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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP ex stops him seeing his son

276 replies

stressedcatt · 11/09/2018 12:53

Hello, hopefully this won't be long but we are in dire need of some advice.
My DP has a 4yr old son who he hasn't managed to see for over a year.
We've been to a solicitor but there wasn't much help they could provide. Ex has moved house, changed number, blocked us on FB, don't have any contact details for other family members. What on earth are we supposed to do?? He's painfully aware this could be the 2nd Christmas without seeing his boy. He could be dead and we wouldn't know?! What can we do wise MN!

OP posts:
YippeeKayakOtherBuckets · 13/09/2018 17:03

I imagine if they want you to go in to the station then they have some things to tell you.

Original poster
stressedcatt · 13/09/2018 17:07

@MyCatIsBonkers I was talking about her partner!

OP posts:
MorningsEleven · 13/09/2018 17:08

My goodness! He's got more tales than Jackanory.

HairyAntoinette · 13/09/2018 17:45

I have MH problems. I also left my husband with help from women's aid and a MARAC was put in place. Although charges were never made... Anyone know if this would show up in disclosure?

He has a new gf.

Until very recently if you'd seen Mendoza handover you'd have seen me smile... As most women know - don't antagonise angry men.

I'm completely bonkers... Although far more so in his presence!

Good luck with the police OP.

ponderingonthings · 13/09/2018 17:59

MARAC is what is used for Claire's law I think so yes

MyCatIsBonkers · 13/09/2018 18:15

@MyCatIsBonkers I was talking about her partner!

So you were. Sorry about that. I misread it.

If you were my daughter though, I'd still be telling you not to get involved in this mess. You sound like a caring person but you can't rescue people like this.

PenguinBollard · 13/09/2018 18:18

Just tread carefully OP, there's a fair few red flags here

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 13/09/2018 20:26

I think you have done the right thing making enquiries.

ReanimatedSGB · 13/09/2018 23:26

If what the police tell you is something that's documented incidents of violent, abusive or threatening behaviour from this man, please accept this and dump the fucker before he impregnates you and progresses to terrorizing you and your child. RIght now you are in a good position to get rid of him.

PerverseConverse · 14/09/2018 07:13

Hope you get some answers today OP.

ChiaraRimini · 14/09/2018 07:40

You've done the right thing to contact the police OP, hope you get some answers.

Butterymuffin · 14/09/2018 07:53

So what actually happens when his ex calls the police? And why does this threat scare him off? Because in his shoes I'd be saying 'go ahead, call them, I'm not threatening you or doing anything wrong, I just want to see my son and you're stopping me, so let's get the police round and sort it all out'. What is your partner actually doing when this happens?

Original poster
stressedcatt · 14/09/2018 14:39

She's phoned them twice a week at the end of July
First time they said they wouldn't do anything as there is no court order, they can't do anything. The next time they pursuaded my DP to bring DS to his mum as she was in their words "getting in a state" I was with my DP at the time the police visited him, they escorted behind him to make sure he did take DS home.
She's phoned the police after that and said he was harassing her, theywent to DP house and said to stay away

OP posts:
SuckOnTHATRyan · 14/09/2018 14:50

they escorted behind him to make sure he did take DS home.
She's phoned the police after that and said he was harassing her, theywent to DP house and said to stay away

I’m sorry to say that this doesn’t sound good to me op. Why do you think the police followed him? What did they think he might do instead of just taking his ds to his mum? And why do you think they asked him to stay away? Because his ex has mh problems? Nope. This is ringing so many alarm bells to me. What have the police said now? Weren’t you using Claire’s law to get more info?

LeftRightCentre · 14/09/2018 15:41

So what did the police say when you went in to speak with them?

Chapterandverse · 14/09/2018 16:03

Have you been in to see the police yet OP?

MyShinyWhiteTeeth · 14/09/2018 16:46

In my experience in England, the police can take a few days to get back to you sometimes. It depends on how much a threat there is.

I think it's really clear that your boyfriend isn't telling you the whole story. There was obviously more that went on.

Have you ever thought your boyfriend has acted shifty, things not really adding up or have you doubted what he's said? Have you caught him out in a lie and he's turned it on you as if you misheard or misinterpreted what he said? Does he ever overreact if he thinks you query him and start ranting about not being a liar when no one has made that accusation?

It was over a year before I first realised my ex was not being 100% honest with me. It took more years to fully acknowledge just how much of a liar he is. I will never find out the full truth and know it's true. There have been too many lies.

Haireverywhere · 14/09/2018 16:52

I'm confused.

You said the police want to talk to you. So you're not waiting for them to get back to you, they are waiting for you to go in right?

Weren’t you using Claire’s Law to get details of any offences?

insideoutsider · 15/09/2018 20:18

I wonder what the police said to the poor OP since she hasn't returned.

mishfish · 15/09/2018 20:38

Hope you’re ok op.

Haireverywhere · 15/09/2018 22:58

We're here OP. Do hope you are OK.

GeorgePorge · 17/09/2018 11:00

What did the police say when you went in to see them, OP?

Original poster
stressedcatt · 22/09/2018 19:01

I totally forgot about this thread!! Thank you to everyone for their nice comments. I did go into the police station, apparently it was just to tell me that they had no information to tell me Confused
They said they will only disclose info about him if they deem him to b a risk and they dont.
I actually bumped into his ex earlier today which is what reminded me about the thread. I stupidly asked her if he was violent towards her she said no but now looking back she may not have been telling the truth.
Said to her that DP has some presents for DS, she Said ram it Confused

OP posts:
Haireverywhere · 23/09/2018 13:40

Good to see your update.

I still think he should be doing the chasing not just you. I think your gut is telling you there's more to the story.

ZorbaTheHoarder · 23/09/2018 13:44

Hi OP,
When you bumped into his ex, did you not take the opportunity to ask her why she wouldn't let him see his son?
Seems like you missed a chance to get some answers...
Hope all goes well.