Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have told a woman with her kids to mind her own business

455 replies

Woolythoughts · 10/09/2018 08:38

Travelling on a train, sat at a table of four seats. Opposite me was a woman with one of her kids and her other one was next to me. Once next to her was a toddler and the one next to me probably about 6/7.

I was happily sitting there watching a box set on the ipad with head phones in. US drama with bits of violence (guns, shooting, fights etc) and a bit of sex (Homeland for those who know it).

She asked me if I could turn it off as it was unsuitable for her son sitting next to me to watch it. I think he'd been watching the screen and made some comment to his mother from what I could gather when I took my headphones out.

Told her not a chance as it was not my problem.

Then, about 20 minutes left to go, was killing time playing candy crush - again with head phones on.

This time she asked me not to as her kids wanted to play it and she didn't allow it and it would upset them.

At that point I politely suggested she pay more attention to what her kids were doing and less to what I was doing and I'd do what I wanted.

She seemed to think I should modify my behaviour because of her parenting choices.

OP posts:
PorkFlute · 10/09/2018 09:31

If there are 2 people fucking on an IPad on a table in front of a 6 year old I think it’s a bit of a stretch to say the op was in the right and the 6yo in the wrong for not averting their eyes!!!

ThreeAnkleBiters · 10/09/2018 09:32

By the time mum has swapped seats with him he's already seen the sex and violence though. Also a 6 year old and toddler are going to be a right pain and the toddler sitting next to each other. Surely it's not that big a deal to just watch something else when you're in a public area?

whosafraidofabigduckfart · 10/09/2018 09:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ThreeAnkleBiters · 10/09/2018 09:32

If there are 2 people fucking on an IPad on a table in front of a 6 year old I think it’s a bit of a stretch to say the op was in the right and the 6yo in the wrong for not averting their eyes!!!

Definitely this!

Honflyr · 10/09/2018 09:32

The poor poster didn’t want the sun running her viewing the poor pet😒 by turning it away.

And why couldn't the mum be a mum and sheild her precious child from the iPad if it was that much of an issue for her?

LifeHackQueens · 10/09/2018 09:35

Ywbu to have Homeland on. CandyCrush wouldn't be such an unreasonable option imo.

5000KallaxHoles · 10/09/2018 09:37

If there are 2 people fucking on an IPad on a table

Is it wrong I read that and totally thought that you were going to need some screen cleaning wipes to get the buttock marks off the iPad screen?!

I do think the OP is more than a bit unreasonable for watching something adult in nature and not being able to angle the screen away to prevent a child viewing it. I tend to confine myself to something mindless and not dodgy looking to bystanders if I'm watching box sets on my tablet in a public area.

Kokeshi123 · 10/09/2018 09:37

It's not just about children, either. You shouldn't have sex or violence on screen where any strangers can see it. Because other people may not wish to see that.

Screens evoke an "orienting response" which makes them very hard to ignore. It's actually very similar to noise pollution and should be treated in the same way IMO.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Orienting_response

PorkFlute · 10/09/2018 09:37

I actually think the Candy Crush thing may have been added to make the op seem reasonable. As a pp said if you refused to turn off the sex and violence no-one would expect you to turn off a game at their request!
It’s the op that seems entitled to me. So many people seem to think they can do what they like on public transport and others should just suck it up. Be that stinking, talking loudly on the phone, watching fucking on an iPad!
If you’re in a public space you need to have some consideration for the people around you and not behave as you would if you were in your own home.

ThreeAnkleBiters · 10/09/2018 09:37

And why couldn't the mum be a mum and sheild her precious child from the iPad if it was that much of an issue for her?

Because he'd already seen the sex and violence and because she had another young child with her. Come on people not wanting your 6 year old to watch sex scenes on public transport doesn't make you a hysterical, pearl clutching helicopter parent! I wouldn't take my kid into the pub on a Friday night and demand everyone stops swearing but I would expect to be able to get on a train without shielding his eyes from sex and violence!

ThreeAnkleBiters · 10/09/2018 09:39

I actually think the Candy Crush thing may have been added to make the op seem reasonable.

I definitely agree. If someone refuses to turn off a violent/sexual show why would you even bother asking them to stop playing a harmless game?

PorkFlute · 10/09/2018 09:39

And yes I’d have swapped seats with the child but wouldn’t be happy that they’d already seen adult material.

fairislecable · 10/09/2018 09:42

My daughter when in her twenties was going for an interview which involved a long train journey.

I loaned her my iPod with an audible book to listen to.

She said she felt so embarrassed listening to sexual content in public as she felt it would upset the other people on the train.

The book was On Chesil Beach, and yes she was using headphones.

So YWBU as she would not have felt comfortable sitting next to you!

AllesAusLiebe · 10/09/2018 09:43

whosafraidofabigduckfart fair enough but my point is that i don’t think it’s reasonable to expect everywhere to be so child-centric.

It would never occur to me to think about what I was watching on a personal device because I wouldn’t anticipate that anyone else would be that interested in what I’m doing. Maybe the onus should be on the parent to tell the child not to be rude and stop looking over the OP’s shoulder.

RiverTam · 10/09/2018 09:44

TV show YABU and you sound pretty selfish on that score.
Candy Crush YANBU, if it happened.

missperegrinespeculiar · 10/09/2018 09:44

sorry, YWBU, not appropriate for a train, especially if you had iPad on the table, bit hard to avoid seeing it, as for the 6year old being responsible for averting his gaze, seriously?! he is 6!!

how would you feel if a guy had porn on his iPad on the table while sitting next to you? you may be ok with it, I don't know, I would not, and I bet a lot of posters wouldn't either

candy crush, if it is true, then you are right

WorraLiberty · 10/09/2018 09:44

I actually think the Candy Crush thing may have been added to make the op seem reasonable

That would make more sense, yes.

RebeccaBunchLawyer · 10/09/2018 09:45

Maybe you could’ve angled the screen away from the child, but if not comfortable for you, why the f should you? Why couldn’t the mother either swap with her offspring if she was so worried about it seeing the offending content, or erm, entertained her offspring herself?!

And for a PP who said it’s normal to watch others’ iPads on the train, don’t be a nosey bugger and you surely won’t be offended then.

PorkFlute · 10/09/2018 09:47

Really it’s on a child not to look at an iPad right in front of them? So I suppose someone would be fine to sit next to them flicking through a porno mag as well since it would be really bad manners for the child to look at it!
Most adults would have the common sense not to watch people fucking on an iPad when sitting next to a 6 year old. That’s not being ‘child centric’ it’s being a decent person. No-one’s suggesting you need to put CBeebies on - just not people shagging!

ThreeAnkleBiters · 10/09/2018 09:48

AllesAusLiebe

Not displaying sex scenes in public doesn't make a place child centric - no one is saying OP should give the child the iPad to watch disney films! Public transport should be suitable for children.

If someone is watching something on a screen it's going to be impossible for even an adult to never get a glimpse of it. I'm sure you wouldn't like someone watching hardcore porn right next to you?

ThirdChildFourthPile · 10/09/2018 09:48

I believe the OP ask much, my believe eyes fell out of my head, rolled around in the dust and crawled up my Believe Butt hole and threw a Believe Party.

PorkFlute · 10/09/2018 09:48

And I agree an adult would be able to look away if they didn’t like the offending content but it’s a bit much to ask of a 6yr old who won’t even understand it’s inappropriate for them.

flamingofridays · 10/09/2018 09:51

op wasn't playing homeland on a big screen with sound blaring out though, she was watching it on a small private screen with headphones, hardly anti social!

mydogishot · 10/09/2018 09:52

Everyone seems to think homeland is just constantly sex. It isn't. It does have a lot of swearing but op had headphones. Unless the kid could lipread...

OoohSmooch · 10/09/2018 09:52

I wouldn’t have put on an unsuitable box set with a child next to me. If she’d asked me to turn it off I’d have been understanding
But then again I’m not a dick

^ I beg to differ 😂

You had earphones on, the parent should have given her child something else to occupy themselves with or swap seats if it bothered her so much. I'd never ask a stranger to watch something different if my little one could see it. That parent is an entitled idiot and I hope never to meet another like her!