaved.

movinonup · 11/09/2018 22:46

I had this when DD was small and I was pregnant with DS.
Local busybody stopped me in the post office and said ''I don't believe in children on reins, It's like having a dog on a lead''
I replied
''Well I don't believe in children under buses so mind your own fucking business bitch''

I shouldn't have sworn and called her names and I feel like I made a bit of a show of myself, But I was very hormonal.

Pimmsypimms · 11/09/2018 22:47

I’ll admit, when I had my dd, I really didn’t like them and thought they were unnecessary, however, when I had my ds, there were a lifesaver, probably literally!
My ds was a runner and this way he could walk, but I had the control, which I definitely needed!!

WorraLiberty · 11/09/2018 22:48

So if you put a baby in a cot it can't get out of, that's like putting a rabbit in a hutch?

Stupid woman

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