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Original poster

DP ex stops him seeing his son

276 replies

stressedcatt · 11/09/2018 12:53

Hello, hopefully this won't be long but we are in dire need of some advice.
My DP has a 4yr old son who he hasn't managed to see for over a year.
We've been to a solicitor but there wasn't much help they could provide. Ex has moved house, changed number, blocked us on FB, don't have any contact details for other family members. What on earth are we supposed to do?? He's painfully aware this could be the 2nd Christmas without seeing his boy. He could be dead and we wouldn't know?! What can we do wise MN!

OP posts:
Original poster
stressedcatt · 11/09/2018 14:34

Yeah I have seen her and seen her new partner but no haven't approached her.
My DP has seen them once and did go up to her, she screamed for help and ran off
He has seen DS once which was last October and he went up to him, we don't know who he was with but he was told to get away, the person (guessing granny) asked for help from the public as she was frightened

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 11/09/2018 14:34

Yep, I thought it would be him that told you it wasn’t his fault.

There is a history of domestic incidents betwee them. Go do the disclosure and there is nothing lost of there is nothing of note for you to be informed about.

But if they got on so well, why would she just disappear?

AlleyG · 11/09/2018 14:35

It was her partner who started on mine

That's as maybe but why did he "start on" your OH? And it doesn't sound like your OH just walked away like an adult but stood in the street fighting. Ugh.

She's not moved too far away as we see her in the town
Your OP made it sound like she's disappeared, very misleading.

I've witnessed them handing over the little boy before and nothing ever happened
Right, but he's not likely to punch her in the face for no reason during hand-over is he.

Doyoumind · 11/09/2018 14:35

As PPs have said, he can go to court without a solicitor. It needn't cost much. This has been the case the whole time. He's had a year to get this sorted. Chances are he will be having a Christmas without his son based on that alone. They aren't going to award Christmas to a dad who hasn't seen his DS in a year. It wouldn't be fair on the DS.

Nicknacky · 11/09/2018 14:35

Fucking hell, it gets worse with each post. Even granny is scared of him?!

AjasLipstick · 11/09/2018 14:35

You keep saying he can't afford court. A quick Google brought this up

www.advicenow.org.uk/guides/how-apply-court-order-about-arrangements-your-children-without-help-lawyer

Everything you need.

AjasLipstick · 11/09/2018 14:36

And this bit is important

Legal aid is still available to pay for family mediation. Eligibility for legal aid depends on your financial circumstances. You can check if you are financially eligible for legal aid here: Check if you can get legal aid

AjasLipstick · 11/09/2018 14:37

And let me tell you this OP.

A decent man....one who loves his child would do ANYTHING to gain rightful access. Including wading through all the forms on that link I gave you.

If you show your partner this and he does nothing, then dump him and run. Seriously.

AlleyG · 11/09/2018 14:37

He has seen DS once which was last October and he went up to him, we don't know who he was with but he was told to get away, the person (guessing granny) asked for help from the public as she was frightened

Massive alarm bells and red flags everywhere. OP, you need to find out what went on.

Original poster
stressedcatt · 11/09/2018 14:38

I'm aware legal aid is still there but we were told as there's no evidence she's done any of this to stop him seeing his son then it may take weeks or months to get legal aid cover

OP posts:
RomanyRoots · 11/09/2018 14:38

Gosh he's done something OP, time to run for the hills.
you nothing about him if you don't know why he can't see his child and his ex is threatening Police.
i've known people be married for years, one partner dies and the other uncovers a whole secret world.
it isn't that rare you know.

Nicknacky · 11/09/2018 14:38

So why didn’t he start the ball rolling last year?!

AlleyG · 11/09/2018 14:39

This has been the case the whole time. He's had a year to get this sorted
Completely agree.

AjasLipstick · 11/09/2018 14:39

We were told there's no evidence she's done any of this to stop him seeing his son then it may take weeks or months to get legal aid cover

Who told you that?

AjasLipstick · 11/09/2018 14:40

Do you have your own children OP?

Original poster
stressedcatt · 11/09/2018 14:40

The family law solicitor that we went to see

OP posts:
AjasLipstick · 11/09/2018 14:41

Well what was wrong with waiting weeks or months? Why didn't you get the ball rolling then?

Peace425 · 11/09/2018 14:41

Maybe his ex is a psycho, but you only have his side of the story. He could be telling you lots of lies and painting himself as the victim. Some of the information you have related does not add up.

I would be wary. Take your time in this relationship - don't do anything like move in with him. You need to find out more, from other sources.

If he really is the victim here, my first thought was that the kids are often hurt most when they feel a parent has abandoned them. He needs to keep trying to get in touch with his kid - not by texting or hassling his wife, but in a non-confrontational, kind way. He needs to send birthday and Christmas cards and presents, even if they get rejected (if he knows where they live?), as well as seeking some legal action.

Queenofthestress · 11/09/2018 14:42

I can 100% say without a doubt that I think your partners done something. No family member would react like that when in public without a good reason to.

Original poster
stressedcatt · 11/09/2018 14:42

No I don't have children.
Yea I'm aware he should have done something sooner, he didn't do anything about it last year as he has had a lot of on going family problems
He thought eventually she would just get back in touch or somebody would know by now where they have gone

OP posts:
eelbecomingforyou · 11/09/2018 14:43

exes new partner and mine had a wee scuffle

You're minimising. All these repercussions wouldn;t come from a 'wee scuffle'

It was her partner who started on mine
Of course he said that!

And your partner isn't working Hmm So presumably he's not paying child maintenance??

You're just coming up with excuse after excuse. Sounds like your partner can't be arsed to see his child. He could have googled ways to do it.

Steelesauce · 11/09/2018 14:43

Is he paying for his child? My advice is he gets a job, saves up and applies through court. Oh and that there are 2 sides to every story, don't just believe his.

RomanyRoots · 11/09/2018 14:43

I have to ask OP, why the "we" with respect you are absolutely nothing to do with this.
Your partner is doing nothing to see his child, this should be enough.
or you could want to be in the same position as his ex and granny in a few years time.

Why do women never see the red flags, or listen to others. Then weep and wail when history repeats itself. Are they just dim or do they think it won't happen to them.

Nicknacky · 11/09/2018 14:43

Op, do you not think it’s odd (to say the least!) that granny reacted like that?

RollingDoughnut · 11/09/2018 14:44

Please listen to NickNacky OP, go get the DV disclosure from the police and get yourself informed of all the relevent facts.

He doesn't sound like much of a catch tbh with the unemployment and the apathy about acting on this and the violence - "wee scuffle" or not

Look after yourself, all the best