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AIBU?

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Original poster

To have told a woman with her kids to mind her own business

455 replies

Woolythoughts · 10/09/2018 08:38

Travelling on a train, sat at a table of four seats. Opposite me was a woman with one of her kids and her other one was next to me. Once next to her was a toddler and the one next to me probably about 6/7.

I was happily sitting there watching a box set on the ipad with head phones in. US drama with bits of violence (guns, shooting, fights etc) and a bit of sex (Homeland for those who know it).

She asked me if I could turn it off as it was unsuitable for her son sitting next to me to watch it. I think he'd been watching the screen and made some comment to his mother from what I could gather when I took my headphones out.

Told her not a chance as it was not my problem.

Then, about 20 minutes left to go, was killing time playing candy crush - again with head phones on.

This time she asked me not to as her kids wanted to play it and she didn't allow it and it would upset them.

At that point I politely suggested she pay more attention to what her kids were doing and less to what I was doing and I'd do what I wanted.

She seemed to think I should modify my behaviour because of her parenting choices.

OP posts:
GunpowderGelatine · 10/09/2018 17:03

If someone chooses to let their child sit next to me, it's up to them to check I am not watching or reading anything unsuitable for children

Yeah you sound like exactly the kind of person who wouldn't mind a parent saying'what are you watching there?' Hmm so you'd be happy for a parent to consistently watch what you're watching, seeing as they don't know if you're gonna change what you're watching?

OR you could not be an inconsiderate fuck.

Also this "I'd just move" talk - don't k is if any of you have been on trains lately but there's a good reason why they advise to book a seat, even if it isn't full I find trains usually have reserved seats. It's often it possible to move unless you wanna stand with two small children for an hour. The Trunchbulls would be out in force then moaning some woman was in the way with her sprigs why couldn't she just sit down!

Seriously people children deserve your consideration.

YeTalkShiteHen · 10/09/2018 17:04

15 pages? Fucking hell.

Mother: “it’s rude to look at someone else’s tablet/laptop/device. Let’s try something to keep you occupied.”

Literally all it would have taken.

Grasslands · 10/09/2018 17:06

I think the OP was beyond unreasonable. It takes a community to raise a child. The OP as a body of 1, should have had the decency to move.

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 10/09/2018 17:07

If someone chooses to let their child sit next to me, it's up to them to check I am not watching or reading anything unsuitable for children. I am certainly not modifying my behaviour

That's so outrageously, foolishly arrogant that it's almost funny.

mostdays · 10/09/2018 17:08

Grow up, op, you sound like a self conscious teenage edgelord.

Birdsgottafly · 10/09/2018 17:12

All she had to do was inform a Guard.

It is against the bylaws to watch/read/listen to anything that could "cause alarm or distress".

The British transport police have a dedicated phone number and will meet the train at a station. The amount of people prosecuted trebled last year, so people are becoming aware that they don't have to put up with arsehole behaviour.

If what you are watching has sex scenes, then it is considered as sexual behaviour in public", or as in the OP's case, "sexual behaviour towards a child".

So those saying they wouldn't stop what they are doing can end up with an offence against a child instead.

As a Parent you can be charged for allowing your child to view indecent/inappropriate stuff, why should a stranger be allowed to?

SummerGems · 10/09/2018 17:13

People are being deliberately obtuse here though. IMO this isn’t about whether or not it’s unreasonable to have not changed what OP was watching because a parent asked her to. It is about whether it’s unreasonable or in fact reasonable to watch whatever you want, wherever you want, regardless of who could see.

With that in mind the “it’s not porn” argument is in fact irrelevant. Because if you consider that it’s perfectly reasonable to watch a programme with sex and violence in it in a public place then whether it is porn or not doesn’t matter as it’s your choice and porn isn’t illegal.

By that token, having sex in a public place is perfectly ok as well as others should just look away if they don’t like it. in fact anyone should be at liberty to do whatever they want wherever and whenever they want and it’s up to other people to look away or not listen if they don’t like it?

themuttsnutts · 10/09/2018 17:16

If you're going to make comparisons, make them equivalent - otherwise, it's a strawman argument

LoniceraJaponica · 10/09/2018 17:18

Well said SummerGems. All of your posts on this thread are excellent.

DeadHerring · 10/09/2018 17:19

Something I realised as a mum: you cannot control the environment your child experiences. It is not for you to censor what strangers can do. Nobody has the right to not be offended.

Your children will see far more insidious and toxic things on children's TV. They're being conditioned to be good consumers and nag you for toys, as soon as they're old enough to speak.

They'll see race riots, shootings and terrorist attacks on the news. They'll hear their friends swearing and telling them inappropriate or just plain untrue things about sex long before they'll even think of exploring it for themselves. You can't censor it forever, so why not take the opportunity to teach them how to critically evaluate new or potentially disturbing information, rather than pretend it doesn't exist?

None of you are able to absolutely control what media your children consume before they're an adult. So why on earth does anyone think it's their right to lay down the law and say a stranger can't watch a political drama with occasional sex scenes - on headphones, with the screen turned away from other people on a train?

It should have merited a mild rebuke and a distraction - something like: "yes, I know they've got an ipad but you shouldn't be watching it over their shoulder because that's rude. Anyway, this robot you drew doesn't have a jetpack, so how is he going to get to space? Let's draw him a jetpack and some planets for him to land on."

Children need to learn how the world works and they need boundaries. Our job is to steer our child through the pitfalls, so they learn how to navigate it themselves. Throwing tantrums and demanding that the world bends over to accommodate your child is only setting them up for a nasty shock when they become adults.

@Woolythoughts YANBU!

To have told a woman with her kids to mind her own business
Urubu · 10/09/2018 17:20

YABU to have watched violent scenes / sex scenes next to a child, yes.
Cany crush, YANBU though

Sommelierrrr · 10/09/2018 17:21

It's been said before but I will say it again - it's not appropriately to watch material next to a young child which is unsuitable. I think that is highly inappropriate.

IrmaFayLear · 10/09/2018 17:35

Yes, agree, Summergens.

It is one thing to be watching Homeland when a violent/sexual scene suddenly appears, and another to knowingly choose to watch porn in a public place. Have there been any cases on this, does anyone know? A "viewer" of such material on a bus, say, could argue that they were minding their own business and the person in the seat behind was wrong to be looking. What is the line between craning your neck to see what's on someone's iPad/phone, and having it directly in one's line of sight?

PreseaCombatir · 10/09/2018 17:42

People on here are nutty.
Entertain your kids if you don’t want them watching strangers screens. Or better still, teach them it’s ride to watch/read things over people’s shoulders

ApproachingATunnel · 10/09/2018 17:45

First one- ok, i see her point to a degree if the screen was in full view and there was no way to slightly tilting it.
Second- ridiculous. YANBU

teachergirl2011 · 10/09/2018 17:46

YANBU the world doesn't revolve arround children! Your Ipad, you had earphones in, totally up to you what you watch!!! Some parents!!!!!!!

DeadHerring · 10/09/2018 17:47

@SummerGems

*People are being deliberately obtuse here though...
...the “it’s not porn” argument is in fact irrelevant. Because if you consider that it’s perfectly reasonable to watch a programme with sex and violence in it in a public place then whether it is porn or not doesn’t matter as it’s your choice and porn isn’t illegal. *

Using a straw man like this could also be considered deliberately obtuse. It wasn't porn. It was an adult box set with infrequent sexual content. People aren't waving genitals about - the most anyone is likely to see is some writhing and boobs. And that's only if they happen to be craning to look at something that isn't theirs, at exactly the wrong time. All children are going to see stuff that their parents don't want them to see, no matter how vigilant you are or how much you helicopter them. And it's nothing compared to some of the arguments, abuse and swearing I've frequently heard by just being on a train.

By that token, having sex in a public place is perfectly ok as well as others should just look away if they don’t like it. in fact anyone should be at liberty to do whatever they want wherever and whenever they want and it’s up to other people to look away or not listen if they don’t like it?

Yeah, again - straw man. No-one's suggesting that it's acceptable to have sex on the table in the train in front of the kids watching. We have laws which prevent most excesses of anti-social behaviour.

She was watching a program that mostly consists of political drama which was turned away from the boy, with headphones on. He was being nosy and inappropriate, so I'd have picked him up for it, then distracted him.

Why are we so keen to blame everyone else for our own bad experiences, instead of taking responsibility for how we deal with them?

LoniceraJaponica · 10/09/2018 17:48

"YANBU the world doesn't revolve arround children! Your Ipad, you had earphones in, totally up to you what you watch!!! Some parents!!!!!!!"

And it doesn't revolve around the OP either Hmm

PreseaCombatir · 10/09/2018 17:49

So watching something on your device with headphones means the world is revolving around you. Hahahaha

Moknicker · 10/09/2018 17:52

OP. Technically you are not unreasonable. Homeland is not hard core porn or violence and you were watching it on an Ipad with your headphones on. While there is always a risk of offending someone with these things, Homeland, by most people's reckoning is within the norm of acceptable.

However, it would have been nice of you to be gracious and help out the lady with three kids. All of us know how tough it is to handle kids on a boring train journey and while its not your job to help out the mother, the truth is that these acts of kindness go a long way to make our lives a little bit nicer.

So YANBU but ...

DeadHerring · 10/09/2018 17:54

And it doesn't revolve around the OP either

Absolutely. But the OP didn't say that the mother couldn't sit on her table because her program might not be suitable for children, did she?

The mother was the one insisting that the OP change her behaviour, rather than appropriately manage her child's behaviour.

If she's so concerned about what her children can see, then she probably shouldn't take them to places where she can't control every single adult in the area to make sure they never hear anything she can't explain to them.

Samantha2018 · 10/09/2018 17:58

I'd have told my child to stop staring and being nosy!

Leighhalfpennysthigh · 10/09/2018 18:07

*Mother: “it’s rude to look at someone else’s tablet/laptop/device. Let’s try something to keep you occupied.”

Literally all it would have taken*

This. Someone talking sense at last

whosafraidofabigduckfart · 10/09/2018 18:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DeadHerring · 10/09/2018 18:18

‘But Mum the man has just cut the child’s throat - is she dead!?’ ... why

“It’s not real, it’s just pretend stories for grown ups and that’s why you shouldn’t be watching it yet but, seeing as you have, let’s talk about why it made you uncomfortable, shall we?”