To have told a woman with her kids to mind her own business

[Woolythoughts]

Travelling on a train, sat at a table of four seats. Opposite me was a woman with one of her kids and her other one was next to me. Once next to her was a toddler and the one next to me probably about 6/7.

I was happily sitting there watching a box set on the ipad with head phones in. US drama with bits of violence (guns, shooting, fights etc) and a bit of sex (Homeland for those who know it).

She asked me if I could turn it off as it was unsuitable for her son sitting next to me to watch it. I think he'd been watching the screen and made some comment to his mother from what I could gather when I took my headphones out.

Told her not a chance as it was not my problem.

Then, about 20 minutes left to go, was killing time playing candy crush - again with head phones on.

This time she asked me not to as her kids wanted to play it and she didn't allow it and it would upset them.

At that point I politely suggested she pay more attention to what her kids were doing and less to what I was doing and I'd do what I wanted.

She seemed to think I should modify my behaviour because of her parenting choices.

@DeadHerring but so if this is about whether the children happened to be looking rather than the fact the OP was watching, doesn’t that make the watershed redundant?

If the onus is always on the parent to ensure that they are in control of whether the child is watching something inappropriate, then there is surely also no need for shows such as homeland to be shown after the watershed as it’s not down to the television provider to ensure that children won’t be watching is it? Similarly cinemas etc needn’t have age limits on films as the onus is on the parent.

On this occasion it was more about a child happening to look at a screen while she was in a public place. But actually, if this had e.g. been about the same child going to the OP’s house for a play date and the OP watching homeland on her own television while the children were supposedly playing and them coming into the lounge and watching there would be outcry that an inappropriate programme was being shown on the OP’s television while the children were up and about and able to watch. nobody would be telling the OP that the parent was ridiculous to complain then or that the parent shouldn’t have sent her child to someone else’s house because they might see something inappropriate.

The reason why the watershed, age limits and recommendations and even parental controls exist is precisely because parents are not always able to control what their children see.

But now with the availability of on demand viewing on tablets etc parents are no longer able to control what their children see in public because the rights to view whatever you want whenever you want in a public place seemingly trumps the right of someone else to consider that viewing inappropriate. And once a child has viewed a sexual or violent scene they can’t un-see it even if you tell them that they shouldn’t be looking from now on.

The reality here is that responsibility lies with both parties. Yes, children should be taught that it is wrong to be looking at someone else’s screen not just because of appropriate/inappropriate material but because so many people use screens for texting and other communication which is essentially their business. But equally people should be considerate of what they are watching (or even listening to) in public because if someone does catch sight of inappropriate viewing then it can’t be unseen iyswim.

As a parent I wouldn’t ask someone else to change what they were watching. But as an adult I wouldn’t be watching content which wasn’t appropriate viewing in the vicinity of small children who might catch sight of it...

Ooh, laughably ridiculous, no less? But really, why not? I’ve had these conversations with mine on regular occasions when they’ve seen something that needed explaining. As for the Birds and Bees talk - if you’re doing it as one single talk, then you’re doing it wrong - regardless of whether it happens on a train with a toddler. You increase the complexity of what you discuss with them incrementally as they’re able to take it in.

You don’t go in with a 4 year old and explain about safe sex, orgasms or sexual positions. You tell them that adults have sex to have babies. Then when they’re a little older, you tell them that it involves genitals, and so forth until you’re having a relaxed conversation about contraception with a young teenager who’s had enough contextual information to not be freaked out or embarrassed.

If you can’t give them a quick update, or talking about it in public is embarrassing, then you’re passing that inhibition and awkwardness onto them.

First yabu. You wouldn't watch porn next to a child and actually showing children sexual things is abuse.

Second she's off her rocker.

whosafraidofabigduckfart

“Well that’ll teach you not to watch other people’s devices then!” would have been my response. Mind you, I wouldn’t have ditched my kid with fuck all to do sitting beside a perfect stranger minding their own business.

Well, YeShite, apparently the mum should have called British Transport Police. Watching Homeland with phones on is a criminal offence akin to having sex in public and watching porn in public. If i ever see any cunt watching something featuring Jacob Rees-Mogg or Boris I'm calling BTP because that's causing me 'alarm and distress'.

@SummerGems I’m not entirely sure what your main point is, sorry. I’m not being intentionally obtuse, I promise - I’ll try to answer it but if I’ve got the wrong gist, please let me know.

But yes, I agree that it’s both parties’ responsibility - within reason. As you pointed out, there isn’t such a thing as the watershed any more, when children can get porn pop ups from malware while they’re playing Club Penguin (if that’s even still a thing..)

But again, this isn’t porn. It wasn’t continuous, graphic sex showing genitals and full penetration, it was a political drama which happened to have sex scenes in. Seriously, how many people here have accidentally seen their parents having sex when they were a child? How many parents have had to awkwardly explain to their sleepless toddler that “no, daddy wasn’t hurting mummy, it’s a special type of cuddle that grown ups do”?

The point is, it happens. One way or another, your kids will see something you’ll find awkward or difficult to explain. It’s part of life.

She said she had the screen turned away from him and she had headphones on, so she made a reasonable effort to prevent him watching/hearing something unsuitable. Beyond that, it’s not her responsibility.

The kid shouldn’t have been craning to look at something that didn’t belong to him. He was breaching her privacy and the mother should have corrected that behaviour. If he saw something that disturbed him as a result, the mother should have dealt with that because she didn’t manage the situation properly - the OP wasn’t showing the boy this content willingly.

@LeftRightCentre

If i ever see any cunt watching something featuring Jacob Rees-Mogg or Boris I'm calling BTP because that's causing me 'alarm and distress'.

Can I complain to the BBC too, then? I see them all the time - when ANYONE could be watching and honestly, they scare the shit out of me.

Given the choice, I honestly think that seeing a few seconds of porn is infinitely less harmful for a young child than listening to their poisonous, bigoted bullshit that gets treated as if it’s a valid opinion.

LeftRightCentre I’m with you on that! I’ve never watched Homeland, but I think in general that it’s just good manners to teach kids not to watch what other people are watching.
I’d probably be engrossed in Unforgotten, or some other police drama or other if I ever had the luxury of lone train travel!

Kids can’t avert their eyes? Who knew?

YANBU

I would of told my son to stop being so nosey. The candy crush comment she made, ha what an entitled peice of shit she is.

I’d probably be engrossed in Unforgotten, or some other police drama or other if I ever had the luxury of lone train travel!

Ach, aye! That's a brilliant series. I download from Netflix at home, switch on my phones, sit my iPad in my lap and watch away, usually book a window seat facing forward and enjoy the ride. I catch up on films on longhaul flights.

This is complete bullshit! Don't believe a word. Yawn.

You had every right to do as you pleased! What an entitled idiotic mother. I would have suggested she take the table if 4 and id take her two seats so it was not a priblem any more.

On a plane any passenger can watch whatever they like. I am quite sure not one passenger on a plane would give a toss if a child was beside them. They would watch their movie of choice. If the parent who sits their child next to this movie watching passenger doesn't like what is being watched then I would suggest the parent tell their child that the passenger is watching a movie and to give their child something to do like most sensible parents. It is also rude to read over someones shoulder...so same principle in my opinion. These days children are treated as Gods and seem to get away with far more than a few decades ago.

I think as a polite member of society I would have apologised (the kid had seen it, the damage was done, yes shit like this would happen at some point, but it would have been my fault it happened right now) and turned in my seat and put my tablet in my lap, held it in my hands and continued watching.
OP has said she couldn't fully shield it from the child's view because it would have caused glare on her screen and likes it being on the table (which really is probably very visable).
I feel like this is definitely a case of both people feeling entitled.
OP to watch whatever she wants, and the Mom to not have her child watching inappropriate content.
I feel like there is a mutually agreeable middle ground, but people can't see past their own selfishness to help each other out anymore.
There are always going to be problems with passengers on trains, strangers packed in like sardines and all serving their own self interest. But I think we should limit how much we negatively affect other people and this me, me, me attitude is why the world is becoming an increasingly shit place to live.

Well said MsHopey

What MsHopey said.

I'm all for a bit of sex and violence on screen but there's a time and a place (same goes for loud Peppa Pig).

whosafraidofabigduckfart oh that’s funny, and Mum should have been watching her own kid instead of ditching them on a total stranger.

The sense of entitlement of some parents is staggering, and actually quite depressing.

If children are being raised to believe the world revolves around them and their wants without them ever having to consider anyone else’s wants/needs, there’s a generation of selfish arsehole adults incoming. Lovely.