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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Asked to leave Gym cafe lounge for breastfeeding ?!

560 replies

Arewereallyhere · 09/09/2018 22:16

I was at the gyms lounge / cafe as we’d been for a family swim. Big mainstream private gym. DH was with me.

Baby needed a feed but there were lots of people on all the sofas, which are next to main entrance, so I went to a back bit where there were lots of empty sofas and only one lady sitting texting.
I fed baby with my back to the wall, under a blanket thing and DH was opposite me. Baby was super quiet. No crying , no squeaking, nothing.

A weird man came up to us and asked us to leave as there was an ‘adults only sign’. DH said no as the baby was being quiet and surely sign didn’t apply. Man insisted so DH told him to get staff to settle the matter. Man came back with a bloke who worked there and the staffer apologised but said we had to leave as it was adults only. I said it was ridiculous and clearly because I was breastfeeding. I pointed out that the baby was literally silent. The staffer said he appreciated I probably had wanted privacy but I couldn’t sit there.

The other seating area was a)full of people and I would have had to share a sofa to feed my baby and b) next to main entrance so in full view and I feel a bit self conscious there.

The ‘adults only’ area is right at the back so very quiet and discreet.

We left .

AIBU or are they?

OP posts:
rwalker · 10/09/2018 06:42

You are completely missing the point this is NOTHING to do with breastfeeding you had a child in adults only area.You are deliberately trying to make out you were shamed for breast feeding in public you were not . Very misleading post .

GoatYoga · 10/09/2018 06:42

We use David Lloyd - there is no way a child breastfeeding or otherwise would be allowed in to the adults only area. The people who use it are very protective and to an extent seeing the behaviour of a lot of the children I understand why. Before you know it there will be - but he’s only 6 months, she’s colouring quietly, on the iPad etc and the place will be filled with small children.

EdisonLightBulb · 10/09/2018 06:45

Unfortunately I think you are suffering from the new mum entitledness. It starts in pregnancy and continues when you can't get a child space a time the supermarket and when your child is a pain in the arse on a plane, you just don't see other people say annoyance.

We have all been there I put it down to hormones. In a few years when yours pfb is a teenager and you relish child free spaces you too will be irrated by the new mum that thinks her pfb is exempt from whatever rules apply to everyone else.

Moody123 · 10/09/2018 06:47

Oh I was ready to jump all over this reading the title, but YABU ! You could have sat in the child friendly but, but you didn't want to, as you felt uncomfortable, with a cover on? 🤔 sorry (and I say this as someone who is still feeding a toddler).
You seem to be looking for an argument about feeding, when it was actually about you sitting somewhere you shouldn't!

ILoveMyCaravan · 10/09/2018 06:48

Maybe the gym should provide a quiet area for feeding babies. But you are in the wrong to use an adults only area. If this sets a precedent then what would happen if your baby or other babies were noisy next time, and what would the age cut off be? The area would no longer be an adult only area but a noisy crèche.

DeadCertain · 10/09/2018 07:14

This is mumsnet. If you can't stick up for a mother feeding her child, you shouldn't be here IMO.

I support anyone who wants to feed their child where they are allowed to.

I would have chosen the adults only area to get away from children and babies. Not everyone who is childless is so by choice and sometimes it's really nice to not have to look at a baby, talk about babies etc etc. I love children but sometimes families' areas and the focus on children can be a little much.

It's about common courtesy really; if I was anywhere in the gym but the designated "adults only" area then I would have no right and no reason to be upset about someone breastfeeding their baby. OP should extend the same courtesy that she expects to be shown to her to other users of the facility.

Hannahmates · 10/09/2018 07:17

You are being unreasonable and clearly know it too and that is why you're framing this as a breastfeeding issue when in reality this is not about breastfeeding but the fact that it was an adults only area. He didn't say you couldn't breastfeed at all but that you could do it at the family area. So yes YABU. This is also a private business and you have to abide by their rules. If you are under a blanket I don't see why you needed to be in that empty area either.

SoupDragon · 10/09/2018 07:17

This is mumsnet. If you can't stick up for a mother feeding her child, you shouldn't be here IMO.

I will stick up for any mother feeding their child in a place they are allowed to be. This is not the case here.

Feefeetrixabelle · 10/09/2018 07:18

The breastfeeding is irrelevant. They provide plenty of areas you can breastfeed and one you can’t. Because it’s adults only. I’m sorry you think it’s unfair but it’s not.

WizzbangWallopWot · 10/09/2018 07:19

@Charolais that's the most utterly ridiculous comment I've read I a long time!!! GrinGrinGrin

Hannahmates · 10/09/2018 07:19

OP knows she's in the wrong and that's why she posted a misleading title. It's not about breastfeeding at all, but the fact that she brought her baby to an adult only area meant for adults.

theunsure · 10/09/2018 07:20

YABU and you are clearly “one of those people”. Eugghh

As others have said it is naff all to do with breastfeeding. Get over yourself!

safetyfreak · 10/09/2018 07:21

YABU.

Would not be surprised if OP went in there on purpose to cause a scene.

WizzbangWallopWot · 10/09/2018 07:25

@Arewereallyhere maybe the "weird man" doesn't like seeing women breastfeed? So he signs up with a gym that has an adult only area so he knows he won't have to deal with it, he feels comfortable there.

Although as others have said this I not about breastfeeding at all!

I suggest if your not comfortable in a crowded area, changing room or car that you go to the gym at a quieter time?

BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou · 10/09/2018 07:27

It was an adults only area so no children allowed... simple. This has absolutely nothing to do with how you were feeding your baby. Just sit on one of the other sofas, it doesn’t matter if there are other people there. If they don’t like it they have the option of leaving or moving to the adult only area.

PolkerrisBeach · 10/09/2018 07:29

We were members at a club with the same rules - probably the same gym chain.

Adults only means just that. It doesn't mean toddlers, or sleeping babies, or breastfeeding babies, or teenagers. It means ADULTS ONLY.

Breastfeeding is a red herring and not relevant in the slightest. You're being very unreasonable here OP and I'm a huge breastfeeding advocate. But not in an adult area.

londonfeather · 10/09/2018 07:32

I think some of the replies on here are really mean. Yes it said adults only but it was just a quick feed with a tiny baby... sad state of affairs that there can be so little flexibility and rigidity shown to a new mother and a tiny baby.

RosieLancs · 10/09/2018 07:33

OP Do you by any chance have a blog you're looking to promote?
Most of the women with these entitled story do.

Katjolo · 10/09/2018 07:43

The man that approached you in the first place is clearly a weirdo with nothing better to do. Honestly, if the baby was silent and simply feeding, couldn't he leave you alone. How does it really impact his life in any shape or form? A lot of people are saying the rules are the rules which is fair enough. However, I still couldn't imagine disturbing a breastfeeding mother to tell her to move because it's adults only. 🤔

Soontobe60 · 10/09/2018 07:43

What an interesting read!
I would have done exactly the same, and sat in the adult only quiet area to BF, but the difference is if someone had pointed it out to me and asked me to move, I would have apologised and moved with a smile (probably through gritted teeth) because I knew I shouldn't have been in there with a non adult.
The man wasn't being weird, he was pointing out the obvious. If I had been the weird man, I probably wouldn't have said anything, as I'm too polite to point out the obvious most of the time. But he didn't do anything wrong, you did.

MNsplaining · 10/09/2018 07:44

This is mumsnet. If you can't stick up for a mother feeding her child, you shouldn't be here IMO.

What a strange thing to say. It's an adults only area, why would I stick up for anyone who thinks rules don't apply to them just because they have a baby?

SoupDragon · 10/09/2018 07:46

Yes it said adults only but it was just a quick feed with a tiny baby... sad state of affairs that there can be so little flexibility and rigidity shown to a new mother and a tiny baby.

Nowhere does it say it was a tiny baby.

A baby is not an adult.

speakout · 10/09/2018 07:48

Very misleading title OP.

I was involved at a political level steering a new law in Scotland to protect breastfeeding rights.

The law is very clear.
It protects the right of a baby to be fed milk ( not just breastmilk- formula too) in any public place where that child has a right to be,

It doesn't mean that breastfeeding gives you a free pass to feed anywhere.

You couldn't breastfeed in an over 21 nightclub- the child has no right to be there for instance, or places that may be unsafe- on top of shop display or on an airport runway.

If no children are allowed then why should a breastfeeding baby be allowed?
What if the child is a fiesty two year old who is having a breastfeed?
Should they also be exempt from the "no children rule"?
And what if it is a two year old drinking milk from a carton?
Should they be allowed?

Twillow · 10/09/2018 07:51

The weird man may well have been anti public breastfeeding, as some nutters are. However, as there was an adult only area he was not being unreasonable to ask that the rule be followed. Sorry, it is annoying, but it's just one of those things in this case.

strawberrisc · 10/09/2018 07:52

You’re lucky to have a car. I didn’t. YABU.