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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Asked to leave Gym cafe lounge for breastfeeding ?!

560 replies

Arewereallyhere · 09/09/2018 22:16

I was at the gyms lounge / cafe as we’d been for a family swim. Big mainstream private gym. DH was with me.

Baby needed a feed but there were lots of people on all the sofas, which are next to main entrance, so I went to a back bit where there were lots of empty sofas and only one lady sitting texting.
I fed baby with my back to the wall, under a blanket thing and DH was opposite me. Baby was super quiet. No crying , no squeaking, nothing.

A weird man came up to us and asked us to leave as there was an ‘adults only sign’. DH said no as the baby was being quiet and surely sign didn’t apply. Man insisted so DH told him to get staff to settle the matter. Man came back with a bloke who worked there and the staffer apologised but said we had to leave as it was adults only. I said it was ridiculous and clearly because I was breastfeeding. I pointed out that the baby was literally silent. The staffer said he appreciated I probably had wanted privacy but I couldn’t sit there.

The other seating area was a)full of people and I would have had to share a sofa to feed my baby and b) next to main entrance so in full view and I feel a bit self conscious there.

The ‘adults only’ area is right at the back so very quiet and discreet.

We left .

AIBU or are they?

OP posts:
Thinkingallowed85 · 10/09/2018 00:49

I would have tried my luck in your situation and the man who got the member of staff was unkind. I would never have done that to a woman bf her baby. I feel a bit sorry for the member of staff who was enforcing the rule. I bet he too wished the man had just found somewhere else to sit and leave you be.

rainbowsandsmiles · 10/09/2018 00:54

Leave her be?! You can't just pitch up in an adults only area but be "but I'm bf, stop picking on me, I'm entitled to be here!"
He was doing nothing wrong and had every right to be there. OP did not.

DelilahandDaisy · 10/09/2018 01:05

Your link makes absolutely no difference to this discussion OP. You were not asked to leave the premises, you were asked to leave the adults only space (because you had a child with you) you could have carried on breastfeeding, so you were not stopped or discriminated against because you were breastfeeding. Come on, it doesn’t require a great deal of thinking to work that out, does it?

Fabricwitch · 10/09/2018 01:07

YABVU and entitled.
The gym is a private area not public.
There is an adults only area, and babies are not adults.
Just because it wasn't as busy at this time doesn't mean it's not working for the company. A lot of people could choose memberships with this gym based on this fact, for many reasons (trouble conceiving themselves, as a pp mentioned miscarriage, noise etc).
It is not age discrimination, it is just breaking areas up between suitable ages, like the different areas for different ages in soft play, or retirement villages, or many other things in society.
There was space for you in the child friendly area. If you preferred to feed in a quieter area you could have gone outside, gone to your car, gone to the changing rooms, asked someone if it would be ok to use the adults area as it was so quite (but with the willingness to move if, and as soon as, anyone asked).

TheDowagerCuntess · 10/09/2018 01:08

It takes a special type of attention seeker person to see a sign that says 'adults only' and think: well, clearly that doesn't apply to moi!Grin

50Running50 · 10/09/2018 01:18

This kind of thing makes me so fed up with mumsnet! Drama drama drama

Adults only.....couldn't be clearer really could it?!

miketv · 10/09/2018 01:23

OP I don't think YWBU. I often use adults only areas in the gym to get some peace and quiet, but wouldn't have batted an eyelid at you breastfeeding in these spaces

JeNeBaguetteRien · 10/09/2018 01:35

YABU. In 17 and a bit years you can go into that area with your current baby but for now, adults only areas are out of bounds.
They asked you to move because you were there with a baby. When you say a breastfeeding woman shouldn't be asked to move you're very conveniently ignoring the fact the baby shouldn't have been there in the first place.

Your attitude winds me up because I think the UK has dreadfully low breastfeeding rates and people like you making out that you will be asked to move just because you're breastfeeding all add to the perception that it's a Big Deal To Breastfeed In Public. Some places will be kind and offer a breastfeeding mum a drink etc but many won't because lots of people don't have breastfeeding on their radar and don't even think of this.

And yes sleeping or quiet babies or children should not be in an adults only area because they are human beings with the potential to cause a lot of noise without warning like some adults too but what can you do about them.

paintedwingsandgiantrings · 10/09/2018 01:40

YANBU.

To ask you to move while BFing is shocking, appalling behaviour.

If it really was about it being adults only, they could have asked you to move once you'd finished BFing.

My first impulse was to try come up with a persuasive argument for the people who are piling on the OP.

But do you know what - just fuck off. Seriously.

This is mumsnet. If you can't stick up for a mother feeding her child, you shouldn't be here IMO.

paintedwingsandgiantrings · 10/09/2018 01:41

"Adults only" often means "except babes in arms".

If it didn't here, they could have asked politely and not interrupted BFing.

RibbonAurora · 10/09/2018 01:53

Nope. Sticking up for a mother feeding her child when she's in the fucking wrong doesn't help any one! Takes away from the mothers who are feeding their children when they're in the right and are being treated wrongly.

YABU OP and I suspect you know it. Point scoring only applies when you have a point. You are trying to make this square peg of a scenario fit into the round hole of the anti-bf narrative and it doesn't. Get over it.

PollyFlinderz · 10/09/2018 01:55

Op, your trying and failing to turn this into something it wasnt.

AllesAusLiebe · 10/09/2018 01:59

"Adults only" often means "except babes in arms"

Since when?! 😂 I know I still sometimes struggle with the various nuances of the English language, but come on! You’re having a laugh.

50Running50 · 10/09/2018 02:04

She was feeding her kid in a place she wasn't supposed to be in!!!!

Cheeky.... then passed it off as something it wasn't

Nah, not 'sticking up' for that shit! (And I'm here, on MN, so tough shit) Wink

goldhen · 10/09/2018 02:08

I’ve never heard of ‘adult only’ areas. Wish they had those in pubsGrin

Aus84 · 10/09/2018 02:21

Feeding my baby when I have to bump elbows with a bloke on a sofa next to me, with loads of people passing through, would make me too self conscious. Sorry if others would not be, but faced with that versus a quiet, disused area when baby is totally quiet , really?

If it makes you uncomfortable to feed in public then perhaps you need to rethink where you are going for outings while you are still breastfeeding. I am not at all against breastfeeding in public, I've breastfed 3 babies, but the rules should not be changed for you. Full stop.

Neither the 'weird' man or the staffer asked you to leave because you were breastfeeding. They asked you to leave because you had a child in an adults only area. It really is as simple as that.

frenchknitting · 10/09/2018 06:02

They could have used their discretion. Clearly the aim is to not have kids running around disturbing the peace

Actually though, the aim is to be able to sell the gym as a luxury, high end adults facility to people who don't have children, as well as selling it as a family gym to people who do.

I think they were unkind. But those are the rules.

PhilomenaButterfly · 10/09/2018 06:04

Arewe that law only applies where children are already allowed.

Momo27 · 10/09/2018 06:08

Oh dearie me. The OP even had a link lined up to try to justify what she’s done. Unfortunately for her it just backs up that she was not discriminated against. She wasn’t prevented from bf her baby on the premises. She was told that she couldn’t take a baby into a specifically adults only designated area. That is all. Anyone trying to defend the OP (all 2 or 3 of them!!) is wasting their breath because it really is that simple. The majority of the premises were places she could have bf - the family lounge/cafe, the foyer, the women’s changing room, the outside areas - anywhere except (I suspect) actually in the swimming pool, while using gym machines and the designated adult only area. How bloody ridiculous to choose that area and then complain, and how spectacularly unhelpful to women who might have a genuine case against a company.

As for the poster who said ‘adults only’ often means you can bring a baby along... hahahaha MN is a strange place sometimes.

Also love how the OP shoehorned in that the man who must have pointed out to staff that she was in the wrong place was ‘weird.’ Yeah right because anyone who actually expects adults only in the adults area is clearly weird. Honestly you couldn’t make it up Grin

OneStepSideways · 10/09/2018 06:19

You were bu to take the baby in the adults only area, bf or not!

What's wrong with sharing a sofa with someone else to bf??

I've bf everywhere, on trains with a stranger next to me, in busy cafes, in the street. There are times when you don't have the option of somewhere quiet and private! If you feel awkward try feeding in a sling with one of those boned apron covers over you, I used to feed this way when I wanted privacy and to be completely covered.

Angrybird345 · 10/09/2018 06:20

You were in the adults only section! You haven’t been discriminated against or treated unfairly, get a grip. Don’t make this an issue when you’re in the wrong.

BarbaraofSevillle · 10/09/2018 06:28

Is it adult only because it's a licenced bar that doesn't allow under 18s and the baby isn't allowed, breastfeeding being irrelevant?

My friend works in a betting shop, is currently on maternity leave and she isn't allowed to take her baby into the shop to say hello to her colleagues, because no children at all are allowed on the premises. Could the gym lounge have a similar rule?

NicoAndTheNiners · 10/09/2018 06:28

And as for questioning rules which you don’t think make sense.....well the OP didn’t did she? She just ignored the rules.

If she wants to question the rule then she can email the club manager and ask him/her to consider changing the rule and see what happens.

And yes I am a rule abider. Years ago was at a large/luxury ski hotel and very clear sign that no kids were allowed in the jacuzzi. Big pool they could swim in though. 95% of the parents ignored this rule and let their kids in. So I was sat in the jacuzzi not only having to put up with about 15 kids in there but also dd crouching by the side asking me why she wasn’t allowed in when other kids were. I was pissed off the other kids were in there.

Oysterbabe · 10/09/2018 06:34

YABU. I agree with almost everyone else

Also you say the baby needed a feed, it was quiet once you latched it on but I bet it was mewling and complaining until then.

StepBackNow · 10/09/2018 06:37

Grip needed, OP. You broke the rules. Move on and stop whining about it.