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AIBU?

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Original poster

To have told a woman with her kids to mind her own business

455 replies

Woolythoughts · 10/09/2018 08:38

Travelling on a train, sat at a table of four seats. Opposite me was a woman with one of her kids and her other one was next to me. Once next to her was a toddler and the one next to me probably about 6/7.

I was happily sitting there watching a box set on the ipad with head phones in. US drama with bits of violence (guns, shooting, fights etc) and a bit of sex (Homeland for those who know it).

She asked me if I could turn it off as it was unsuitable for her son sitting next to me to watch it. I think he'd been watching the screen and made some comment to his mother from what I could gather when I took my headphones out.

Told her not a chance as it was not my problem.

Then, about 20 minutes left to go, was killing time playing candy crush - again with head phones on.

This time she asked me not to as her kids wanted to play it and she didn't allow it and it would upset them.

At that point I politely suggested she pay more attention to what her kids were doing and less to what I was doing and I'd do what I wanted.

She seemed to think I should modify my behaviour because of her parenting choices.

OP posts:
Original poster
Woolythoughts · 10/09/2018 09:18

I'll get flamed for this but I like table seats as you can put your tablet/pc on it and a drink without being squished.

I hate people sitting at table seats who don't use the table - looking at the morning commuters who just go to sleep at the table!

OP posts:
Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 10/09/2018 09:18

I don't think it is appropriate to be watching sexual or violent content when you know a young child can also see it.

However it would be unreasonable to ask someone not to play a harmless game. And bizarre to ask this of someone who has already refused to stop watching sexual and violent content within view of your 6 year old.

PorkFlute · 10/09/2018 09:19

Well I’d have just swapped seats with my child as op have said but I agree that you probably put yourself in a dangerous situation legally if you were watching sex scenes on public transport where a child could clearly see your screen... so I think you were unreasonable to do that.
As for can you not play Candy Crush the mum was being v unreasonable.

whosafraidofabigduckfart · 10/09/2018 09:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HermioneGoesBackHome · 10/09/2018 09:21

Looking at the ratings, it’s a 17+ so I can see how someone could think it’s unsuitable for a 6yo to watch!
However, the mother should have tried to swap seats etc.. I certainly wouldn’t have accepted to have my child still seated for another 30mins (??) watching violence and sex if that was such an issue for her.
As for candy crush....

PlinkPlink · 10/09/2018 09:21

I can understand the tv show to an extent.

However, Candy Crush? Because your little darlings want to play it and you don't let them?

No, I think you were right to say what you said. You didn't sit next to them, they sat next to you. You didn't disturb them. You should be free to do what you wish on your tablet/phone.

mydogishot · 10/09/2018 09:21

You know the saying it takes a village? Well that includes random people in train to help raise and shield my kids. She was v v u

I personally would've laughed at her then, said whilst staring at her, it needs to be on to keep my Tourette's in check. So lady, choose your battle.

AllesAusLiebe · 10/09/2018 09:23

Sorry, don’t understand the outrage. I don’t see how what an individual chooses to watch on an iPad (crucially, with headphones in) becomes anyone else’s business. If the OP had the sound turned up with audible sex scenes, people being maimed etc, then that would be different, but she didn’t.

YWNBU, OP. In fact, much more gracious than I would have been in a similar situation by even acknowledging the complaining woman!

Ohluckyme · 10/09/2018 09:23

She sounds like a helicopter mum! Yuk. People fuss over their children far too much

PorkFlute · 10/09/2018 09:24

Actually thinking about it I’d be absolutely raging if someone was thought it appropriate to watch sex scenes while sitting next to my child. Surely they have a right to sit on a bus without being exposed to that. And by the time the mum can do anything about it the child will have already seen more than they should.
Watch what you like at home op but when travelling on public transport you need to have some thought for the people around you. Would you have sat next t a child swearing or talking in detail about a steamy sex session on the phone? Who knows maybe you would...

whosafraidofabigduckfart · 10/09/2018 09:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Honflyr · 10/09/2018 09:26

And the same goes for books and papers - no Fifty Shades of Grey or page 3, for example.

I get p.3, but why no 50 Shades? It's hardly got any pictures in it has it!

YANBU. Her kid was being nosey and she should have been entertaining them and telling them not to watch your screen. Her problem, not yours.

PorkFlute · 10/09/2018 09:26

Ok so it seems some people are happy for their 6yos to view sex scenes so long as the sound is off???

marvellousnightforamooncup · 10/09/2018 09:26

At first I was on your side but as ThreeAnkleBiters stated up thread, I wouldn't be happy if someone was watching a porno next to me on a train. Would you be happy watching GOT next to a 6 year old?

You do have to moderate your behaviour in public spaces and try not to offend other people. Maybe a podcast or audiobook on your headphones would be a better choice next time.

BigBlueBubble · 10/09/2018 09:26

YANBU to suit yourself and not obey the commands of a random on the train.

AnnieAnoniMoose · 10/09/2018 09:26

She could have swapped seats with her child.

Dd you hold your ipad or leave it on the table?

MsHopey · 10/09/2018 09:27

I don't know a 6 yo and toddler who'd sit together and behave. It's probably why the seating plan was set out like it was. I agree candy crush was out of order. But sex and violence could trigger things for adults as well and probably isn't the right choice for public transport.

Honflyr · 10/09/2018 09:27

do they let their young children watch age inappropriate stuff eg let 6 year olds watch 18 year old films

No. But this woman hardly sat them down like they were at the cinema. The kid was watching her screen. The kid was the wrong in the wrong, and the mum for not swapping seats with them so they couldn't be nosey.

whosafraidofabigduckfart · 10/09/2018 09:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Honflyr · 10/09/2018 09:28

but sex and violence could trigger things for adults

Yeah but if you were an adult who was triggered by that sort of thing, you would have the common sense to not be sitting there covertly trying to watch someone else's iPad.

MrsBlaidd · 10/09/2018 09:28

You're out of order watching something aimed at adults in public. It's not reasonable to expose anyone to images that are explicit or violent, especially when you're on a very noticeable large tablet. If you're entitled to watch what you want does that mean it's fine for another adult to take their 12 inch tablet on the train and watch hardcore porn because it's their device and no one should be watching?

However the candy crush request is so pathetic it doesn't even seem real. I cannot imagine anyone entitled enough to ask an adult not to play games on their own device so the woman was clearly unreasonable.

POPholditdown · 10/09/2018 09:28

LoisWilkerson1 Grin Grinyou beat me to it! I was going to say the same about the first poster calling op a dick

I don’t think yabu OP, she could have swapped seats with him atleast.

AllesAusLiebe · 10/09/2018 09:30

whosafraidofabigduckfart no, but the OP wasn’t watching a pornographic movie going, “here, watch this!” to the child next to her. She was trying to watch a TV show on an iPad in peace with headphones in.

I’m a big football fan. I’ll take my son to games when he’s 6 and he’ll hear swearing. I won’t expect the entire stand of people to modify their behaviour, just because I’ve turned up with my precious child. I’ll tell him not to repeat what he hears and focus on watching the football.

whosafraidofabigduckfart · 10/09/2018 09:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

5000KallaxHoles · 10/09/2018 09:31

Had one yesterday at swimming - the parent in question is generally insipid as fuck with a really loud passive-aggressive voice so my tolerance is minimal anyway.

The kids are in different classes so DD1 was playing on her tablet while DD2 was having her lesson.

Mega theatrical insipid mother shows up with her toddler in tow... toddler sees DD1's tablet and starts going absolutely ballistic that he wants it and he wants to play it. We have a whole half hour of screaming toddler interspersed with "Darling no you can't have that thing the big girl's playing with, you know I don't like you to use those ghastly things and it's really really unfair she's playing that in front of you making you very sad, I don't know why parents let their children play those in front of other children who aren't allowed screen time..."

Then she gave up - handed toddler her phone, coupled with lots of screeched (really really shrill loud voice) "Now you be careful with that darling because it's mummy's phone and I've only given it to you as you've been so distressed by that awful family letting their child upset you with that thing you're not allowed.... oh no you need to jump there darling... are you ready 1 2 3 .... jump.... jump!"

This woman has the most annoying voice ever normally and has managed to drag out performance parenting unpeeling a satsuma for 10 minutes in this really really shrill overly projected voice that if it gets much higher would only be audible to dogs - but the tablet performance was absolutely a new one.

The child not swimming has sat playing on a tablet for the last year's worth of swimming lessons and then they've swapped over - this is not a new event, and was not the only child sat there unreasonably playing on one and upsetting poor snookums.