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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have told a woman with her kids to mind her own business

455 replies

Woolythoughts · 10/09/2018 08:38

Travelling on a train, sat at a table of four seats. Opposite me was a woman with one of her kids and her other one was next to me. Once next to her was a toddler and the one next to me probably about 6/7.

I was happily sitting there watching a box set on the ipad with head phones in. US drama with bits of violence (guns, shooting, fights etc) and a bit of sex (Homeland for those who know it).

She asked me if I could turn it off as it was unsuitable for her son sitting next to me to watch it. I think he'd been watching the screen and made some comment to his mother from what I could gather when I took my headphones out.

Told her not a chance as it was not my problem.

Then, about 20 minutes left to go, was killing time playing candy crush - again with head phones on.

This time she asked me not to as her kids wanted to play it and she didn't allow it and it would upset them.

At that point I politely suggested she pay more attention to what her kids were doing and less to what I was doing and I'd do what I wanted.

She seemed to think I should modify my behaviour because of her parenting choices.

OP posts:
whosafraidofabigduckfart · 10/09/2018 15:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hannahmates · 10/09/2018 15:32

It's a TV show not porn. Come on now. Stop with the ridiculous comparisons. The responsibility lies with mom. She should have moved or switched. I personally would have said no too.

CecilyP · 10/09/2018 15:34

YANBU a child that age should know their manners and their parent needs to make sure they mind their buisness and those who think OP was unreasonable need to stop being so bloody precious. I would be mortified if one of my kids were staring at someone else's screen and pull them up on it asap!

Well there you go; I would be mortified if my adult child was as selfish and inconsiderate as OP. Or are only 6 year olds supposed to 'know their manners' whilst adults are exempt?

TheIcon · 10/09/2018 15:35

It's not her responsibility to shield other peoples kids from something she is perfectly entitled to do. The mother should have moved seats with the kids if it were a problem.

GunpowderGelatine · 10/09/2018 15:38

Why should I have to watch cartoons instead of a programme aimed at adults just because you've decided you and your wild progeny are sitting near me?

So would you actually think it's fine to watch porn on a train?

It's called being considerate, and despite your clear Trunchbull-like disdain for kids they are worthy of your consideration too.

GunpowderGelatine · 10/09/2018 15:40

I don't think it's a bad comparison - is it ok to expose children to sex scenes as long as they're not 'real' sex scenes?

CecilyP · 10/09/2018 15:41

Seriously, you've got kids, you look after them. Why should I have to watch cartoons instead of a programme aimed at adults just because you've decided you and your wild progeny are sitting near me?

Wild progeny? Seriously? because they are looking at a screen practically in front of them.

OP was sitting minding her own business watching something appropriate for her with her headphones in. I really fail to see how because someone can't control her children, she is being unreasonable.

She wasn't minding her own business, not really. By having the laptop on the table in front of a shared seat, she was making it their business as well. OK she was showing a bit of consideration by having headphones, but that's about all. I don't think a child looking at it demonstrates they are out of control. I doubt if you would have successfully averted your eyes for the whole journey?

NoFucksImAQueen · 10/09/2018 15:46

was the child able to sit next to their mother or were all other seats taken? the answer to this will depend on whether i think you are unreasonable or not

LoniceraJaponica · 10/09/2018 15:49

Still so many selfish posters spectacularly missing the point here.

CecilyP · 10/09/2018 15:49

Read the OP, it's all there!

HenriettaH · 10/09/2018 15:50

She should have moved her child...not dictate to another passenger. Would passenger be allowed to complain if her child was watching Barney ?

RomanyRoots · 10/09/2018 15:50

YANBU, I'm a mum and would never have expected people to accommodate my dc, it's her job to entertain them, she could have had a book for the child, told him not to be so nosy as to what you were doing.

CecilyP · 10/09/2018 15:54

She should have moved her child...not dictate to another passenger. Would passenger be allowed to complain if her child was watching Barney ?

It depends? What would be the basis for the adult's complaint?

whosafraidofabigduckfart · 10/09/2018 15:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DarlingNikita · 10/09/2018 15:59

The kid couldn't hear any of it, the sex scenes are not hugely graphic, you don't see genitals.
Yep. Those of you equating Homeland to porn really ought to have a word with yourselves.

I mean what are the chances of one of the more distressing scenes happening at the exactly time the child was snooping a look. This is a very good point. I stopped watching Homeland ages ago, but I do remember most of each episode being people standing about in offices and houses, driving cars and doing other decidedly not upsetting things.

Thirtyrock39 · 10/09/2018 16:13

Homeland may not be porn but it is not suitable for children. There are some very violent scenes in season one such as torture, a man having his neck broken , a sniper, a man being beaten to near death and some intense sex scenes . Put it this way I had to cover my eyes watching some of it. I don't think that kind of stuff is suitable viewing on a big iPad on public transport

SummerGems · 10/09/2018 16:22

So, irrespective of asking someone to tone down what they’re watching in public, I assume that posters think that it is nobody else’s business what people do in public then and that people shouldn’t ever have to modify their behaviour when out and about?

I most likely would move a small child away from being able to see or witness inappropriate viewing or behaviour rather than ask the viewer not to watch, but that doesn’t mean that what they’re watching isn’t inappropriate still does it?

I imagine the same people who think it’s perfectly acceptable to watch what you want when you want would still be irritated if the parent with the small children had put on the teletubbies without headphones? When actualy, if they were annoyed by it they should just put headphones on themselves rather than expect the parent to put headphones on their child or tone down the sound... this is no different. You can move your child out of the way, take steps to ensure that your child cannot see inappropriate material on a screen the same as you can put on headphones to drown out children’s viewing. But that doesn’t mean that the viewing of inappropriate material with violence or sex scenes or the playing of annoying children’s content at top volume isn’t inconsiderate.

Satsumaeater · 10/09/2018 16:27

If I sit on a train I will read what I like, listen to what I like or watch what I like. However, I will employ headphones.

If someone chooses to let their child sit next to me, it's up to them to check I am not watching or reading anything unsuitable for children. I am certainly not modifying my behaviour.

I would not choose to sit next to a small child anyway. And I wouldn't watch Homeland either. In fact I don't tend to watch anything particularly dark or rated 18 but I would take issue with the fact that I was there first yet was supposed to change what I was doing.

Also, if you are working on the train, and people look over to see what you are working on, that's your problem and you are in breach of your employer's confidentiality arrangements. It's not my fault for looking. Get a security screen.

That said, couldn't the OP have just moved the screen round a bit so the child couldn't see?

Lweji · 10/09/2018 16:28

Homeland is not porn. Homeland is not porn. Homeland is not porn.

Nobody says it is. Nobody says it is. Nobody says it is.

IrmaFayLear · 10/09/2018 16:29

I think it was in the very first episode of Homeland that Brody comes home and there ensues X-rated sex scene with wife. Not suitable viewing for a six-year-old! (And definitely not for watching with teen ds Blush )

Lweji · 10/09/2018 16:39

Never mind those dubious scenes with much younger middle eastern boy I forget the name of.

Lweji · 10/09/2018 16:41

I was engrossed in watching “TV” whilst crocheting.

You can't be engrossed in Homeland whilst crocheting. You'll miss all the important details.
YABVVVVU

Itsnotabingthingisit · 10/09/2018 16:41

So really, this isn't an 'AIBU' at all , is it?

It's more of a ' look at me, I don't like kids and will use disparaging terms to describe them' post.

Worryingly, but I guess in tune with the world these days, this selfish , intrusive behaviour of watching disturbing scenes in public on a screen big enough for people nearby to see has divided mumsnet .

I genuinely don't know what happened to common decency . I really miss it.

CecilyP · 10/09/2018 16:48

If someone chooses to let their child sit next to me, it's up to them to check I am not watching or reading anything unsuitable for children. I am certainly not modifying my behaviour.

But it is not in your gift to decide who should and shouldn't sit next to you. And if they don't like what you are doing they should move? The seats belong to the rail company not to you. Perhaps the mum should have checked what the OP was watching before she started watching it but that might have been perceived as being a bit nosey. There is also nothing to suggest that OP was there first. It is very likely that they were all in booked seats.

MsHopey · 10/09/2018 16:54

It has been a long time since I have seen a thread so divided and each side not moving an inch.