DP ex stops him seeing his son

[stressedcatt]

Hello, hopefully this won't be long but we are in dire need of some advice.
My DP has a 4yr old son who he hasn't managed to see for over a year.
We've been to a solicitor but there wasn't much help they could provide. Ex has moved house, changed number, blocked us on FB, don't have any contact details for other family members. What on earth are we supposed to do?? He's painfully aware this could be the 2nd Christmas without seeing his boy. He could be dead and we wouldn't know?! What can we do wise MN!

In the nicest possible way OP this is none of your business. He needs to put the work in and seeing a solicitor one time, doesn’t cut it. I see no point in speculating what has happened but I’d expect a lot more action from him.

Read up in family law in a fairly major way

Amazon have a gazillions
If books and many are second hand

Read up and start to inform yourself as to the law and what legal redress he has

I think that’s a good
Place to start

And don’t have a child or establish formal links until you know
More

I may have missed it, but were the two £140 transfers that he sent after she ceased contact? Had he ever tried to send any maintenance before at all?

I imagine it could be seen by a victim of abuse as a way of him establishing some control over her. In that circumstance, I might move bank accounts too.

Not saying that's what's happened OP, or that your DH is abusive. But I think you're wise to check out the Scottish version of Claire's law. I'm sending you my best wishes that nothing comes up.

He used to send maintenance payments through the bank as then there was a record of her getting the payment instead of doing cash in hand

*Read up in family law in a fairly major way

Amazon have a gazillions
If books and many are second hand

Read up and start to inform yourself as to the law and what legal redress he has

I think that’s a good
Place to start*

I think that's an awful place to start and exactly what he wants... a little woman to do the legwork for him so he can claim he's bothered. OP just don't... and see what he actually does. Don't kid yourself that manipulating you into doing it means he cares... it means he cannot be arsed to take responsibility towards a child he created

How did you get on with the police last night, OP?

Get your partner to go to the police and create a missing person report, there was a gentleman on reported missing last week who did this, granted his report didn’t turn out the way he wanted and the woman was sent to prison

I would be careful op. Yes there are woman out there that unreasonably stop contact. But phoning the police/changing nursery/ moving house all sounds a bit extreme.

Hi OP

I think you are struggling to take all of this on board because as you say, you feel you know him.

@Feefeetrixabelle is right. Present him with the advice on legal action here and then WATCH AND WAIT.

If you are experiencing hardship the court fees can sometimes be waived. There is really no reason for your DP not to have pursued this far earlier. He needs to get moving now as the longer he waits the more problems he will have. Are you sure he isn't making the application because he knows there are good reasons it might be refused?

OP can I suggest you apply to Police Scotland for a Disclosure ( Clare’s Law) . This will alert you to any history of Donestic Abuse . I was very concerned about DD’s new BF a couple of years ago ; similar situation in that he hadn’t seen his child for years as his ex had “ disappeared “ and was a vindictive cow etcetc . The truth was very different.

I went to the police and they should get back to me later today

ponderingonthings

I meant him not her . She asked for him

Always surprises me when people ask for family law advice in here rather than doing the research themselves

@stressedcatt that's great, it gives you more information so you have a clearer picture Scott the situation and your next move. Even if they have no concerns support him by all means, but he needs to be doing the lion's share of the running around, paperwork etc. I'm sure if it comes to it his DS would like to hear it was his father who made the effort to find him.

You've been with him 19 months, and don't live with him.

With all due respect, you know nothing about this man, except what he's told you.

Hope the police can shed some light for you. I agree that there can be vindictive ex's out there but this just feels like more than that to me - all sorts of alarm bells are chiming.

Glad to see you have gone to the police. Men always butter up information to suit themselves. Alarm bells are ringing about him so take a step back and do some fishing around and double check anything as the way she's reacting isn't a normal reaction from just a bitter ex there's a reason why, so protect yourself before any babes turn up. Just keep your wits about you.

Good luck, OP. If the police have something horrible to tell you, at least you don't share a home with this wanker so you can just inform him, by text, that he's dumped and is not to contact you again.

I'm aware he could just be keeping stuff from me or making it seem like she's the bad guy but he can't speak more highly of her, nor can his family so I genuinely don't understand.
I don't want to contact her as I know she will not talk to me no matter what

There’s some helpful advice here:

childlawadvice.org.uk/information-pages/contact/

OP I think you may have left the child's name in your last post.

I've reported it.

Suggest you do the same.

Op you need to report your post and ask MNHQ to remove the child’s name

Why are you making a residence application? You should just be appealing to the mother for contact at this point. Legal aid fund that.

Just quickly going to point out that maintenance going through bank transfer is normal! I’m sure some people do it in cash but that’s not standard. If he’s telling you he only did it through the bank so there was record of it he’s trying to make it sound like she’d pretend he never gave her anything when really it’s just the usual way of doing it!