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AIBU?

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Original poster

To have told a woman with her kids to mind her own business

455 replies

Woolythoughts · 10/09/2018 08:38

Travelling on a train, sat at a table of four seats. Opposite me was a woman with one of her kids and her other one was next to me. Once next to her was a toddler and the one next to me probably about 6/7.

I was happily sitting there watching a box set on the ipad with head phones in. US drama with bits of violence (guns, shooting, fights etc) and a bit of sex (Homeland for those who know it).

She asked me if I could turn it off as it was unsuitable for her son sitting next to me to watch it. I think he'd been watching the screen and made some comment to his mother from what I could gather when I took my headphones out.

Told her not a chance as it was not my problem.

Then, about 20 minutes left to go, was killing time playing candy crush - again with head phones on.

This time she asked me not to as her kids wanted to play it and she didn't allow it and it would upset them.

At that point I politely suggested she pay more attention to what her kids were doing and less to what I was doing and I'd do what I wanted.

She seemed to think I should modify my behaviour because of her parenting choices.

OP posts:
ThreeAnkleBiters · 10/09/2018 10:04

My point about everything needing to be child centric is that sometimes children have to learn that adults are allowed to do things and make decisions that they aren’t. It’s a life lesson that will never be learned if every single public area is sanitised in case there are kids around.

You're misusing the word child centric. Being child centric means everything is arranged with the child in mind. This isn't what anyone is saying. A public place needs to be appropriate for children. There are plenty of private spaces or adult centric places which don't need to be appropriate for children. It's really not that difficult not to watch explicit material in public. I'm surprised that anyone really finds it that difficult just to not watch explicit material while in public. You're not entitled to do anything you want all the time.

Furiosa · 10/09/2018 10:04

Nah...

PorkFlute · 10/09/2018 10:04

Yes she could have moved but the op had already exposed a 6 yo to sexual content at that point! I’m aghast that so many parents would be ok about that!

flamingofridays · 10/09/2018 10:05

Yes she could have moved but the op had already exposed a 6 yo to sexual content at that point! I’m aghast that so many parents would be ok about that!

you make it sound like she invited a child to watch hard porn with her!

watching a tv show on an ipad with headphones is not exposing a child to anything!

ThreeAnkleBiters · 10/09/2018 10:06

flamingofridays

I don't think anyone thinks an iPad placed on a shared table is a private place. You couldn't use it to send confidential emails and you shouldn't watch explicit material on it. According to you it would be fine if someone watched hardcore porn on their iPad next to you on the train because its a private space.

whosafraidofabigduckfart · 10/09/2018 10:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

flamingofridays · 10/09/2018 10:08

I do anklebiters or do I not count?

I would use it to send confidential emails because I wouldn't expect a 6yo to be looking at it!

no it wouldn't, because that is entirely different isn't it. if you cant understand that then you clearly have issues.

ElBandito · 10/09/2018 10:08

I’m interested to know where the line is drawn between ok and not ok to watch around children for posters who think watching Homeland is ok but porn isn’t.

flamingofridays · 10/09/2018 10:08

why would I argue it in court when Op hasn't done anything criminal? Hmm

JustJoinedRightNow · 10/09/2018 10:09

I used to watch True Blood on my phone on the bus on the way to work, felt so embarrassed I had to bend over the screen so no one else saw what I was watching and thought I was dirty!

I think the Mum was BU for asking you to stop watching your show. I think you could definitely angle it away from him, but if I was the Mum sitting with you, I would have stood a book up if I had one or put my coat on the table as a barrier so he stopped looking at it.

I’m also curious as to why people think you’re lying about the candy crush convo! Please tell me people so I can spot these fibs too!

lottiegarbanzo · 10/09/2018 10:09

I think this is an interesting one, because it's not necessarily obvious what the answer is.

A train carriage is a public space where children may be and often are present, especially during the day. So swearing is not ok, for example (whereas it would be fine in an adult space). Broadcasting adult-rated content, or showing it in a way that makes it impossible or difficult for others to avoid seeing - especially when you know a child is right next you - is not ok.

You can read what you like and look at what you like, discreetly. Playing even the most inoffensive music, in content terms, so that others can hear it, is not ok. It's a massive source of irritation, complaints and arguments amongst train passengers. So, similarly, screens that distract and annoy others - be that through intrusive bright light, or unavoidable unpleasant content, are not ok.

So I think the question is a practical one. Were you adequately discreet, or were you holding your screen in such a way that the child could not avoid seeing it, while seated and looking around (e.g. out of the window) normally?

Bearing in mind that screens are very visually distracting - attracting attention - even via peripheral vision, I think you would have had to make the content almost completely invisible to the child.

So, if you didn't do that I think YWBU.

I don't think the mother should have had to swap seats. She arranged her family that way for a reason. I don't think any passengers should have to move to avoid others' unreasonable public viewing or listening choices. This comes back to it not being an adult space.

She could have moved the dc but that would have been an act of ameliorating your unreasonableness.

PorkFlute · 10/09/2018 10:09

Putting an iPad with people having sex on it in front of a 6yo is illegal. It’s doesn’t matter if it’s not as bad as hard core porn. Showing a child hard core porn is arguably ‘not as bad’ as many other offences against children it doesn’t mean it’s ok.
Children have a right not to be exposed to sexual content by adults. The right of the op to watch that particular programme at that particular time doesn’t trump the law!

elkiedee · 10/09/2018 10:10

Anyone can book a table seat or several table seat(s) on trains where you can make seat reservations, eg London to Leeds or Manchester (and back) are the ones I've used most to visit family. You can't reserve seats on trains to Cambridge/King's Lynn though the journey to KL takes almost as long as Leeds for half the distance, or to Brighton or Deal - as far as I know the south east and East Anglia generally.

I empathise with the woman at OP's table although I don't think she was being entirely reasonable or that OP was unreasonable. Luckily for me I either travel alone or with my partner and 2 kids - with 4 of us I can book 4 seats round a table and we don't have anyone else sitting with us unless the trains are screwed up and we have to just sit wherever we can. Our worst experience as a family as 4 was being put in the quiet carriage (not asked for) when the kids were only about 2 and 4! If I'd been the other passengers who specifically booked there I would have hated us too!

I've always bought tickets (with a Railcard) for all of us even before DCs were 5 as that way I could get reserved seats for them. Before DS2 was born and we only needed 3 seats, I can remember secretly resenting people who had reserved the 4th seat and insisted on sitting there however they behaved - yes of course I was being unreasonable but this may be where the other woman on the train was really coming from - obviously she couldn't say that.

In that situation, if there are any remaining table seats on other tables next to adults, which are not covered by reservations, you could move and not worry about kids watching your TV series with violence and sex scenes, and also your drink would be safer. Failing that, I think it's possible to think that neither you wanting to watch your programme or the mum's concern about her child are totally unreasonable. The Candy Crush thing is ridiculous, but understandable!

flamingofridays · 10/09/2018 10:10

Putting an iPad with people having sex on it in front of a 6yo is illegal

except that's not what OP did is it?

SlartiAardvark · 10/09/2018 10:10

If my kid was being a rude little sod & staring at someone else's screen I'd do a bit of parenting & tell it to stop.

Because the world doesn't revolve around the wishes of children.

ThreeAnkleBiters · 10/09/2018 10:11

Flamingo

Well you're workplace wouldn't allow you to put confidential material on your screen in a public place (the clue is in the name).

Why is it not OK to watch hardcore porn on your iPad on a shared table since, according to you, it's a private place? No one will see your hardcore porno so why is it a problem to play it?

SlartiAardvark · 10/09/2018 10:13

The right of the op to watch that particular programme at that particular time doesn’t trump the law!

Ah, this is the law that's in your head right?? If it was I'm pretty sure the first thing any official would ask the parent is "why didn't you swap seats with your child thus removing them from the view of any offensive material" - but that wouldn't have allowed her to get red faced and outraged would it.......

It's really not that hard....

PorkFlute · 10/09/2018 10:13

Isn’t it flamingo? She knew the child could see it, she refused to restrict her view by angling it away from the child, the iPad was showing sexual scenes. How, in any definition of the law, is that not exposing a child to sexual content?

flamingofridays · 10/09/2018 10:14

confidential doesn't mean work related exclusively though does it? and I am not sure what you know about my workplace but i don't send anything confidential enough for it to be a breach if a 6yo saw it.

porn is entirely different to homeland.

you're generally watching porn for a reason, for pleasure, whatever, that's not why you're watching homeland is it?

if you honestly think homeland and porn are the same then there's no point me replying is there?

WindDoesNotBreakTheBendyTree · 10/09/2018 10:14

It's not illegal for a 6 year old to watch Homeland
It's broadcast media, after the watershed yes so parental advisory but not illegal for a child to watch it. I think Channel 4 would be in trouble if it were.

In OPs circs probably wouldn't have chosen to watch a programme with violent or sexual content if a child were peering over my shoulder, nonetheless.

Candy Crust -hahaha as if

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 10/09/2018 10:14

I'm with the majority (I think it's roughly a majority) on this: first example, YWBU, second SWBU.

Being aware of your surroundings and not watching sex and violence next to a 6 year old is just common sense.

'But it's my RIGHT to do it!' type arguments sound very hollow when it's sex/violence and a child, whatever the circumstances.

flamingofridays · 10/09/2018 10:14

she didn't invite/make the child watch it did she?

PorkFlute · 10/09/2018 10:15

Swapping seats with the child AFTER they have already been exposed to the explicit content doesn’t mean the op wouldn’t have still committed an offence.

whosafraidofabigduckfart · 10/09/2018 10:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SlartiAardvark · 10/09/2018 10:16

She could have moved the dc but that would have been an act of ameliorating your unreasonableness.

See, if you were sat near me I'd take the earphones out & put in on speakers.

Or develop Tourettes....

Just move your brat & haul your fat arse to a different seat - sorted!!!